No Shepard Without Vakarian
by Inkess
Summary: My version of the FemShep/Garrus romance throughout ME3. Follows the game's plot, but there are also alternatives. The final chapter is up! Includes EC stuff! (Complete.)
1. Reunion

**No Shepard Without Vakarian**

AN: This is my first attempt at fan fiction (don't run away, please!), so reviews and constructive criticism are most welcome. The story is imagined as my take on the Garrus/FemShep romance throughout ME3, so expect it to follow the game with an alternate path here and there. Shepard's colonist/war hero/(mostly)paragon/sentinel.

* * *

Chapter 1: Reunion

The shuttle rocked slightly as it approached Menae, one of Palaven's moons. Commander Shepard stared in front of herself, trying to wrestle with her conflicted feelings. Leaving Earth to save it was just part of it. Playing politics in the middle of a war that could very well be the end of days was another one. However, for her and her alone, there was a special reason for confusion in getting close to Palaven. There was someone down there, someone who-

"Oh, no, _no_! Palaven!" Liara cried out, shock and desperation in both her voice and face, as the shuttle's video feed displayed the view of the burning planet. Shepard stared at the screen, wordless for a moment. She was quite sure the shock was registering on her face, too. A question rang like a bell inside her mind: _My God, is he even alive!_

James shifted weight uncomfortably, and turning at him she noticed a quizzical look in his eyes. Shepard felt obliged to explain: "We have an old friend there". _Yeah. I guess you could call him that. _Her gaze returned to the screen, unable to tear away from the devastation. It looked just like-

"Was it like this on Earth?" It was Liara again.

"Yes." She replied shortly. You could tell things were bad when Commander Teresa Shepard, the illustrious leader who could talk down an enraged krogan, an indoctrinated turian, and a geth and a quarian at each other's throats, couldn't find words to say. The final arrival of the Reapers was taking its toll already, and it was only the beginning.

* * *

Garrus Vakarian was fighting since morning, desperately trying to hold back the Reaper forces. It was only occasionally that he had a moment like this one, to rest for a bit, and be left with his thoughts. He wasn't so sure it was a good thing. There was something he was trying to shield from the conscious part of his mind, ever since the Reapers had arrived, but it kept bubbling inside him, occasionally bursting to the surface. It was exactly as _she _had said. The Reapers came, brought hell with them, and now everyone was turning to him for help. Him! A former C-Sec officer and a former vigilante, now bearer of the "expert Reaper advisor" title. But that wasn't what was bothering him; it was in fact what he expected to happen.

What _was _bothering him were the other memories of _her._ Commander Shepard, his former CO, the hero who stopped Saren and the Collectors, together with him. There were some other people involved, of course, but he fancied himself to be one of her closest, most trusted friends and a reliable ally on the battlefield. They've also been lovers for a single night, right before they hit the Collector base. In the upcoming chaos, their run from the Illusive Man, her trial and locking up by the Alliance and his own return to Palaven, there was no time for discussing feelings. Well, he corrected himself, there was, but he had been actively avoiding it. As was she, he was almost certain, although he wasn't entirely good with human facial expressions and body language yet. As the events pulled them apart, Garrus tried to forget about her, to convince himself it was all just a fling, but was unable to. His feelings for her grew way past that, and the arrival of the Reapers put a nagging question in his mind. It rose to the surface again right this moment: _Will I ever see her again?_

_"-ral Corinthus here, come in, Advisor Vakarian."_ The beginning of the message buzzing through his comlink was lost to the reverie.

"Vakarian here." Garrus replied, shaking his head. _Focus, Vakarian, _he ordered himself, _you're not dying to a Reaper because of heartache._

_"What's the status of General Victus? We can't raise him." _ The general's voice sounded urgent.

"Haven't seen him since we got separated several hours ago." Garrus wondered what the urgency was for.

General Corinthus spoke again:_"The comm tower is out. We're down to short range communication only. We're working on it, but we need a hand in keeping the Reapers at bay. Since you're receiving this you must be close."_

"On my way." Garrus replied immediately, happy for a chance to take his mind off Teresa, pardon, Commander Shepard.

It took him longer than he expected to get to the base because he ran into another group of Reaper troops, and he had to fight his way through. When he finally arrived, he approached Corinthus immediately, feeling a tingle of pride when the general saluted him. There was something oddly satisfying in saying: "At ease, general". His title had some perks, some material, some pampering his ego.

"What's our status?" Garrus asked. He didn't anticipate the answer in the slightest.

"Commander Shepard and her companions went to fix the comm tower just a couple minutes ago. She needs the Primarch for a little diplomatic summit of hers, and since Fedorian is dead, Victus is next in the line of succession. That's why it's important to raise him." The general paused for a moment. "Other than that, the base seems to be quiet. We pushed the Reapers back for a while."

After the first two words, the rest of Corinthus' answer sounded a little muffled. A torrent of various emotions ran through him, the most dominant one being relief. If Shepard was here... then there might be some hope left for Palaven.

"Shepard _will _get the tower fixed _and_ find Victus." Garrus replied resolutely. "I served under her, and she's the type of person who gets things done _without_ too much collateral damage."

"I hope your trust in her is well placed." There was hope and worry in the general's eyes.

"It is, believe me." Garrus said simply.

He needed some time to process the _other _implications of Shepard being here. "I'll go check on the perimeter until the commander gets back." That would give him an excuse to take a walk and collect his thoughts before meeting her.

As he walked, Garrus couldn't shake off the sense of wonder, even awe. What was it with her and her perfect timing? The last time he was as happy as now to see her was on Omega, in one of the most memorable moments of his life, for both good and bad. He saw her face through the scope of his rifle, right behind the merc he had shot in the head. He had to check again, not believing his eyes completely, even taking her shields out with a concussion round, so the others won't get suspicious. She showed up to save his ass from an impossible situation, like a spirit of salvation in a human body (he couldn't help but feel this is slightly sacrilegious), fighting three armies of mercs to help him. That night left a mark, both on his face, but also on his heart, even though he wouldn't admit the second one to himself until recently. And now, she appeared again to save the collective turian ass, not just his. He half expected her to tear the Reapers to pieces with bare hands.

Suddenly, she was at the entrance to the base. He took in her familiar blonde pony tail hopping behind her - a sight he never expected to like as a turian - her determined face and expressive blue-grey eyes. Yes, that was the woman he _loved_. A shudder ran down his spine as the last word echoed in his mind. It was time he started to be honest with his feelings for her, first to himself, then to her and everybody else.

Garrus' eyes were glued to Shepard's figure as she hurried across the base to speak with Corinthus. She didn't seem to know or notice he was there. When he caught up with her, they were already talking.

"-fixed the tower, we haven't been able to contact General Victus." Corinthus was saying as he approached. Although her back was turned on him, he could tell her frustration was increasing.

"Don't worry Shepard, we'll find your Primarch." Garrus said, moving into her field of vision as casually as he could. She flinched at the sound of his voice, and turned to face him. He met her gaze, and read the same torrent of emotions he experienced earlier in her eyes.

"Garrus!" Shepard exclaimed, but that single word seemed to mean so much more. Her arm extended towards him, as if she's initiating a handshake. Without quite knowing what he's doing, his gaze still fixed on hers, Garrus took her hand between both of his and squeezed it tightly. Her hand squeezed back and they stood like that for only a moment, but to both of them it was eternity.

Finally, her hand pulled away, and she found some words to say: "You're alive!" It came out with a sigh of relief.

"I'm hard to kill. You should know that." He said, trying to pull himself back to reality with his usual attitude.

"Yeah, I know. It's just that I always appear in the end to get your skinny turian ass out of trouble." She cracked a small smile, trying to match his tone. He felt his world returning to normal slowly.

"Shepard, _please._ Will you stop mentioning Omega? That was just once… How many times did I pull _your _ass out of fire?" It felt like ages since he grinned at someone.

Behind them, someone was clearing throat. "Ahem, I don't mean to interrupt… but we have a Primarch to find." He recognized Liara's voice. Until now he didn't even notice her and Shepard's other companion, an unfamiliar human male. Shepard was quick to introduce him as Lieutenant James Vega.

"Good to see you, Liara. Pleased to meet you, Lieutenant Vega." Garrus greeted with the most pleased voice he could muster. Shepard. Two more friends. Himself. A whole mess of Reapers around, waiting to be sent to hell. It was beginning to look promising.

"I was with General Victus this morning." Garrus continued. "I was fighting alongside him, but we got separated. Haven't seen him since. He could be anywhere, but if we can't raise him although the tower is working again, I think our best bet would be to go look for him on f-"

Garrus stopped suddenly as Shepard brought a finger to her ear, and held up her hand. "Joker calls. Says it's urgent. Just a sec, I'll patch you to the _Normandy_'s comm system… There!"

"-like she's possessed, shutting down systems and powering up weapons. I don't know what's going on." Garrus was pleased to hear Joker's voice again. Being able to hear the _Normandy_'s comm… it was getting more and more like good old days.

Shepard shook her head, frustrated. "I don't have time to deal with this now. Liara, go back to ship and take a look. I'll go search for Victus with Vega and Garrus." Liara just nodded and hurried back to the shuttle. "Garrus, take me to the place where you last saw General Victus."

"It won't take long, unless we run into troub- whoa!" He spotted a huge Reaper, unlike any he saw before, flying overhead. "It looks like… what do you humans call it?"

"A dragon." Shepard jumped in. "What's this, a fairytale from hell?"

"More like a living nightmare." James added, grabbing his assault rifle.

The dragon-Reaper hovered over an open field just outside the base, dropping off more of the smaller Reaper forces.

"Let's go kill whatever that thing dropped off. Coming, Garrus?" Shepard smiled at him.

"Right behind you, Shepard." He smiled back.

By now he was determined to follow her to the Reapers' lair in dark space if need be. Now that he found her, he'll never let her go again. Ever.

* * *

It's been one hell of a day for Shepard. All she wanted to do now was rest in her cabin for a while, maybe take a shower, but there was something she needed to do. Now that destiny, Lady Luck, God, or whatever higher power there is has given her another chance she wouldn't squander it.

Primarch Victus said Garrus went into the main battery to do some calibrations. She knew him well enough by now to understand what it meant: he needed some time alone. This time, however, she would disturb his privacy with a _very _important conversation. One that was long, _long _overdue.

From what she saw of him on Menae, he felt more for her than friendship. His retreat to the battery once on the ship didn't surprise her much - that was just Garrus. Brave and deadly on the battlefield, shy and awkward in romance. Also, Shepard reminded herself dryly, seeing his homeworld set ablaze _might _have made him seeking solitude.

What he needed was a little encouragement and with hell breaking loose around them she wouldn't delay anymore in giving him some.

The door to the battery opened with a hiss. Sure enough, Garrus was leaned over the gun with his omni-tool lit. Usually, calibrating would make him completely absorbed, but now he straightened and turned around the instant she was through the door.

"Shepard… I was hoping… you'd come by." He stammered, and if it was possible for turians, she'd swear he was blushing.

Before she was able to say anything she saw a flicker of determination in his sky-blue eyes. "I'm sorry I… ran into the battery right away. I was gathering courage to talk about us… " His mandibles were close to his chin and twitching. From what she has learned about turian facial expressions that meant he was very anxious. He added quietly: "Because… I couldn't bear the thought there's no more us. _Is _there still us?"

"Garrus…" Shepard whispered, moved by his awkward honesty. She felt her lips shaking slightly. "Garrus." She repeated, louder. "I was never happier in my life than when I saw you were alive." She crossed the room to stand right in front of him. "I saw Earth burning, and all I could think about was you: Were you safe? Will I ever get to see you again? The main reason I was able to leave was hope I'd hold you again." She reached for his hands, holding them tight. "So, yes, there's still us."

"So…" Garrus let out a confused grumble. "What's the human protocol on couple reunions? I did some research, but I'm not su-" Shepard interrupted him with a quick kiss on his rigid, plated mouth. Then she brushed her cheek against his scarred mandible and finally touched her forehead to his - the turian version of kissing.

"We're not such sticklers for protocol, you silly turian." Shepard murmured. "Relax and be spontaneous."

Garrus let go of her hands, but only to wrap his arms around her. He pressed his mouth against her lips, this time using his tongue to kiss her. Her fingers found their way to under his fringe, tickling the soft skin down there. She was pleased with the grunt he was unable to hold in. They kissed for a while, absorbed in each other, completely forgetting about the galaxy on fire around them.

Finally, Garrus pulled away a bit, still holding her in his arms. He shot an approving glance up and down her figure, and Shepard just couldn't resist teasing him: "Is my waist adequately supportive?"

Garrus sighed: "I'll never live that one down, will I?"

"Nope." She giggled as she spoke. Then they both burst out laughing at the same time.

All was good. They kissed. They laughed. The Reapers hadn't broken them yet.


	2. Catching up

AN: Thanks for the comments/reviews, they are appreciated! Also, I forgot to mention last time: English is not my native language so there WILL be grammar errors, but nothing too major, I hope.

* * *

Chapter 2: Catching up

It was nearing midnight on the Normandy's clock when Garrus entered the elevator and pushed the button for Deck 1. He was casually dressed, in his hand was a bottle of an expensive drink, one of the rare brands that could be safely digested by both DNA types, and in the other one he was carefully balancing a tray full of food. On the one side of the tray was the most edible looking stuff he could find among the ship's food supplies; on the other one some levo-DNA based weirdness he couldn't quite identify. However, he remembered Shepard liking that particular weirdness and eating it quite often, so he picked it for her.

It has been two days since they met on Menae, and Shepard was burying herself neck-deep in work. If she wasn't trying to organize the diplomatic summit, she's been trying to find Cerberus lairs, help ships and people stranded in Reaper infested systems, or doing anything else she could think of to help the war. He knew her and her sense of duty, her burning desire to help people and fix any problem she encountered, but he was afraid she'd burn out if she keeps up the tempo. Now when their relationship has advanced to another level, Garrus felt responsible for her well-being, and was aware she tended to skip meals when saving the galaxy. Also, she promised him they'll catch up for the past six months as soon as there's time, but he felt it won't happen anytime soon unless he creates the opportunity.

"Hey." Garrus called out as he entered her spacious private quarters. There were several datapads scattered on both her bed and desk, and Shepard was sitting at her private terminal with her back turned on him. Her reaction when hearing his voice was different than what he expected. With a quick tap of her fingers on the screen, she closed what looked like a mailing program, although he didn't catch what message was she reading or composing. It struck him as slightly odd, but he decided not to pay much attention to it. It was probably some sensitive Alliance-related message. What else could it be?

"Hey." Shepard replied, cracking a tired smile when she noticed the items in his hands. "Awww, my favorite!" She continued her smile deepening as she examined the contents of the tray further.

"You skipped your dinner, so I decided to make myself useful." Garrus said as he walked past her and set the tray and the bottle on the table under the glass display full of ship models. Then he took a seat on the couch next to the table.

Shepard stood up from the desk, fetched two glasses and sat down close to Garrus. "Thanks, I needed the distraction. The paperwork is killing me."

Garrus poured a glass for her and then for himself. Sipping from her glass, Shepard said thoughtfully: "Hmm, why is it still being called 'paperwork', when we've had holographic displays on _everything_ for decades?"

Garrus chuckled: "Well, I guess you primitive apes, uh, _humans_ still need some time to adjust to the civilized and high tech society you've joined." He knew this was bordering on insult, but was counting on her being aware of his respect for her and his sense of humor.

Shepard seemed unfazed by his barb, as she scoffed dramatically and replied: "I've heard of a human who defeated one of the most famous turian Spectres."

It was Garrus' turn to scoff: "She defeated him by _talking_. That's what humans do: all talk and no work."

Shepard smiled sweetly: "Then she defeated his body which was brought to life by Sovereign, allowing the combined fleets to kill him."

Garrus suddenly turned serious. After a pause he continued: "You know, when you say it that way it's no wonder nobody believed us for years. If I haven't been there, I probably wouldn't have believed it myself."

"Yeah." Shepard took a long gulp of her drink. "Sometimes I wish it _was _all a delusion." Her usually bright eyes became clouded, no doubt because of some dark memory.

Garrus cursed himself inwardly. He got her to smile, to forget what was happening around them and then he blew it. He really wished he was a smooth talker. Unsure what to say, he offered honesty: "I feel the same way. I guess some parts of our story told to the future generations will have to be left out to keep the children sane."

"Not just the children. I can't imagine anyone wanting to hear about the interior of the Collector ship, or their base, or the dead batarians, or-" Shepard was interrupted as Garrus put a taloned finger gently over her mouth.

"If you keep talking like that you'll never eat your dinner." Garrus said, his voice taking a commanding tone. He removed the talon from her lips. "And you know I never leave a job unfinished. So, have at it!"

"Yes, Dad." Shepard replied, with mocking tone returning to her voice and her face brightening up a little.

They ate their dinner in near-complete silence, interrupting it only occasionally to throw a funny remark or a chuckle. Garrus saw Shepard visibly relax, and it helped him find some peace too.

Once the tray was empty, Shepard lowered her head and started rubbing her temples with each of her hands. With a sigh, she said almost too quiet to be heard by Garrus: "I don't know if I can do this…"

Garrus heard her and said seriously: "You can't. Not if you insist on keeping up this tempo." Then he wrapped his arms around her and picked her up. He carried her to the bed, ignoring her half-hearted protests. "You must sleep and eat regularly. And if you won't take care of yourself, be sure that I will."

Surprisingly, Shepard stopped protesting. "You're right. It won't do any good if I die of starvation or lack of sleep. It's just so _easy_ to forget that when everything you know and care for is about to go to hell. Luckily, I have you to remind me… Thanks."

Garrus sat on the bed next to her, and began stroking her face as gently as he could, careful not to scratch her unnaturally soft and gentle skin. Shepard grabbed his hand and kept it close to her face. "Stay for the night… please?" The last word came out as a question. It was so strange to hear her ask for something, and not demand it. What was worse, he didn't know how to answer. He wanted to stay more than anything, but was afraid what would happen if he was found in his commander's bed. As he was silent for a moment, she continued, still with that uncertainty in her voice: "Can't promise you a rematch though. Too tired."

"I… uh… don't know. Is that a wise idea? What if someone sees me in your bed?" Garrus asked, rubbing his forehead with his free hand.

"Come on, Garrus. The crew respects my privacy. And so what if somebody sees you? If we're making this 'official', we might as well start now. Someone is going to figure it out sooner or later." Shepard's voice took the "commander tone" again, and Garrus found no valid arguments to counter anything she said.

He slipped into the bed next to her, carefully putting the covers over them both. Once he was nicely settled, Shepard snuggled close to him and they wrapped their arms around each other. She turned the lights off then, and they were left in near darkness, the only light being provided by the fish tank. Garrus felt the tension he was feeling lately fade away as they lay together in silence.

Shepard seemed to relax too, her head resting on the crook of his shoulder. Garrus almost started to drift away when he heard her say, in a very quiet voice: "I saw my home burn twice…" His embrace tightened at the pain he heard behind the words. "I lost Mindoir first." Garrus just kept quiet, wanting her to let out whatever feelings have been brewing in her. She continued in the same voice: "I still felt connected to Earth, although I wasn't born on it. A lot of us 'early colonists' did. So I kept telling myself: 'You still have Earth.' And now I lost it too."

Still not saying anything, Garrus found her chin and brought her lips to his mouth to kiss her. He felt that any reassurances about not losing Earth, or defeating the Reapers would sound hollow at this point, so he offered what he could: a kiss upon kiss, hoping they would chase the dark thoughts away. When he pulled away, her head found its way back to his shoulder. He heard her murmur something that sounded like: "What would I do without you…" before finally giving in to sleep.

When her peaceful breathing confirmed that she was asleep, Garrus kept very still and let the sleep come back to him. Soon they were both far away from the problems around them.

* * *

When Shepard woke up, she was glad she didn't have any nightmares. She's been having them ever since Mindoir, but lately they increased in both frequency and intensity. In fact, she couldn't remember when was the last time she woke up feeling so refreshed. She looked with an expression of thanks at the sleeping turian next to her. He was making the cutest sound, kind of a cross between a hum and a growl as he breathed, obviously still fast asleep. She rolled to the side, careful not to wake him, and looked at her bedside clock. It was well past 8 AM.

_Crap._

She would usually be on her feet two hours earlier. Luckily, nothing around indicated she missed something important while getting the much needed sleep. She was even considering snoozing a little more, when the door suddenly hissed open.

"Shepard! My contacts from Thessia have important info about the asari gover-" Liara's melodic voice filled the cabin, stopping abruptly when she noticed Shepard still being in bed. "Oh sorry, I thought you'd be up by now and… and…" Liara trailed off when she realized who was sleeping next to the commander.

"Alone?" Shepard jumped in helpfully. Liara glanced to the side bashfully. "Don't worry, Liara, we're dressed." Shepard's voice sounded amused. Ever since she became the Shadow Broker, Liara was getting hard to surprise. A part of Shepard enjoyed this. "Don't tell me you didn't know about this." She added as Liara was still looking for words to say.

"I, uh, knew, but didn't expect to find, uh, him in your bed." Liara stammered, still having a hard time to look at the bed.

Garrus stirred at the commotion, and sat up abruptly upon hearing a voice other than Shepard's. The poor turian looked like his worst fears had come true. Shepard patted him on the back lightly, hoping he'd notice Liara being almost more unsettled than him. It didn't seem to help much. Well, she _told _him they aren't likely to be seen, but not even Commander Shepard could predict _everything_, now could she?

"Morning, Liara…" Garrus finally managed to have some words out of his mouth. Although he was still groggy, he got out of the bed before Shepard could stop him.

"I… have something to work on at the main gun so…" Garrus managed to say as he hurried through the door and out of the room. Shepard shook her head slightly.

"Garrus is still Garrus." Shepard told Liara as she got out of the bed. Any chance for getting some more rest was ruined. "You were saying something about the asari government?" She asked, hoping to get the conversation in the more familiar waters.

"…Yes." Liara replied, finally regaining her composure. "My contacts say the asari won't be joining the summit for as long as the krogan are there. Too much bad blood. I believe the asari councilor will make a call soon and make it official, so I thought I'd give you a heads up. It's important to know what to expect in diplomacy."

"Damn. One would think that with Reapers around some of the old grudges could be forgotten. No such luck, it seems" Shepard sighed, feeling the weight of her duty returning to her shoulders. "Now that we have the asari refusal, I think that about covers it. The rest of the species confirmed their arrival. The summit can start once it goes official." Shepard added, not feeling exactly happy at the prospect of having krogans, turians and salarians aboard her ship. Hopefully, there won't be any hull ruptures.

Liara nodded: "I agree. The sooner we get this rolling, the better." She seemed to hesitate for a moment. "There is… another thing I want to talk about."

"Yes?" Shepard crossed her arms across her chest. For some reason she didn't like the sound of this.

"You… received a message with an interesting invitation. What are you going to do about it?" Liara asked, still hesitant.

"Liara! Stop reading my mail!" Shepard exclaimed, trying to cover up how this particular issue made her feel unsettled.

"I'm the Shadow Broker, remember?" Liara's smile betrayed that _she _was now enjoying this. "You still need to do something about it. Will you?" She added, her voice losing the previous hesitation.

"I'll… I'll visit him. I owe him an explanation." It was Shepard turn to stammer. She was _awful _at this.

"Good. After all, he ended up in hospital because he was protecting you." Liara said, leaving an uncomfortable silence after her words. "I'll leave you to your work, Shepard." With that Liara left the cabin.

Being alone again, Shepard went straight to her private terminal. She brought up the same message she was reading when Garrus brought her dinner last night, and punched the "reply" button. This probably wasn't going to be pretty, but it had to be done.

_Kaidan,_

_I'm glad you're feeling better. I'll visit you soon, maybe even today. There's a big diplomatic summit coming up, and I'm in charge. There won't be much time left for socializing then, I'm afraid. We'll discuss the Spectre topic once I'm there._

_See you soon,_

_Teresa_

With a sigh, she punched the "send" button and watched the message get sent. Then she brought up Joker on the ship's intercom and said: "Joker. Plot the course to the Citadel."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." It was all he said, sparing her any comments.


	3. Trust

Chapter 3: Trust

Shepard stood at the entrance to Huerta Memorial Hospital and looked around. Her stomach was in knots. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but this place was giving her the creeps.

_Who in their right mind could design such a hospital?_

It was huge. It had glass panels instead of walls, allowing perfect view on the Presidium below. In fact, it looked like she was floating above it. Ever since the _incident_, she couldn't handle wide open spaces very well, _especially_ if they were in zero-g, or felt like it.

Forcing herself to get moving, she felt her heartbeat rate climbing to unhealthy levels, although it wasn't just because of her phobia. There were a lot of little things included, but the one bothering her most was an unsettling feeling that she was working behind Garrus' back. And yet, she couldn't imagine sharing this with him. It was a ghost from _her_ past and she'll deal with it. Or him.

_Give me Terminus mercs to kill. I don't care which company. Give me batarian pirates. Reapers. Cerberus. Just don't make me handle tricky relationships._

Taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly, she managed to calm herself down somewhat. She was keeping her gaze on the floor as she walked towards the inpatient wing, which caused her to nearly bump into someone who was greeting her. Looking up, she realized it was Dr. Chloe Michel.

_Great. Just what I need. _For some reason, she never particularly liked the doctor.

"Here to see Kaidan?" Dr. Michel asked, with her annoying French accent.

"Yes." Shepard replied curtly. She wasn't in the mood for pleasantries.

"He is doing better, I'm pleased to say. His implant is acting up though, so we'd like to keep him for a bit more."

Shepard wondered why was the doctor telling her this, like she couldn't find it out from Kaidan five minutes later. There was something else the doctor wanted, that much was obvious.

"Good to know. Now if there isn't anything else, I should go." Shepard wasn't sure herself why was she so dismissive with Dr. Michel.

"Well, in fact, there is. Is Garrus aboard the _Normandy_ again? I've heard he is." Dr. Michel's question was innocent enough, but her voice was betraying her. She sounded like a schoolgirl in love, talking about the boy she secretly pined for.

"Yes, he is." Shepard felt a sting of jealousy. No, a stab actually, with a rather large blade. "He's quite busy though, working with the Primarch, calibrating the main gun and stuff." This felt like it was close to rambling. She needed to end this conversation _now. _

"Oh! That is unfortunate! I was hoping we could meet and talk about old times" Dr. Michel continued. Shepard felt that blade going in deeper. _What "old times" is she talking about?_

"I _really _must go." At this point, Shepard didn't care if she would come off as rude, so she simply started walking again, leaving the doctor behind.

Standing outside Kaidan's room, Shepard took a few moments to collect herself and shake Dr. Michel out of her mind. No, whatever she was implying was impossible. She trusted Garrus not having any side affairs, and if he had any in the past that could affect them today, he would admit it. She trusted him.

As she stood there, the door opened on its own, revealing Councilor Udina. Shepard suppressed the urge to scream. What else had this day in store for her? The councilor was squarely at the top of her "people she didn't want to meet" list.

Thankfully, this encounter was mercifully short, as she and Udina just exchanged nods while she walked past him into the room. She stopped in front of Kaidan's bed, still unsure how to handle this. "Hi, Kaidan…" She said it with as even voice as she could muster.

"Hi." Kaidan said, motioning at an empty chair next to his bed. An uncomfortable silence followed while Shepard was taking a seat.

Shepard spoke first: "So, I assume Udina was here about the Spectre invitation?" _Take it slow. Start with small talk. Prepare the ground._

"Yes. I still don't know what to answer." Kaidan's eyes were unreadable as he spoke. Shepard felt weird that the man lying here, who was once so close to her, has somehow turned into a complete stranger. She could read a freaking _turian, _with facial armor and all, better than Kaidan.

"I can't answer that for you." It came out a little more irritated than she intended, but she didn't remember him being so damn indecisive when they were together. Was she so wrong about him, or did he change so much? Maybe it was her who changed?

"I'm not asking you to. I just wanted a little more input. How did you feel when you were asked to be a Spectre?" Kaidan's voice grew more careful, as if he was aware of her being irritated.

"Honored. Thrilled. A little worried. A tiny bit uncertain. But I knew I wanted to be a Spectre right away." It felt strange remembering that moment. It all began there, in that briefing room, with Anderson and Nihlus telling her she's been selected as a Spectre candidate. Then the geth appeared, and the illusion of a peaceful galaxy was shattered. Then came… everything else. Most of that she didn't want to remember. However, what she said was true. When the invitation came, she knew it was the right call.

Kaidan answered something, but it barely registered with Shepard who was lost in her memories. Did he notice or not, Shepard didn't know, as his next question got her full attention. He took a deep breath and voiced what was lingering around them, making the air thick and unpleasant: "So… you and Garrus… There are rumors you two are together, ever since you joined with Cerberus. Are you?"

Shepard almost couldn't believe it. The question came out as an accusation, with an extra coldness as he mentioned Cerberus, and he was glaring at her. Was he _really _accusing her after dumping her on her ass on Horizon? She felt her temper flaring up, but was still willing to resolve this like a civilized being.

"We're together. Officially, we weren't until recently, but I loved him from the moment I saw him again on Omega." She didn't want it to come out so bluntly, yet it did, the last part an icy dagger.

Kaidan was taken aback by her answer, and his voice sounded hurt: "So you cheated on me even back then? How could you?"

Any other time, she would be sensitive to the hurt in his voice, but as the word "cheated" registered with her, the only emotion she felt was anger. Usually, she perceived it as a hot, burning feeling, but this was… cold.

She spoke, almost unnaturally calm: "I loved you once. Then I died, and when I came back nothing was the same. Garrus was the only connection with my old self, the only person I could trust. I denied my feelings for him because of you, until you dumped me on Horizon." Kaidan looked like he would protest at this, but Shepard held her hand up and continued without stopping: "Don't say you didn't because what else was it? You even sent me a mail later, claiming you were seeing somebody else. What was I supposed to think?"

It was out. Her confession was finally out, and it was even easier to say it than she thought it would be. If only it didn't leave a churning feeling in her stomach. Despite being angry with Kaidan now, she didn't want to hurt him… _much_.

Kaidan sank into the pillow on his bed, silent for a while. When he finally spoke, his voice was different from anything she heard before. It was sad, broken. "I never wanted it to end this way, Shepard. I just… didn't know if I could trust you."

"But it did. You weren't there when I needed you most. Garrus was. And when you _were_ there, all you did was accuse me. I'm sorry but I can't trust _you _anymore." The sound of his voice did sting a little, but the hard truth was that she couldn't do much to help him. Her heart belonged with Garrus. She stood up from the chair gracefully. "I don't think we'll work out again, ever. Get well soon." With that, she left his room.

Once she was through the door, she sighed with relief. This was an episode of her life she wouldn't want to go through again anytime soon.

* * *

"Where did Shepard go?" Garrus' bulky, armored form filled the door to Liara's cabin. The asari councilor called, refusing to join the diplomatic summit in making. Shepard signaled the salarians and the krogan, telling them to go to Pranas_,_ but still refused to leave the Citadel's dock and go there. Instead, she snuck off the ship without telling him a single word. Something was wrong, he was sure.

"I don't know, Garrus." Liara didn't even turn to look at the turian as she spoke. "I'm sure she'll be back soon, with the summit and all."

"Don't give me that crap, T'Soni." His frustration was evident from a slight growl in his secondary voice. Maybe he was coming off as possessive, but right now he didn't care. "Shepard has been avoiding me and behaving strange ever since you visited this morning. So don't pretend you don't know anything about this."

Liara turned away from her monitors to fully address the growling turian at her door. She knew better than to anger them further when they began growling. Sometimes they weren't _that_ different from krogans. "Fine. She went to see Kaidan. He sent a mail from the hospital wanting to talk. Apparently, he thinks she has some _explaining_ to do. She asked me to keep quiet about it before she left."

Garrus let out a snort of laughter: "Is that it? And here I was, thinking it was something dark and sinister."

Liara didn't expect such a reaction and asked, confused: "What's funny?"

Still chuckling, Garrus replied: "I can imagine what's going on in there right now: Kaidan getting dumped on his pretty ass. I hope she won't hurt him _much._"

Liara shook her head. "You two share a sense of humor I just don't get sometimes. Poor Kaidan."

"She knows how to control herself. He'll live." Garrus still sounded amused. "I won't tear you from your work anymore, Liara. Thanks for telling me." He turned around and started walking towards the battery.

His thoughts as he walked weren't as calm as his conversation with Liara might have indicated. The talk with Kaidan he could understand, in fact he expected something like that to happen somewhere along the line. What stung him - just a bit, but it did - was the fact that she didn't tell him about it. Was she afraid of his reaction? Didn't she trust him?

Garrus stopped in the middle of a step at the thought of it and changed his course towards the elevator.

* * *

Shepard got aboard the _Normandy_ and gave instruction on their next destination to Joker immediately. They were headed for the summit and she went straight to her cabin, wanting to clear her head as much as possible before they get there. What she didn't know was that she was in for a surprise.

When the door slid open, it revealed Garrus lounging on her bed, apparently making himself at home. He was still in his armor, but he seemed experienced in making himself comfortable while wearing it.

"How did it go?" Garrus asked, flexing his mandibles at her. This was a turian gesture equivalent to a human grin.

"How did what go?" _Dammit. He knows. I should have known he'd find out._

"Kaidan. Will he survive?" His tone was surprisingly amused for the topic they were discussing.

"It wasn't exactly pretty. But yeah, he'll survive." Shepard felt a pang of guilt. _I've been hiding it from him, and there he is in my bed, making jokes_. "I can't keep anything from you, can I?"

"I was a C-Sec investigator. A damn good C-Sec investigator. Nothing stays hidden from me." His voice was filled half with pride and half with mockery.

_He isn't angry. He isn't angry. You'll get out of this alive._ Shepard's mind was racing as he spoke. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I should have told you… but it was something I wanted to do alone."

"You can trust me with anything. I knew the only possible outcome of your talk with Kaidan is him getting dumped. I trust you." Garrus didn't intend it to happen, but a bit of that sting he experienced before crept into his voice as he spoke. Shepard caught it and the guilt she felt earlier was joined by shame.

"I know, Garrus. It won't happen again, I promise." She hurt him, although unwillingly. However, he seemed willing to forgive her. Now if there was something she could do to prove him she trusts him…

After a short while, a thought crossed her mind. She joined him in bed, although he took most space in his armor. As casually as she could, she began to speak: "You know, I bumped into Dr. Michel today."

"Who? Oh, one of my contacts while I was still in C-Sec… The one who got in trouble while we were looking to expose Saren." Shepard grinned inwardly. She _knew _there was nothing between them now.

"Yeah, her. She mentioned something about 'old times' though, maybe meet with you and talk about it?" Her tone was completely innocent as she spoke.

"What old times? I barely knew her."

"Are you sure? She was one step from drooling when your name was mentioned." Shepard kept the innocent tone.

"Are you saying she's interested in me? Is that why she was all over me every time I talked to her back then?" Garrus sounded confused and suddenly took a deep breath. "Wait a minute, Shepard. You don't… you don't mean, _do you?_"

"Of course not. I was just teasing you. I knew she was rambling. I _trust _you." She reached for him and pulled his head close to her, letting their foreheads touch.

"If you trust me, I guess I can forgive you for not telling me about Kaidan. Maybe I'll even trust you enough to get out of my armor." There was something predatory in Garrus' eyes now.

"Really. Had anything special on your mind?" It came out a little strained as his look nearly made her breath hitch.

"You still owe me a rematch."

They were still several hours away from Pranas. It should be more than enough.

"So you're saying that I've _won_ last time? I mean usually the side who loses asks for a rematch." Even though her pulse was racing and breathing was uneven, she still felt obliged to continue their typical exchanges. They were one of the foundations of their relationship.

"I _let_ you win." Garrus stood up and began removing his armor. Piece by piece, it fell to the floor with a _clang_. "This time I'll show you what a turian can do _for real_."

His secondary voice was now rumbling with desire like never before. It made her feel grateful for lying down, because it turned her knees to jelly. With a voice much huskier than usual, she addressed the ship's AI: "EDI. Lock the door to the cabin, and if someone tries to get in, I don't care who, zap them with an overload."

Garrus didn't stop at his armor. He removed the clothes he wore underneath and joined her in the bed. Soon her own clothes was removed, now slightly more torn than they were a little while ago. Then there were some chafing marks on her skin. And some claw marks on her back. And a bite mark on her shoulder. And finally, the most welcomed feel of her brain shorting out, granting her release from what happened before, and what will come after.


	4. Friendly Advice

AN: I hope my Shepard doesn't come off as too whiny, but I love to write about her human side. I always imagined Shepard to pull off all those awesome deeds with a heavy price to pay when she (or he) is awake at night. Only this time, my Shepard has someone to see her in those moments of weakness.

As usual, your comments, alerts and favorites are appreciated!

* * *

Chapter 4: Friendly Advice

_Teresa was back on Mindoir. Only this time, she was a grown up woman, not a teenage kid. However, the farm she was at was the one she grew up on. There was not a cloud in a sky, and the wind was making waves in the fields of wheat that were surrounding her. The waves of wheat would always make her calm. It was a picture which spoke peace very clearly to her, and yet there was something very wrong with it. Why was it wrong for her to think of peace?_

_The beauty of her surroundings had captivated Teresa for a while, she couldn't tell how long. There was a nagging feeling in her mind, like she forgot something but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Soon it became too loud to ignore, and she decided to enter the house, hoping she would remember whatever she forgot._

_As soon as she was through the door, a little turian girl and a human boy jumped at her. Those were the children she adopted, her children, and she felt her heart melt with joy at the sight of them. Nerin dragged her to the living room, wanting to show a picture that she and Robert drew together. There, on the couch, was Garrus watching a vid._

_Garrus. The very thought of that name made her heart flutter._

_At the sight of him, the surroundings changed. The children disappeared and Teresa and Garrus were back on Omega, in the room he barricaded himself in. There was a gunship flying around the building, trying to get a good aim at Garrus. He tried to take cover behind the couch he was sitting on a moment ago, but he wasn't fast enough. A rocket hit him in the face and sent him flying across the room. Teresa screamed his name, and rushed over to his broken form lying motionless in a pool of blue blood. She had no omni-tool, no medigel, and no _Normandy_ to call. Garrus was going to-_

Shepard woke with a gasp. She sat up, trying to get her bearings and free herself from the grasp of the nightmare. Her movements were rapid, jittery, and she accidentally hit the figure sleeping next to her squarely in the chest plates.

Garrus woke with a start and a confused grunt. "Mhhhhm, a nightmare, again?" His words were sluggish, drawled, his mind still halfway in the realm of dreams.

"I'm sorry." Shepard's hand was on her heart, feeling the thunderous beating. "Go back to sleep."

She felt his gaze on her, despite the near darkness around them. There wasn't enough light to get a good read on, but she was almost certain it was worry in his eyes. Right now, she hated herself for her nightmares. If she was too weak-willed to deal with her past, why did Garrus have to suffer for it too?

His arms somehow found their way around her, and she was pulled back down and drawn in a tight embrace. "Was it a really bad one?" Garrus whispered. She could feel his breaths near her ear.

"Yes. Now go to sleep, you don't have to lose it because of my nightmares." She felt his talons running through her hair.

"You're the one who should be worried about not getting sleep, not me. This happens too often for my liking. Did you always have so many of them?" The worry in his eyes was now evident in his voice, too.

"I've been having them ever since Mindoir." Her voice cracked slightly at the last word. "But not this much, no, until the Reapers arrived for real. It's… I don't know." She trailed off, not really knowing _why _was it happening to her.

"Hmm. You might have to get some help about it." He voiced what she was thinking lately. "You'll need a clear head to go through this. Now try to get some sleep before the night cycle ends, and remember I'm right here."

The last part tugged at her chest. He always somehow knew what to say to comfort her when it really mattered. Sure he would sometimes say something silly or inappropriate - often caused by cultural differences - but when she needed him… he was right there.

They were lying in silence for a while, and Garrus soon fell asleep again. She lay awake, feeling the sleep running away as she tried to reach for it. In the empty space left by its absence, she couldn't stop her thoughts from bubbling in her head.

She wondered if she should have told him what the nightmare was about, but her tongue felt like it was made of lead at the very thought of it. What was she supposed to say, _I was dreaming of you and me having _children? The word "children", now that she was outside of the dream, caused her mind to shut itself, like it dropped a bulkhead. _It's what happens to normal people, not Commander Shepard._

The thought of telling him of her terrible fear of losing him was almost equally disconcerting. Ever since they've been together, he's seen enough of her… weaker side. It was a part of her that she's been desperately trying to hide, to be _Commander Shepard _for her crew, the "immovable center", as Dr. Chakwas once put it. The bad thing was, she was getting terrible in hiding it from Garrus. What if he decides she's not the _Commander Shepard _he fell in love with and- _No. No way. Don't think that way or you'll drive yourself crazy._

The sleep still wouldn't come back to her. It looked like another ruined night. Her dream made her think about Mindoir and all the people who died or were taken away there. She's been a teenage girl, silly and cheerful, in love with a boy who had no idea she had a crush on him. When the slavers hit, she was on the way to the farm from the nearby town. She's been out with her friends, and was returning home after staying out too late. When she was halfway between the town and the farm, she saw fires and smoke. First they appeared behind her and then, to her utter horror in front of her too, from the direction where their farm has been located. She got panicked and ran into the nearby forest where she was hiding until she saw the Alliance ships landing. That was the first _glorious _adventure of the _fearless_ Commander Shepard.

Most of the time she was able to deal with this memory - somehow - but now, in her current vulnerable state, it made her question her motives. Was she doing this, all of this what she has done up to this point, all those times when she gave away a piece of herself to save someone just to fight the guilt? _There was nothing I could do. I was sixteen at the time. I had no combat training whatsoever. _Her usual litany didn't help her this time. It rang hollow in her mind, as her inner voice was accusing her of selfishness. She wasn't doing it for the people, it kept saying, but to destroy demons from the past.

Garrus wasn't much of a help with these thoughts. Whatever he might have thought of himself, he _was_ a turian. As he told her already, they expected losses, humans wanted to save everyone. And she knew there was truth to that, because _she _wanted to save everyone. Every ship lost to save the Destiny Ascension, every colonist they've lost to the Collectors, every time she was too slow or too late left a mark on her soul. Telling him about these doubts would only result in him trying to instill some turian sense in her, and that wasn't what she wanted at all. She, in fact, didn't know what she wanted.

Shepard turned around in bed quickly, trying to break free of such thoughts. Luckily, this time Garrus didn't wake up. Her gaze fell on the bedside clock. It was 5:30 AM. She decided to get up. It was only half an hour earlier from her usual time, and there was no point in lying here and killing herself over old wounds.

She wriggled out of his embrace as gently as possible. Quietly, she snuck out of bed and got dressed quickly. On the tip of her toes, she left the cabin, hoping to find something - really, anything - to do. Garrus remained asleep.

* * *

Garrus woke up and felt for Shepard with his hands. Of course, she wasn't there, and her side of their bed was cold. He squinted at the bedside clock. It was nearly 7 AM. Stretching, he sighed and wondered how early she got up, and did she get any sleep at all after the nightmare.

It's been nearly two weeks since the summit, and the events it set in motion were underway at full speed. Wrex, their old pal, was here along with Mordin and a female krogan named Eve. Her real name was unknown, some krogan cultural thing. They've been working on curing the genophage, something Garrus never thought he would live to see. If Shepard pulled _that _off, it was one more reason to admire her.

During that time, he and Shepard got really close. He practically lived in her cabin now. Sure, he would still go to the battery to work on the cannon, or go down in the shuttle bay to discuss weapon mods with James, but at the end of the day he'd return here, and they would make love (unless they were too exhausted) and fall asleep in each other's arms afterwards. It was awfully close to the feeling of coming home. He decided it was a very comforting feeling.

While they were waiting on Mordin to finish the cure, Shepard continued with her miracle performing. She helped the Primarch's son, fixed an old turian mistake buried in the past, even scored another deal with the rachni. Now _that_ was something he'd never fully understand or approve of. Rachni were… dangerous, and didn't exactly inspire trust. But still, it was _Shepard _dealing with them, and somehow he felt it will all turn alright, despite himself.

Their newfound closeness brought a revelation for him. He, of course, suspected that all what Shepard did must have had a price, but he had _no idea_ it was that high. The burnout he was afraid of when he brought her dinner two weeks ago was even more imminent than he thought. He offered what he could, his shoulder, his embrace, his passion, even his clumsy words, but it didn't seem to be enough. Even when she wasn't having nightmares, she would toss and turn in her sleep, often waking him (he would rather cut his tongue off than complain, though).

He tried to talk about it once, trying to reason with her, explaining the turian way. She couldn't save everyone, and if even one survivor was left after the war is over, then it was worth it. That was one of the rare times she got angry with him. She tried to hide it, but the hard, icy glint in her eyes, frowned eyebrows and lips in a tight line betrayed her (he was _almost_ proud of his increasing ability to read human facial expressions). If we start thinking that way, she argued, then the Reapers have already won. A part of him _wanted_ to believe it could be done her way, but the post-Archangel part of him disagreed. This isn't going to be like their previous missions, when everyone returned safe and sound (mostly).

Garrus sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, then opening them again. He wished he was better with words, that he could lie on demand, pretend to agree with her just to bring light to her eyes and smile on her lips. It was awful to feel so utterly useless, but she seemed to live on ideals, and he had run out of his on Omega.

These thoughts were making his head feel heavy. He shook it and got out of bed, then got dressed quickly. He dragged himself towards the weapon modification bench in the armory. Lately, Shepard's been eyeing his new armor piercing ammo mod he recently installed on his sniper rifle. It was his own design and she didn't dare to ask him how to mod her Mattock with it, although he felt it was on the tip of her tongue for the last few days. Maybe he was bad with words, but he was good with weapon mods. He hoped she'll appreciate the gesture when she finds the mod installed on her gun. It was the best he could do.

* * *

Shepard walked quickly towards the med bay. The lack of sleep has finally begun to take its toll. She was cranky and short with everyone. Five minutes ago she yelled at Samantha for no reason. This was not a behavior she'd allow herself. If she'd begun to crack under the pressure, then the _Normandy_, the krogans and everyone else were doomed.

For some reason, it made her feel easier that it was Mordin inside the med lab and not Dr. Chakwas. Maybe it was her pride not allowing her to show Dr. Chakwas she was not the "immovable center" but just a human being in need of sleeping pills. Mordin will give her the pills with no questions asked, like he did with anti-allergy ones for both her and Garrus, and she could be on her way. Nobody will know except him, and she trusted him to keep his mouth shut.

Mordin turned away from his console to look at her as she entered the lab. "Shepard. Busy finishing cure, but have some time to talk."

"I need your help, Mordin." She decided to keep this simple.

"Glad to." In a strange way, his way of talking calmed her. With all that's happened, some things never changed.

"I have trouble sleeping lately. I was hoping you have something that could help."

"Insomnia? Nightmares? Need to know more." She could swear it was an expression of concern crossing his face.

"I get waken up by nightmares often and then I can't sleep for the rest of the night. So I guess it's both." It was quite a strange feeling to admit this.

"Moment." Mordin rummaged through his supplies of medications. Finding the correct pill bottle, he tossed it in her hands. "Here. This should help. But Shepard… Sleeping pills only a temporary solution. Nightmares suggest psychological issues. Need to deal with those."

Well. He didn't say anything that hadn't crossed her mind already, but still hearing it like that stung. Mordin was like that, not afraid of speaking freely, straight in your face.

"Thanks, Mordin. I have no time to deal with the psychol-" Her words were cut out as Eve shifted on her medical bed, cleared her throat and said: "Commander Shepard, may I talk to you for a moment?"

Shepard turned to look at Eve, and suddenly had an epiphany. Eve was the closest she had to a female friend ever since Sarah, her best friend from teenage days died on Mindoir. They've spoken a few times already and Eve was so different from male krogans, ready to sacrifice herself for the future of her race, kind, smart and caring. They've been quite alike, actually.

"Yes, of course." Shepard replied and took a seat on the bed next to Eve's. She shot a quick glance at Mordin, but he was already absorbed in his work, slightly humming to himself. Nah, he won't hear anything of their talk.

"Is everything alright with you and Garrus?" Eve asked, with concern in her voice.

They've talked about Shepard's relationship with Garrus before, and Shepard found it's easy talking to Eve about it. "It's not what bothers me. But I admit our relationship must sound a little crazy. He looks like a cross between a bird and a dino- a giant lizard, he doesn't have lips and yet we kiss, I can't snuggle with him without getting scratched and his, uh, _fluids_ can potentially kill me, but he's about the only thing that keeps me sane." Shepard was slightly shocked at the words that just fell out of her mouth. Was it the lack of sleep that made her so open?

Mordin cleared his throat at the mention of _fluids_, but Shepard hoped it was just a coincidence. If it was not… she should have taken Eve to her cabin. If he does something similar again, she'd smack him, no matter how much she liked him usually.

"You don't have to worry about _how _it happens, if it works for you two." Eve said, her voice taking the gentle and calm tone which was still hard to associate with a krogan.

"But what about our relationship in the long run? Turians and humans don't have exactly good potential for a long term relationship. There's still a lot of bad blood from the First Contact War. And what if we start thinking about kids somewhere along the line? I doubt it's going to work, at least the normal way." The shock she felt a moment ago was nothing compared to what she experienced as the word "kids" was spoken.

Eve was shaking her head, the decorations on her veil following the movements. "Think about our common enemy, the Reapers. From what you've told me, they only care about reproduction, making more of them with our genetic material. For all of their cunning, they are still machines, interested in numbers and estimates only. We organics don't work that way. We sometimes do something irrational and it still pays off. If it helps you, you shouldn't ditch something just because it is expected of you."

Shepard felt like Eve was speaking from her soul. This was exactly what was she thinking: reduce the organics to numbers and they're no better than Reapers. There must have been more to them. She nodded: "I thought the same way as you, but never thought it could apply to Garrus and me as well until now. It's… a new perspective."

"If it's not Garrus bothering you, then tell me what is." Eve's words were gentle enough, but something in her voice demanded an answer. Mordin kept blissfully silent, except for an absentminded hum here and there.

"I guess it's Mindoir, my childhood home I've lost. I started doubting if I'm doing all this to absolve myself from guilt I feel since then. I was very young then, but I still feel guilt for not being able to do anything." There, it went out. Still, it only left a taste of ash in her mouth, not making her feel any better.

"Such tragedies define us, it's true." Eve's voice was filled with a surprising amount of sympathy. "But they can define us in different ways. Some people become heartless, cold. You have become a savior. I doubt it would happen if the only thing defining you was guilt."

Eve kept surprising her throughout this conversation. She did it again, giving her a new perspective once more. "I… I never thought of it that way. The only thing I could think about when I remembered Mindoir was that frustrating feeling of being helpless and how I'll never allow myself to feel that way again."

"Is that why you're always so formal with everyone?" Eve asked.

"I don't understand."

"People always call you by your rank, or your surname. I've never heard anyone using your given name, and from what I know of human culture it's a gesture of friendship and closeness. Are you trying to run away from the time when you were just your given name, no rank or anything?" Eve was _surprisingly _smart for a krogan.

"That's true. Back then, I was just Teresa. Using my surname helped me put distance between my old life and the new one." She was now feeling more than little exposed, but for some reason it wasn't such a terrible feeling as she was afraid it would be.

"So, Teresa is your given name? May I call you that?"

"…Yes. I guess it's time for me to stop running from the past and focus on what's happening now. I'm looking forward to the day I'll be able to know your real name." This gesture of trust made her shoulders relax from a tension she even wasn't aware she had.

"You will, Teresa. Once my people have their future secured, you'll know my name."

The rest of their conversation was just relaxing small talk: the food on the _Normandy_, Joker's relationship with EDI, Wrex's fear of needles. Mordin even sang them a song. Once she was out of the med bay, she felt the crankiness was almost gone.

She was still weary, so she headed straight for her cabin. There were no issues demanding her immediate attention, and she decided to have some time completely for herself. She deserved it, more than anyone on the ship. Once she was inside, she plopped down on the bed immediately.

Using her omni-tool, she programmed her ship model display, which also doubled for screen for _extremely_ private transmissions to show a vid she downloaded from the extranet. It was her favorite romantic comedy from the time she was still on Mindoir. She wanted to see it again for the longest time, but never dared because of the possible memories that might resurface. Right now, she felt ready to deal with it, actually, she _wanted _to see it.

The vid has barely started when the door slid open, revealing Garrus. She was glad to see him out of armor. He was wearing it much less on the ship now. She _hoped_ it was because he was feeling more relaxed when near her.

There was an unmistakable concern in his eyes as he spotted her there, but it melted away when he took a good look at her. She could feel the more relaxed air about her herself.

"Hey." Garrus called out, moving closer to the bed. Shepard paused the vid, and granted him her full attention. "I've got a surprise for you in the cargo bay. You might want to check on your Mattock." He looked really, _really _pleased with himself.

"Hey yourself, big guy. A surprise… hmmm…" Shepard glanced to the side as she pondered what it might be. Suddenly a glint of triumph flashed in her eyes. "Ah. I know. You installed your ammo mod I was eyeing on my gun. Thanks." That was _just_ the kind of gift she wanted.

"Damn it. You're too perceptive for me to surprise you." Garrus actually looked a little disappointed.

"Are you _pouting_?" Shepard feigned anger. "Come on, you should be proud you have a smart girlfriend." She patted the empty side of her bed. "Jump in, and let's watch a vid. I need something relaxing to do. I bet you haven't seen this one" She unpaused the vid.

Garrus complied. "Hey, I've seen it." He said as the title was displayed.

"You… what?" She was genuinely shocked.

"Yeah. I did some research on human romantic customs on my own… after I discovered those vids Joker sent me were porn."

Shepard burst out laughing, quite loudly and uncontrollably. It was the only thing she could do.

Garrus seemed to be mortified. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, Shepard."

"Teresa."

"Huh?"

"My name is Teresa. If we're in a relationship, you need to call me by my given name." She meant it when she decided to stop running.

"Alright, Sh- Teresa." Garrus sounded equally confused and pleased.

_Teresa_ wasn't sure if it were the pills, or her talk to Eve, or Garrus, but she was actually looking forward to the night awaiting her for the first time in a long, long while.


	5. Old Wounds

Chapter 5: Old Wounds

The meeting was over. All was set. It was time to land on Tuchanka, and begin their mission to cure the genophage. There was only one _slight _problem: a Reaper landed on the planet, blocking their way to the Shroud Tower, the building Mordin wanted to use to distribute the cure. They had no _real _plan to deal with the Reaper, except to distract it and then run past, and Teresa hated it. Still, it was their only chance, and she was known to take chances, no matter how slim they seemed.

She felt her heart pounding, and not only because of the Reaper. It wasn't because she was looking to secure the turian help for Earth either. It was because she _wanted_ to see the krogan free from the genophage. It was easy to fall to the propaganda, mostly coming from turians and salarians, but she has seen their other side too. Wrex and Eve were the best example of what krogans _could _be if they weren't forced to barbarism as a reward for winning the Rachni Wars.

_"Commander Shepard?"_ Specialist Traynor's voice over the intercom interrupted her thoughts. _"I have received an urgent call. It's from the dalatrass."_

"Patch her through." Teresa replied, hurrying over to the comm room. Whatever was this about, it couldn't be good. When the dalatrass was here during the summit, the hull rupture Teresa was afraid of before might have been caused by her slamming the dalatrass around with her biotics. Maybe even throwing some tech-induced fire into the mess too. At least, those were the images running in her head as the dalatrass spoke about krogans as if they were objects.

The dalatrass' image shimmered into view through the holoprojector. Teresa took a deep breath, steeling herself to face the annoying dignitary.

_"Commander Shepard. We know you're ready to launch the mission on Tuchanka. By now Mordin Solus must have proposed to use the Shroud to distribute the cu-"_

"Dalatrass. Are you spying on us?" Teresa cut in angrily.

_"Hardly. We know the Shroud is your only option to deliver the cure to every krogan because it's how the genophage was distributed in the first place. STG took precautions to ensure it can't be used to undo the genophage."_ The dalatrass sounded smug and very sure of herself.

"What kind of precautions?" Teresa felt frustrated. Like a Reaper wasn't enough, she had to deal with salarians and their dirty tricks too. She began to wonder if people would _ever_ really understand. They were all about to end up as liquefied genetic material, and yet all they cared about were conflicts centuries old.

_"The cure will be modified just enough so it fails. It will be too subtle for anyone to notice it… unless Solus figures it out and fixes it. If you prevent him from distributing the cure you will have our best scientists at your disposal and also our fleets."_ The dalatrass spoke about this so calmly it was almost creepy.

"So you want me to betray my friend and doom an entire race to extinction? Not going to happen." Teresa's voice was stern. _This is _not _going to happen._

_"Think about it, Commander. All estimates point to another Krogan Rebellions if they are allowed to reproduce unchecked. My offer still stands."_ With that, the dalatrass closed the channel.

"Stick your estimates up your ass, dalatr_ass._" Teresa addressed the empty space where the hologram was a second ago, thinking about what Eve said earlier. She was ready to prove that organics are more than numbers and estimates.

Teresa exited the comm room, activating the ship's intercom as she walked: "Garrus. Liara. You're with me for this one." With Liara and her tossing enemies around with biotics together, or frying them up with techs and Garrus watching their backs, Teresa felt like they could take on Harbinger face to face and come out victorious.

When she exited the elevator in the shuttle bay, her two squadmates - no, _friends _- were already in the armory. Garrus was already in his bulky armor, inspecting the optics on his rifle calmly and professionally. Liara was in the middle of the process of putting her light armor on, but unlike Garrus she gave off slight nervousness. Teresa smiled at her as she passed her by to pick her things up from the locker.

As she was getting into her own suit of armor and checking her weapon, omni-tool and biotic amp, Teresa thought about her relationship with Liara. During their chase after Saren, Liara was… inexperienced. Teresa liked her immediately, taking her as a younger sister. She remembered fondly giving Liara pointers on combat in the back of the vehicle bay, while Ashley and Garrus watched from their stations, snickering under their breaths. Still, it was all good natured, as both of them actually liked their youngest-oldest crewmember. Then, Teresa died. And nothing was the same after she came back, Liara included. Although they weren't as close as they were during their first mission, Liara was still one of the two constants in her life that reminded her that she was _alive._

Finishing with her check, she looked at the _other_ constant. The steady, piercing blue of his gaze would always give her strength she never knew she had. Despite her absence for two years he never questioned her, never doubted her and was always there for her. She thanked the spirits for Garrus.

_Wait. _She caught herself in her thoughts. _Did I just say "thank the spirits"? What's next, Garrus saying "thank god"? Are we going to end up like some sort of turian-human hybrid?_

She shook her head, pulling the train of thought from the weird place it went to. It was just nerves, she decided.

Soon, they were all ready for the mission and boarded the shuttle together with Mordin, Wrex and Eve. Teresa felt the future of Tuchanka was in their hands as it descended through the atmosphere. Knowing it was her duty to warn everyone about the dalatrass' little scheme, she spoke up: "The dalatrass called just before the miss-" The rest of the sentence was cut out as a nearby detonation nearly sent her tumbling down from her seat. What prevented her from falling was Garrus' steady hand, she realized.

"What now?" Wrex asked, irritated. The warning would have to wait, it seems.

_"Wrex? It's Wreav. The Reapers are already at the Hollows."_ It was Wrex's brother, sounding urgent. The Hollows was a sacred meeting place for krogan, and Wrex has ordered all the clans that listened to him to assemble there. If the Reapers were already there, it's not going to be pretty.

"We need to protect the female at all costs. I'm leaving that to you." Wrex turned at Teresa. "I'll go help the other clans."

The shuttle bumped as it touched the ground, indicating their arrival. Wrex opened the hatch and blew away some husks clawing at it with his shotgun, clearing the path for them.

"Orders, Commander?" Garrus asked as the three of them got off the shuttle. She managed to get him and Liara to call her Teresa while on the ship, but when they were on a mission, they insisted on rank and protocol. It was understandable. They were friends, they were in this together, but this was a war, and some military discipline was still required.

"Protecting Eve is our priority. Hit the husks, but watch our six!" Teresa was already moving towards the Hollows as she spoke.

The Hollows was a large circular hall, almost arena-like. It was currently swarming with husks, as they tried to climb the walls to the upper galleries. Garrus was sniping them down off the walls while Liara was pulling them down with biotics, slamming them into the ground. Teresa activated her sentinel armor and ran into the fray, setting the husks on fire with her omni tool, and gunning down the remaining ones with her Mattock.

Their attack was pretty effective and soon The Hollows was cleared. Wrex showed up at the door with Mordin in tow. Predictably, the presence of a salarian caused unrest among the krogan. The worst of all was Wreav. He was a dumbhead, but he had the ability to work the crowd, and managed to turn it against Mordin. Teresa wasn't a coward, but suddenly wished she was somewhere else as a large group of krogan started a chant of growling.

"Enough!" Eve appeared at the door, her voice sharp with command. Unafraid, she walked in the middle of the gathered krogan and continued: "You can stay here and let the old wounds fester like you always have… or you can fight an enemy you were born to destroy and secure the future for our children. I choose to fight. Who's with me?"

Teresa felt the respect she felt for Eve grown even further, even pride that this brave woman is considering her a friend. It felt like a privilege. She moved quickly to stand next to Eve and said: "I am." Wrex joined them and said: "I am too." The tide among the crowd turned, and now they were cheering him and Eve.

"Now hold your head high as true krogan. There's a Reaper outside that needs killing." Wrex commanded and led the krogan out of the Hollows.

Once they were inside the armored truck that was taking them to the Shroud Tower and the Reaper guarding it, Teresa realized it's her last chance to warn everyone about the dalatrass. She began again: "The dalatrass called just before we started the mission. She tried to talk me into sabotaging the genophage cure, offering ships and scientists if I do it. Something about STG modifying the tower so the cure won't be dispersed properly without anyone noticing, and me not telling Mordin about it."

"Familiar with STG procedures. Can correct. Didn't come this far for nothing." Mordin chimed in, unworried.

"You just spared our race another genocide, Teresa." Eve said, with relief obvious in her voice.

"I told you we could trust her." Wrex's reptilian eyes met hers and she could see gratefulness in them.

As they spoke Garrus, who was sitting next to Teresa, froze. When she turned to look at him he averted his eyes, trying to hide it with a cough. This didn't happen ever since she suggested the "tiebreaker" for the first time and he was embarrassed for days afterwards. However, he didn't voice his thoughts, so she was left in the dark on whatever was in his head.

Teresa forced herself to focus on the mission and the Reaper. The really tough part was yet to come.

* * *

Garrus followed Teresa's lead and her bobbing flashlight in the darkness around them. Since nothing in their missions ever goes easy, they were forced to find another route to the Tower, on foot. The Reapers took out the road, delaying their ground attack, forcing the turian air support to retreat. He watched several of the aircrafts get blown up before they retreated and couldn't help but ask himself: _Was it worth it?_

His thoughts were conflicted. The "true turian" in him had awoken upon hearing the dalatrass' proposal, telling him that it wasn't such a bad idea. They would get what they want, and the krogan would remain harmless. He always saw them as unstable, dangerous. That's why the genophage was created in the first place. Then he would look at Wrex and Eve and hear them talking. They weren't what you'd expect from a krogan at all. Then he would remember Wreav and _his _talking, who was very much a krogan. Then he would look around the ruined underground city they were currently passing through, and couldn't help but notice _art_ on the walls. Krogans had art. He didn't even consider it a possibility until now.

The _real _question that was plaguing him right now was should he mention any of his internal conflict to Teresa. He even opened his mouth several times, but the words just wouldn't come through. One of the defining traits of his commander and _girlfriend _was that she couldn't be swayed once she was determined to do something. And she _was _determined to see this through. He could argue, but he knew she wouldn't budge. She would pull rank if necessary, he would fall in line, and that would be the end of it. He couldn't disobey her. He just… couldn't.

Another tremor interrupted him in his thoughts. According to Eve and Wrex, that was Kalros, "the mother of all thresher maws". Like they didn't have enough problems but to worry if they were going to be eaten by a giant worm. They even found another wall painting, probably depicting Kalros. He made a funny remark about it, trying to keep the illusion like things were as usual, although they were anything but.

Soon they exited the underground ruins. It was a relief to see sunlight again. But the sunlight wasn't the only thing they saw. There was a river passing through the ruins of the city, and on its banks there were _plants._ According to scientists, all plants on Tuchanka were extinct. That was obviously no longer the case. Teresa mentioned this to Eve over the comm, and Eve replied: "_What you see is hope for Tuchanka_." Did anyone really have the right to take them away that hope?

Looking further into the ruined city, Garrus saw statues, buildings, walkways. Those were remains of a _culture. _A culture that had destroyed itself, yes, but it was prevented from rebuilding by _them._ _We didn't do it, _the little "true turian" inside him argued, _the salarians did._ This time, Garrus wouldn't agree. He had begun to see things in a different light. Maybe it was the salarians who created the genophage, but they did it on _their _request.

A fiery impact directly in front of them shook Garrus from his reverie. Around them, things never remained quiet.

"Reapers! Incoming!" Liara screamed.

He quickly scanned the surrounding, looking for the best sniping position. Moving quickly, he took it and unfolded his rifle. Liara thankfully remained in cover, careful not to reveal herself too much, and caused havoc among the Reapers with her biotics, but Teresa… Teresa was driving him crazy. He knew her fighting style well by now, but couldn't help but worry, especially since they were together. She would just _run in the middle of the battlefield_, tossing the Reapers around with biotics and frying them with techs. And gun some down with the assault rifle. He covered her as best as he could, but by the spirits, why couldn't she fight from cover like him? That fancy glowing armor of hers didn't make her invincible.

Soon they took out all the Reapers in the area and continued on, pushing deeper into the city. The enemies kept dropping from the sky, keeping them busy. Garrus just kept pushing on, letting the combat instincts he honed for years take over and carry him from one battle to another. He was almost grateful for the intense firefights because they shut up his internal conflict. He _hated _being conflicted.

They managed to push through the ruins completely and find some open ground for Wrex to pick them up. It wasn't a moment too soon, because Kalros appeared. It went after Wreav's truck, wrapping itself around it and pulling it down. Their truck escaped unharmed.

"What about Wreav?" Eve asked when they truck was already in motion.

"There's no way he survived that. He was a pain in the ass anyway." Wrex replied, and for once, Garrus agreed with him.

They arrived as close as they could to the tower. As he exited the truck, Garrus' eyes were glued to the towering Reaper above them. They pulled off some crazy stunts in their days, but this… this looked like it was out of their league.

Eve spoke up: "I've had an idea about dealing with the Reaper." Everyone turned to look at her. "We'll summon Kalros to it."

"What makes you so sure she'll come?" Shepard asked. "And how do we do that anyway?"

"The area around the tower was an arena built in Kalros' glory. On the each side there are two giant maw hammers. Activate them, and she'll come. This is as much her home as ours." Garrus almost couldn't believe what he heard. It was… _completely _crazy.

"If Tuchanka has a temper, Kalros is it. She'll come to defend her home." Wrex added.

"We have to try something. If there's no other way… we'll do it." She agreed. Teresa actually agreed.

"With respect, Commander, we've beaten the odds in our time, but this is… crazy." Garrus spoke up before he could stop himself. Liara nodded, agreeing with him.

"I _know._" Teresa replied. "But I see no alternative. Also, crazy plans seem to work for us."

"And going head to head with Sovereign wasn't crazy? Don't disappoint me, Garrus, I thought turians were fearless." Wrex's answer was coated in sarcasm.

Garrus lowered his head: "I just hope I'll live to tell about it someday. It will be one hell of a story."

"Meanwhile, laboratory nearby. Finish synthesizing cure while you're busy." Mordin piped up, completely calm, like he's sure they'll make it.

"We know what to do. See you on the other side." Teresa was about to leave when Wrex stopped her.

"Wait. I want you to know that whatever happens you've been a true ally to krogan, a friend of Clan Urdnot, and a sister to me. From this day forward among krogan the word 'Shepard' will mean 'hero.'" Wrex and Teresa shook hands.

As he watched them, Garrus was filled with feelings he couldn't identify. He was, however, positive they were good. Even with Reapers present in full force and death at their doorstep, everyone seemed to be more interested in rubbing salt in old wounds rather than healing them and working together. What was happening here was a quite literal healing with the added bonus of overcoming old stereotypes.

Teresa was still focused on Wrex, so Garrus allowed himself to look at her with awe. It was her magic power, and the reason they haven't been liquefied yet: she could convince people that her reasons were good, not just order them and make them fall in line. He was now with her one hundred percent.

It was almost unbelievable, he thought suddenly, that this woman, this _hero_ loved him. It felt like one hell of a privilege.

All the words were said. It was now time for action.

Their path to the Reaper brought them to an old bridge. A very exposed bridge.

"By the goddess! To our left!" Liara gasped. Garrus' head whipped to the side, and he faced a Reaper from this distance for the first time in his life. Something cold ran down his spine. Suddenly, all he saw was a red flash, and the bridge beneath him crumbled. He landed hard, with pain shooting through his left leg. Rolling down what seemed like a small hill, unable to stop, he bumped into something soft - Teresa, he realized. They ended up rolling down the hill together, stopping at the bottom, entangled, with him on top of her.

He was unable to move for a moment, being dazed from the fall and still feeling pain in his leg. Under him, he heard Teresa grunt: "Urgh. Garrus. Move. Heavy." He rolled off her, and slowly climbed on his feet.

Liara seemed to be unharmed, as she was already on her feet, shaking head as she looked at the two of them. "Tsk. Even when a Reaper shoots at you, you two think only about _that._"

"Stow it, T'Son- urgh!" Garrus grunted as he leaned his full weight on the injured leg. "Fuck!" He spat out.

Teresa was already on her feet. Hearing him grunt and swear, she rushed over to him. "You all right, Garrus?"

He tried taking a few steps. It hurt, but he was able to walk, with a limp. "Think so. The painkillers will kick in soon, I hope." The medical system of his armor had already activated, and he could feel the first effect of the drug it administered coursing through him.

Her hand touched his shoulder for a moment. "Move out!" She commanded and ran forward.

Despite his best efforts, and the meds in his system, he wasn't able to run properly. He could barely keep up with Teresa and Liara, and they weren't running at their full speed. How _the fuck _was he supposed to do the mad dash to the tower that was expected of them? What will they do now?

They reached the area with the hammers. The Reaper was sweeping it with its giant laser, the same one that shot them. Teresa stopped out of the range of the beam and took cover behind a downed pillar. He and Liara did the same.

"Garrus, go back to the truck. You can't run, I saw it." Her voice sounded dead serious.

"You can't do this without me." He tried to argue.

"I can and I will. I'll run fast, hit both hammers and be done with it."

"No. Way." She couldn't, _couldn't _be serious.

"If you go, you're going to get yourself killed. And I won't be able to take that. Liara, stay with him. Hold his hand if you have to, but don't let him come after me. That's an order."

"Y-yes, Commander." Liara stammered. In a moment, Garrus did the same. You _couldn't_ disobey Commander Shepard.

Teresa ran off, straight towards the Reaper.

As he and Liara moved back to the truck, minutes seemed to last like hours. When they've reached it, he whispered, almost to himself: "I shouldn't have let her go…"

Liara touched his hand. "She'll be alright. I'm sure." Her voice didn't sound convinced at all.

"You don't _have_ to hold my hand, Liara. I'm not going to run of-" A deafening sound drowned out his words.

The first hammer was activated.

Some more minutes-like-hours passed.

The second hammer was activated.

And then they saw… the impossible. Kalros appeared and waged an epic battle with the Reaper. It managed to slam her into the tower, but Kalros recovered and attacked the Reaper again. This time, she succeeded, not only distracting it, but actually killing it. She wrapped herself around the Reaper, burrowing them both under the ground.

When it was over, Garrus just stared, gaping. Glancing at Liara, he noticed she was doing the same. This will be another story no one will believe.

As they stared at the tower, they saw something disperse from the top, followed by an explosion. Garrus winced. _No. She wasn't there. She wasn't._ He clenched his fists, feeling so frustrated and helpless.

"Look, the whole tower looks like it's going to come apart." Liara said so quietly she was almost whispering. Garrus had to admit it looked that way.

Closing his eyes, he muttered: "Spirits… please… protect her and bring her back to me."

Even more minutes-like-hours passed.

Wrex and Eve joined them, but just stared at the sky silently. Whatever was dispersed earlier began to fall from the sky like snow. Garrus never liked snow, but this looked… beautiful to him.

In the next moment, his eyes were graced by the most beautiful sight of all: Teresa returned unharmed. He breathed a sigh of relief, unclenching his fists, and held her in his arms for a moment when she approached.

"Mordin?" It was Liara.

Teresa shook her head. "He had to go to the top of the tower to counter the sabotage. He was still there when it exploded."

"Such a pity." Eve voiced what they all felt.

"_Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."_ Teresa quoted his final words, visibly shaken.

They all climbed into the truck and drove away. As they left, they heard the rumble of the collapsed tower behind them.

* * *

Teresa took the tray and filled it with food. As usual, one side had levo-amino based food on it, the other one dextro-amino. It was usually Garrus who would bring dinner for both of them, but he was hurt and Dr. Chakwas _ordered_ him to rest his fractured leg for at least a day, so she was doing it. Besides, he helped her _so much_ with his unending support that he deserved a little pampering, injury or not.

Finished, she carried the tray to _their _cabin. Garrus was resting on _their _bed, but he got up as she entered. He dismissed her protests with a wave of his hand and took a seat on the couch under the glass display, _their_ usual place for dinner.

"The doc fixed me. I'm not _that _hurt. I can eat while seated." His voice sounded very tired.

Teresa set the tray on the table, and they both began eating.

"One hell of a day, huh?" She said, knowing well it was an understatement.

"You could say so. We cured the genophage." The words still sounded strange when heard, like her mind couldn't quite grasp what they did.

"With a little help from Bakara and Wrex. And Mordin." Teresa felt tears prickling her eyes at the mention of the _true_ hero of the day.

"Bakara?" Garrus asked, confused.

"Eve. That's her real name. Now that her people are cured, she's allowed to use it again. I'm going to miss our talks, now that she's not on the ship anymore." Teresa explained.

"I see." There was more to Garrus' voice than just weariness, some uncertainty she couldn't quite identify.

He was silent for a while and then he spoke, avoiding her eyes. "You know… if it was me… I'd take the dalatrass' offer."

"But?" Teresa asked simply, glad that he trusted her enough to share it. Also, she felt there was more to it.

"But… I realized today that the krogan were wronged before. They had a future and we took it away. I also realized that the rest of the galaxy is still almost _enjoying_ their old wounds, while you go around and cure them. Without you we would have been harvested a long time ago." He was looking her in the eyes now.

Teresa resorted to their usual humor. "Yeah, I heard turians love to give the newcomers to the galactic scene special greetings. Some get viruses, some get orbital sieges."

Garrus froze, his fork stuck halfway between his mouth and the plate.

_You idiot! This is not the time for humor! Get that foot out of your mouth, now! _Teresa yelled at herself inwardly. Out loud she said: "I'm sorry, Garrus, I didn't mea-"

"No. Don't be." He interrupted her, dead serious. "The Relay 314 Incident and what followed it was a mistake. It was a bad decision on the part of the Hierarchy, just like it was with krogans." He dropped the fork into the plate, continuing: "It's just that a turian in his right mind would never say anything against the Hierarchy." He decided to ignore where his last statement put him. "Many turians actually respect humans, and you. Some still love the old wounds, but I say their problem. Some know they should thank the heavens for you, a human, at the helm of this war."

Teresa felt her cheeks blush at the praise she just received. It was not a common occurrence to get a turian talk like that. "I… What you said… means a lot to me…" It was also not a common occurrence for her to be at a loss for words.

A moment later she blinked, realizing something. "Garrus. Did you just say _'thank the heavens'_?"

"I did. Huh. I guess we're becoming closer. But don't mention it to other turians." Garrus sounded amused again. With the two of them, amusement was in abundance.

"I caught myself thinking 'thank the spirits' today. Don't mention it to other humans." She mimicked his tone.

"I'm going to turn you in a real turian one of these days. _Heaven_ knows you'd be a better one than me." Garrus was now teasing on purpose.

"If it works both ways, you'll become a human. I doubt the _spirits_ would approve that." Teresa laughed as she spoke, and Garrus joined her. Somehow, everything was right when they laughed.

Teresa realized that Bakara was right: As long as it worked for the two of them, it didn't matter _how _it happened.


	6. Loss

Chapter 6: Loss

It was supposed to be a simple trip to the Citadel. Teresa was, of course, aware that nothing in her life ever goes easy, but she could have never ever anticipated _this_. That bastard of a councilor, Udina, was finally caught with his hand in the proverbial cookie jar, and she was supposed to meet with the salarian councilor to discuss the necessary measures to remove him. It _sounded_ simple. Get on the Citadel. Talk to some officials. Do some shopping. Leave. Resume saving galaxy. The usual. The only thing that was unusual was Garrus promising her a date if there's time. An honest-to-goodness date. She couldn't remember when was the last time she was taken on one.

Instead, all hell broke loose.

Cerberus troops attempted to take over the Citadel, with Udina's blessing. Before she knew it, she was fighting them, trying to save that good-for-nothing Council, with Garrus and Liara in tow (who else). Yes, the councilors were a pain in the ass, but if there was any chance of preventing the known races from tearing each other apart instead of fighting the Reapers they had to be saved.

Things got a little complicated along the way.

The salarian councilor nearly died to a Cerberus assassin, a heavily cyber-improved man named Kai Leng. The one who saved the day was Thane, of all people. Despite his condition, Thane prevented Leng from killing the councilor, but earned a nasty injury in the process. Leng escaped, unfortunately, and Teresa had a bad feeling that he was going to cause trouble in the future.

Seeing Thane getting badly hurt would have been enough for one day, as they became close friends during the Collector mission, but soon it got even worse.

A situation worse than any nightmare she ever had was playing right in front of her eyes. Kaidan was in the sights of her gun, blocking her shot aimed at the traitor Udina who was trying to lead the turian and asari councilors straight into Cerberus' hands.

_Kaidan. Trust me just once. I don't want to shoot you._

Udina was spinning lies like a politician he is, blaming her for working with Cerberus and organizing this, and Kaidan seemed inclined to believe him.

_I'm not with Cerberus anymore. I have nothing to do with this. Trust me, please._

He wouldn't. He wouldn't trust her. He wouldn't stand down, and time was running out. Udina had almost opened the elevator which would take the councilors to certain doom. She didn't want to- No. She couldn't shoot him. For the first time in her life, Teresa found herself unable to pull the trigger. Looking in the eyes of a man whom she once loved, she was unable to take the shot.

It was Garrus who took it. Garrus shot Kaidan dead.

When she heard the familiar crack of Garrus' rifle, her mind went blank. She couldn't honestly tell how she felt or what she thought. Reacting purely on instinct she shot Udina before he was done with the console. Any other time she would feel triumph that she _finally _killed the bastard, but right now she was… empty. Commander Bailey appeared with the salarian councilor and they explained that indeed it was Udina who was the traitor and not her. It was over. Mission accomplished. The Council was saved.

_The _worst part of this mission from hell was yet to come, however.

Cortez came to pick them up. She was still feeling blank in her mind and empty on the inside as they traveled back to the _Normandy_. She must have looked like crap, because Garrus reached for her to touch her, obviously intending to comfort her. In her weird emotional state, she reacted involuntarily, and moved away from his touch. His hand pulled away in shock, and he lowered his head, burying his face into his hands. Before his eyes disappeared from view, they were unusually unreadable. As he sat like that, she heard him make a strange sound, with something sounding like a whimper in his secondary voice.

What _exactly_ happened on the shuttle, she wasn't sure, but it felt horribly wrong. When they returned to the _Normandy_, they couldn't look at each other. Garrus, not bothering to take off his armor, headed straight to the main battery. Teresa went to her cabin where she spent a long, sleepless, _lonely_ night, with the "mission from hell" repeating itself in her mind like a vid.

This was probably the millionth time she saw it since yesterday.

When the day cycle came, she determined two things. One, there was a _reason_ why she wasn't taken on a date in ages, and that was the "no relationship" rule. Two, the reason why the rule existed was exactly what happened yesterday: her emotions got in the way of duty. The "no relationships" rule was self-imposed, and she held to it strictly… until Kaidan and Garrus came along. With so much she could lose, having someone to hold you seemed logical. What's the point of fighting to save the galaxy if there's nothing (or no one) to come back to?

After what happened yesterday, she started to see things in a different light. If she couldn't shoot Kaidan, who dumped and hurt her, just because she felt for him once, what would happen if it was Garrus at stake? In her mind, she could almost see the scene where the Illusive Man captures Garrus, puts a gun to his head and says: "Do it, or he dies." She had a terrible feeling it would end up with her doing "it", whatever it is.

The rational part of her, one who was always guiding her to play by the rules and do the right thing, was imploring her to remove the possibility of "it" ever happening. It was her inner guidance, the little voice inside her that she always listened to. The problem was, what it demanded of her now seemed impossible to do: to break up with Garrus. The irrational part of her, one guided by mostly by emotions, wouldn't shut up. All of her memories with Garrus would come back to her, all of the affection, passion, support, warmth… love, to put it in one word. For the first time in her life, she _really_ _loved _someone, and the thought of losing that love hurt.

This conflict was killing her ever since Kaidan fell to the floor yesterday. It made her act strange on the shuttle, and Garrus' reaction wasn't _too_ strange, all things considered. He was probably shocked by her rejection, and was in the battery now running worst case scenarios in his head. Expecting the worst was typical of him. Only this time, the worst _would _probably happen if she only finds enough courage to do it.

She didn't doubt his feelings for her, and didn't judge what he did to Kaidan. He was doing _her_ damn job, and she should be thankful, but instead she intended to dump him. Suddenly, she had to fight the urge to smack her head against the wall, or go to the lounge and drink herself to oblivion.

The fact was that she _missed _him. His funny remarks, his plates against her skin, his scars, his mandibles flexing at her, his eyes. And it's been barely a day that they've been separated.

Her terminal beeped and started blinking a green light, indicating a new message. She dragged herself over to it, and opened it, thankful for the momentary distraction. In the next second, she wished she didn't. It was from the hospital where Thane was put in after his injury. He was supposed to undergo a surgery and it didn't go well. In fact, the message stated that he was dying and wanted to see her.

Teresa stood up from the terminal and went to her bathroom to wash her face. The cold water running down her face helped her find some composure. If Thane was on his deathbed and requested to see her, she'll be there. Her sense of duty demanded it.

_Normandy_ was still docked with the Citadel. She gave the crew a shore leave until she gets to terms with herself, so the ship was mercifully empty as she headed towards the airlock.

She took a cab once on the Citadel, and arrived at Huerta Memorial quickly. That place was _really_ upsetting her now. She lost Kaidan and Garrus, will probably lose Thane soon, _and_ she had to go through that goddamn hall again. If she bumped into Dr. Michel, she couldn't guarantee the doctor's safety.

Luckily, there was no one to bump into as she entered the inpatient wing and found Thane's room. His son, Kolyat, was already in there, and they exchanged greetings.

Thane seemed to be resting, or sleeping, but upon hearing her voice, he stirred and opened his eyes.

"Shepard." His voice was weak, and even that single word seemed to have come out strained, with effort.

"Thane." She moved close to his bed. Seeing him like this hurt, but she was good at steeling herself for such situations. She was always strong for everyone when they needed her. "The Council sends regards. They consider you their hero."

"That assassin should be ashamed of himself. Stopped from reaching his target by a terminally ill drell." Thane was barely finishing sentences from the lack of breath. His initial disease was making his blood run low on oxygen, and with the blood loss he suffered from the wound it was making him very weak. Too weak to recover.

"That was a very brave thing you did." Teresa spoke gently, trying to make his final moments as enjoyable as possible, although the sound of his voice made her throat tighten.

"I had to. I have many sins to atone for, and I'm trying to do something good before I l-" His words were cut out by a coughing fit.

"Father! Stop talking!" There was desperation in Kolyat's voice.

"It will only get worse, and I must still do something before it does." Thane took a deep breath, seemingly gathering strength, and then began praying: "Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand-" He broke down in another coughing fit, much worse than the previous one.

Kolyat finished the prayer for him: "Kalahira, wash the sins of this one and send him on the distant shore of the infinite spirit."

Thane recovered enough to speak again: "Kolyat, you speak as the priests do. You've been spending much time with them."

Kolyat nodded and took a book that was lying next to Thane's bed. "I brought a prayer book. Commander, would you care to join me?"

Teresa nodded, finding herself at a loss for words. She looked into the book over Kolyat's shoulder as he began reading: "Kalahira, this one's heart is pure but beset by wickedness and contention." He stopped.

Teresa took over, feeling like someone is gripping her throat: "Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve. Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you as she was to me."

As she was speaking the last verse, Thane closed his eyes and breathed his last.

"Goodbye, Thane." Teresa whispered, finding herself dangerously close to tears. Ever since Mindoir she never cried (another of those self-imposed rules), and somehow managed not to do it now.

She somehow got the words out of her mouth: "Kolyat, why did the last verse say 'she'?"

Kolyat replied: "The prayer was not for him, Commander. He already asked forgiveness for the lives he has taken. His wish was for you."

_"Where lover never leaves."_ That line echoed in her mind, tugging at her chest, seriously testing her decision not to cry. _How_ did he know, or was this just some impossible coincidence?

Silent, with a heavy load on her chest, she left the hospital and returned to the ship. The empty cabin waiting for her didn't help to improve her mood at all.

_"Where lover never leaves."_

The cabin looked so empty without Garrus, and almost double the size. She was used to seeing him here every time she gets back, and the emptiness was _painful_. It looked exactly as she had left it before going to the hospital, with Garrus' clothes and other belongings scattered all over it. She couldn't tell if it was a good or bad sign. It was good that he didn't take his stuff and left for good, but it was also bad that he didn't come here at all since yesterday.

All the feelings of loss, sadness, guilt and grief finally got to Teresa. She broke the "no crying" rule, and fell over the bed letting it loose. She cried for Ashley, Mordin, Kaidan, Thane, Garrus and everyone else she had lost ever since she took it upon herself to save the galaxy.

Suddenly, she slammed her fist against the bed. _No, _she said. _I _didn't_ lose Garrus. He's alive and well down in that battery, and if he's willing to forgive me for a day of weakness, I _will_ get him back. And no, I won't wait until I die to be reunited with him, like that prayer said._

For the first time in a long while, Teresa decided to do something that _she _wanted, and not what was expected of her. It was irrational, overly emotional, without much care for consequences and basically was against everything that little voice inside her head kept telling her. _I'm a human being_, she thought, _I have the right to feel. If I'm depriving myself of emotions to win this, then I might as well be a husk._

She wiped the tears off her face and headed to the crew deck. Liara didn't leave the ship, and was in the mess hall, staring at one of her datapads. Teresa decided to ignore her. This wasn't something she would want to talk about. Maybe if Bakara was still here, she would, but not with Liara. For some reason, she couldn't tell Liara everything like she could with Bakara.

She took a deep breath before entering the battery, but Garrus wasn't there. She was surprised, and wondered if he left the ship and is now getting drunk in one of the Citadel's bars. Luckily, EDI was here to help her.

"EDI, where's Garrus?" Teresa addressed the AI.

"Mr. Vakarian is in the starboard observation room." EDI kept her answer mercifully simple. What she _really_ didn't need now were her smartass comments.

It was a weird place for him to be - she'd expect to find him in the bar or down in the shuttle bay, but EDI didn't have a reason to lie. She shrugged and walked towards the observation room.

* * *

Garrus was sitting on the couch in the starboard observation. Next to the couch was a messy pile of discarded armor parts. He took the armor off yesterday when he tried to get some sleep (without much success), and just left it there.

He _tried _to do some calibrations right after they returned from the mission, but he couldn't focus enough. After several hours of messing with the systems, all he did was to increase the reaction time for the firing algorithms. Luckily, he managed to restore previous settings, then called it a night and retired here, trying to get some sleep. Instead, he spent all night remembering his relationship with Teresa.

The first time he realized his feelings were greater than friendship was right after Horizon. He was there and saw how Kaidan was treating her. When they returned, she didn't do her usual rounds around the ship, debriefing everyone, but instead retired to her cabin with a strange expression on her face that he now recognized as "hurt feelings". Back then, he wasn't good at all with human facial expressions, but he somehow knew she was hurt. He was pacing up and down the battery, struggling with a desire to go up there and comfort her. In his mind, he could see the scene, and his hug wasn't a friendly, comforting one, but a passionate, crushing one. He got carried away even more, trying to imagine how she would look like if she had no clothes on.

His own thoughts shocked him, but there was no going back. That night he became aware of his feelings, although his admiration started much earlier. Probably during the Saren chase.

Then she stopped him from killing Sidonis, becoming his guardian spirit who prevented him from drowning in self pity and guilt. She came to talk after the mission, and he found himself blabbering about him being an excellent hand-to-hand fighter, and - spirits help him - his sexual adventures. Looking back, he realized that he was trying to impress her, although in an entirely _wrong_ way from what he knew of human women today.

Still, somehow it worked. She suggested a "tiebreaker". He was embarrassed at first, but she helped him deal with it. Then they were separated, and reunited by Reapers, and with all the chaos around them they seemed to find some happiness.

Throughout all this time, though, he wanted to punch Kaidan - without gloves, talons sharp - for what he did to her. The urge grew even more after she confided what happened during the hospital talk. Kaidan dumped her on Horizon, and then accused her of cheating in the hospital. He just couldn't get that man.

Punching didn't mean "shoot him dead", though, and that's what happened yesterday. After seeing her reaction on the shuttle, he suddenly thought that the Kaidan issue wasn't resolved as well as he had hoped. He wasn't sure _what_ happened, but she had shut him out. That much was obvious.

He understood that it was very difficult for her to kill Kaidan, so he took the responsibility and pulled the trigger. Maybe, _maybe,_ he felt a _tiny bit_ more satisfaction than he should when he did it. She was excellent at reading his thoughts and emotions, and he was afraid that she somehow saw through him and found about that tiny bit.

He didn't want her to think of him that he killed Kaidan because he _wanted _to, because he really didn't. That tiny bit of satisfaction he was unable to control, but it wasn't the reason why he did it. Kaidan was about to give Cerberus control over the Citadel, no matter that he wasn't aware of it. He _had_ to be stopped.

If there was another reason she rejected him that he wasn't aware of, it didn't matter. It stung, and he responded quite irrationally, by shutting into himself and being afraid to ask what really happened. He was really _useless_ when it came to relationships.

Now he was here, in the observation room, staring into the empty space, but really seeing only images from the past and the yesterday's mission. He _considered_ getting drunk in the bar, but he hated hangovers, and with the amount of alcohol he needed to forget about this, he'd have one from hell.

Not really knowing what to do, and struck with a vague feeling that he lost her, he sighed and buried his face in his hands, like he did on the shuttle.

He didn't know for how long he remained like that, when he heard the door hiss open. He recognized the footsteps, as the person entered the room, and the scent. He knew that scent _very_ well. Even now, it was making him aroused.

"Garrus." Teresa called out. Her voice was unusually strained, unlike ever he heard before.

He didn't move at first, steeling himself for the worst.

"Garrus, look at me." Her voice took the commanding tone, despite that strange sound to it, and he raised his head.

What he saw shocked him. There were tears running down her face. Turians were physically incapable of crying, but he knew what it meant for humans. He never ever saw her doing it before.

He just stared, in silence.

"I love you." Teresa said. For all their closeness and passion they experienced, none of them ever said those words. Garrus' shock got even greater.

He found himself rising from the couch and gathered her in his arms in that crushing embrace he wanted to do after Horizon. For a fleeting moment he was afraid of another rejection, but she leaned against him to get even closer than he thought possible.

"I love you too." Garrus finally managed to get it out of his mouth.

"I must apologize." Her voice wasn't so broken and strained as before.

"What for?" His voice, however, got that whimpering sound in his secondary voice again.

"For being weak. For not being able to pull the trigger and putting you into that situation. And for even considering choosing between you and my duty."

Garrus felt a pang of guilt. _He_ took it upon himself to help her during her moments of weakness, so she can be _Commander Shepard_ for everyone else, and screwed it up. He left her alone overnight to deal with the conflict she now admitted, and he wasn't there for her. He swore that he'll never allow his self pity to take over again, but go and ask what's wrong instead.

He kissed her, passionately, his tongue forcing its way inside her mouth. She was surprised for a moment, but then relaxed into the kiss and responded with equal passion. The kiss was intense, and he didn't know how long they were locked in it, but to him it seemed like forever.

When he finally pulled away, he still kept her very close. His undamaged mandible caressed her cheek.

"I thought I lost you." Garrus whispered, the strange sound in his secondary voice almost taking over completely.

He would never tell her, but that sound was the equivalent of her tears.

* * *

AN: This chapter is full of doom, gloom, grief and other bad emotions, but I promise the next one will be romantic and sweet. At least Garrus said the Big L-word. Too bad that he didn't in the game.

Also, can you tell that I didn't like how they portrayed Kaidan in ME2 and 3 (ahem)?


	7. Operation Citadel

AN: This week and the next one are going to be crazy, so updates will be sporadic.

As always, your comments, favorites and alerts are appreciated!

* * *

Chapter 7: Operation Citadel

Teresa paced up and down her cabin. The date Garrus promised her would still take place, after all. The _situation_ following Kaidan's death did at least one good thing: once they were over it, it actually improved their bond. The night after the reconciliation was spent confiding their innermost secrets: Teresa admitting her fears of becoming nothing more than a synthetic programmed to do good and save the galaxy, Garrus sharing the grief he felt after losing his mother and his fear of losing the remaining family who were, for all he knew, still on Palaven. So they decided to forget about their problems for a day, and go on a date like normal persons would, just spending some time with someone you love. And, since calling it "a date" last time ended badly, they dubbed it "Operation Citadel".

When "planning" the "operation", they agreed on not bringing guns and armor. Teresa wanted to look pretty for Garrus, so she ordered a dress from an extranet catalogue, along with shoes, jewelry and a purse. It was almost sad, she thought, that she couldn't find anything like that among her belongings. Now she was waiting for the delivery. She didn't know what made her more nervous, wearing heels or a dress.

Garrus left a while ago, saying he "needs to do something on the Citadel". He kept very mysterious about it, so she just shrugged and let him go, fully trusting he'd show up in the _Normandy_'s docking bay at the agreed time.

The door to the cabin opened, and Liara walked through, carrying several boxes in her hands. She dropped them on Teresa's bed and said: "Your _delivery_." Her voice sounded… displeased.

"Spying on my extranet traffic again, are we?" Teresa asked, wondering what was up with Liara.

Liara ignored the question. "You're going on a date with Garrus." It was a statement, not a question, still sounding displeased.

"And that's bad because…?"

"Because we're still in the Citadel space, and we could have been halfway to the Far Rim already. Your argument with him already caused some delay, and now this." Liara frowned as she spoke.

Teresa sighed inwardly. It would seem that she's not the only one obsessing over the war, and forgetting how to live. It didn't occur to her until now that Liara might have had an even worse time remembering her true self under the weight of being the Shadow Broker.

"The quarians can wait a bit. I want to wear nice clothes for Garrus and spend some time with him, preferably somewhere safe and quiet. I started to feel like I'm a machine programmed to run from place to place and save people. Is it that bad that I want to live a life for a few hours?" Teresa smiled for a moment, then continued: "You could get out as well, do something fun. It won't hurt you."

"I… uh, I… I'm sorry." Liara stammered, casting her eyes downward, trying to hide shame. Teresa was too good at reading her to not to notice. "You're right, as usual. Sometimes I think I'll burn out from all the pressure."

"That's why you need to get out sometimes. No datapads. No omni-tool. No communicator. You have the opportunity now, while we're on the date." Teresa wanted to help her friend, and hoped she'd take her advice.

"I… might do that." Liara found courage to look in Teresa's eyes again. "I'm sorry, again. I should leave you to get ready in peace."

Teresa stopped her. "Wait. It's been _years_ since I've worn fancy clothes. I want your opinion before I present myself to Garrus."

"If you're sure. I'm not an expert on fancy clothes either."

"I'm sure. Just wait for a moment until I put it on." Teresa grabbed all the boxes, and disappeared into her bathroom.

It took her more time than she expected - she had more experience putting armor on than dresses. The dress was blue (her favorite color for civilian clothes) and it reached just below her knees. Despite not being revealing except for the most prudish standards, it made her chest and back feel unusually exposed. Then she did the makeup, a little more dramatic than what she did every day, put the jewelry on, the shoes, and hung a purse on her shoulder. Finally, she let her ponytail down, combing her hair to just flow freely. It's been ages since she did that. When she was done, it looked like there was another person watching her from the mirror.

Liara was sitting on the bed when she exited the bathroom. She looked at Teresa with surprise and admiration. "It's good, really good. Garrus won't be able to take his eyes off you."

"Just his eyes?" Teresa teased as she turned around slowly, letting Liara look at her from all angles.

"Uh… Teresa… You have _claw marks_ on your back. And… are those _bite marks_ on your neck?" Liara said uncomfortably as Teresa turned her back on her.

"Yes, the last time I looked Garrus had claws. And pointy, sharp teeth." Teresa kept the teasing tone, turning to look back at Liara.

"Can't he use gloves or something? And… restrain himself from biting you?" Liara's tone was unusually curious.

"He tried the gloves once, after leaving some really nasty marks. It just wasn't the same. Neither of us liked it, so he dropped it next time. And the biting thing is pretty hard for turians to control."

Liara shook her head: "It's hard to imagine you two having sex."

"Ah-ha!" Teresa exclaimed in a mocking triumph. "So _that's_ how Dr. T'Soni spends her free time!"

Liara looked shocked: "I do not! I was just saying…"

"Breathe, Liara." Teresa smiled. Liara didn't take jokes as well as Garrus, and in some way it made teasing her even more enjoyable. "If you think my back and neck look bad, you should see my inner thighs. All those plates…"

"Too. Much. Information." Liara got flustered.

"You asked for it." Teresa outright giggled as she spoke. "But I'll stop, because it's time to leave. I don't want to be late."

They exited the cabin together. Liara went back to her room and Teresa went through the airlock and out of the ship.

Garrus was waiting at the agreed place, near the elevator leading out of the docking bay. The clothes he wore made him look quite different, even though he dropped armor for more casual attire when on the ship lately. This was more in the realm of "fancy", and like her, he didn't seem used to wearing it. The clothes were almost completely black, except for some gold decorations, but it looked good on him, simple yet elegant. Teresa had to admit he looked _more_ than good.

"Hi…" She called out as she approached, suddenly being self-conscious of wearing a dress and being slightly wobbly on her heels.

"…Hey." It took him a moment to reply. He looked absolutely stunned, and yet very serious, so Teresa wasn't entirely sure it was in a good way. Maybe he was seeing her getup as ridiculous and would prefer her wearing armor after all?

"You look good." Teresa decided to break the ice. "Nice color choice. I thought most turians were colorblind from the way their attire looks."

Garrus was still looking serious. Finally he spoke: "I'm glad I got the chance to see you like this. Now I know what will be the last thing I see when I die."

Teresa swallowed hard. Her attempt at humor suddenly fell flat. "I'm flattered… Thanks…" She felt Garrus was suddenly becoming better with words than her. "You look more than good, it's just that I feel very awkward giving out compliments."

"Spirits! Commander Teresa Shepard is at a loss for words! This should be recorded in the annals of history!" His mandibles twitched amusingly.

It wasn't just a feeling, he _was_ getting better with words, as he pulled the conversation from the dark realms of _dying _almost effortlessly. Teresa found herself grinning at him: "It should also be recorded that she's going on a date, and with a turian if you can imagine."

"It's not a date, it's an operation. Remember what happened when we planned a date?" Garrus scoffed dramatically.

"Fine. An operation, then. And let's get it started, if we plan to go through with it." Teresa smiled sweetly.

For the first time she noticed he was carrying a piece of paper in his hands. Garrus noticed what she was looking at and said: "It's a little something I made for you. Remember when I told you I always wanted to learn how to paint?"

Teresa was shocked: "You…made a painting?"

"It's a drawing, really. I haven't tried it since I was a kid, so I can't guarantee the quality." Garrus looked a little embarrassed.

Teresa snatched the drawing from his hands and looked at it: "That's us. And we're standing on the Presidium."

"Correct. That's my favorite part of the Presidium. Add the woman I love and it's a perfect place." Garrus seemed relieved that she recognized what was on the picture.

Teresa kept looking at the picture. It showed some inexperience, but also some talent, and quite a lot of effort. She would never anticipate something like that from him and it made her happier than the most expensive gift he could afford.

Suddenly, she noticed something else: "There's something written at the bottom. What does it say? I can't read turian script."

"It says: 'Teresa and Garrus, Presidium', and today's date." His mandibles flexed. "I don't know human script or I'd have written in it. It's meant as a memento of us for you."

Teresa was moved. "Really, Garrus, I think this is the best gift I ever received. I'll treasure it always." She put the drawing carefully in her purse.

Garrus was radiating pride. "Let's hope our evening continues as good as it began. Where do you want to go?"

Teresa realized that she knows _exactly_ where she wanted to go: "Take me to your favorite part of the Presidium. The one you drew in the picture."

"Are you sure?" Garrus asked. "Wouldn't you like something more exciting?"

"No. I've had enough excitement to last for three lifetimes. Tonight, I want to do what normal people do. _That's_ unusual for me."

"Alright." Garrus took her hand reluctantly. He was still hesitant to touch her in public.

As they walked, hand in hand, Teresa asked: "So, painting... Why didn't you ever try to learn it? You definitely show talent."

"Well…" Garrus hesitated. "It wouldn't exactly go well with my family."

"Aren't turians free to choose what they want to do once they complete the required years of service in the military?" Teresa was showing off the knowledge she picked up in the Alliance databases.

"Yeeesss." Garrus said carefully. "But… If your family is respected and known for soldiers or C-Sec officers, and mine was, you're expected to continue the tradition. I wasn't getting along with my father for the most of my life and I joined C-Sec like he did. I can't imagine what he would do if I said I wanted to learn how to paint. He used to scold me when he caught me doing it when I was a child."

"I… see…" Teresa said, trying to imagine a life like that. She wouldn't tell it to anyone, not even Garrus, but lately she tried to imagine what would be like to live in a radiation suit, under the rule of the Hierarchy. It sounded _very_ incompatible with a life of a human, so she tried not to dwell too long on it.

Garrus had a strange expression in his eyes as he looked at her, like he's trying to figure out what's going on in her head right now. She wouldn't let him. These kinds of thoughts were the most private ones, and something that would come into the consideration only _after_ the war with the Reapers. She shook her head slightly, reprimanding herself. _No mentioning or thinking of Reapers during _the operation_._

"It doesn't matter now anyway. I'm a trained killer, and that's what I do. Except when I try to surprise the woman I love." Garrus shrugged. It was weird to see him using a human gesture, almost as weird as when he said "thank the heavens".

"I'm glad you tried." She was glad to see the other side of him, under the polished surface he presented for others. In that, they were quite alike.

They arrived at the place Garrus drew in his picture. It was a terrace with a good overlook over the Presidium. Its position allowed it to capture both the serenity and the hustle and bustle of the Presidium.

Garrus leaned on the fence and looked at the gorgeous vista: "The C-Sec station I was posted at is a little down the street. I'd come here during breaks to take my mind off work."

"I didn't know you have an eye for aesthetics." Teresa took the same pose as him and soaked in the moment of peace they experienced.

Garrus shrugged again: "Mhm, we all have our weaknesses. Must have come with that painting talent you talked about."

"True. I have a weakness for C-Sec-turned-vigilante-turned-Reaper-advisor turians." Teresa got closer to him as she spoke and hugged him.

He seemed a little embarrassed at first, and she suspected he's not used to public displays of affection. Soon he relaxed, though, and touched his forehead to hers.

"You are the most aesthetically pleasing sight I've ever seen. And another weakness of mine." Garrus said, before bringing his mouth to her lips to kiss her.

It's been quite a shy kiss, at least compared to what usually happened in their cabin, but it still seemed to draw someone's attention. They were interrupted by a flash of light and someone clearing throat next to them.

"Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani. Commander Shepard, I have some questions."

Well. It was an "operation", and had any of them ever gone smoothly? Garrus glowered as he jumped away from Teresa and clenched his talons into a fist. Teresa threw him a warning glance with a clear message: _"I'll handle this."_

She looked at the annoying reporter and wanted to say: "Shoot", but ended up just staring at her. The questions would come anyway.

"Commander, how do you justify going on a date when the galaxy and _Earth_ are burning and bleeding? And with a turian? What is that telling our people?"

Teresa heard a growl coming from Garrus, his secondary voice only, and it was increasing with every passing moment. This needed to be resolved, _fast_.

"It's telling them that with all the chaos around us we still need moments for ourselves, or we lose what we fight for: our loved ones. It's also telling them it's time to overcome our past and our differences if we want to survive." Teresa took a deep breath to calm herself. It felt like her secondary voice, if she had one, would be growling. "You can trust I'm doing all I can to save everyone, including you, and who I am sharing my bed with shouldn't be subject of your sensationalistic crap."

Teresa took Garrus under her arm and dragged him out of there, leaving Khalisah behind. The growl subsided once they were far enough from her, and Teresa heard him take a deep breath.

"Sorry. This kind of crap comes with being famous." Teresa said, stopping and releasing him.

"I would have punched her and been done with it."

"I think she's more embarrassed this way, actually." Teresa gave a small shrug. "So, what should we do now?"

"I have an idea." Garrus said, looking up. "We'll have the best view of the Presidium, and no one will be able to interrupt us."

Teresa followed his gaze, and realized he's looking at one of the support beams, or whatever they were, at the top of the Presidium.

"Wait. You don't mean we go up _there_?" She was honestly surprised.

"Yes, I do. I always wanted to know what's the view from up there. The only problem was, there were 137 regulations telling me I can't go."

"So you got them changed?"

"No. Right now, I don't give a damn." He grabbed her hand and dragged her toward the nearest skycar station, taking the initiative.

Teresa followed his lead, and after some deftly maneuvering through the traffic, they were up there. If the view from the terrace was gorgeous, this was simply breathtaking.

"It's amazing." Teresa's voice was filled with awe.

Garrus didn't say anything and just pulled her close. They stood like that for a while, and then he spoke: "I want you to know that I'm willing to stay with you no matter what happens and no matter what people say about us." He nuzzled her neck with his mandible.

Teresa felt tears coming to her eyes and tried to fight them as best as she could. No one has ever said such a thing to her.

"I feel the same way." She whispered, her voice shakier than usual. "I think I told you already, but I love you, Garrus Vakarian." She put her fingers under his fringe and brought his mouth to her lips.

The artificial sky above was colored like sunset, matching with the Citadel's clock. It painted the scene orange as a turian male and a human female kissed above the Presidium. They enjoyed the rare carefree moment in their life before returning to the _Normandy_ and taking the heavy burden that was laid upon their shoulders.


	8. Sweet and Sour

Chapter 8: Sweet and Sour

Garrus Vakarian needed a drink.

It wasn't often that he would indulge, but right now his nerves demanded it. For the first time in a long while Teresa went on a mission without him. It wasn't just any mission, either. She went to infiltrate a geth dreadnought.

Garrus entered the lounge and went straight for the bar. He was pleased to find it stocked with his favorite brandy. This was, he thought as he poured a glass, probably the only Alliance ship caring so much about its dextro-amino crew. The others would, if they _would_ have dextro-amino crewmembers at all, have nutrient paste or ration bars and water at best. He could enjoy actual food and drink.

He sat on one of the couches and took the bottle with him. Taking the first sip from the glass, his mind wandered back to the dreadnought mission. Teresa took Tali and EDI with her, dismissing his attempts to join her. (_"I can overload their circuits! And they die just fine when you put a bullet through their flashlight!" "EDI and Tali are just better suited for this kind of mission and I'm too used to work in threes to have you tag along. End of discussion.")_ So now he was stuck here with a glass in his hand and his mind running the worst case scenarios that are happening on the dreadnought _right now_, and Teresa was stuck with a bunch of Reaper-improved geth, a barely adult quarian, and an unshackled AI in a Cerberus-designed body. Nope, nothing could _possibly_ go wrong.

She also, he thought suddenly, had to go through that damned tube in _zero-g_ to get to the ship at all. A cold shiver ran down his spine. Unlike most people, he knew how Teresa felt in zero-g ever since she was spaced. He wanted to be there, walk side by side with her, offering support.

At the thought of it, he downed the glass.

As he was pouring another one the door to the lounge opened and Liara entered. In her hands was a steaming cup, filled with a dark brown liquid. It also had a strong smell that immediately attacked his nose. The smell was so… _levo-amino_ that it was repulsive. It was also… familiar. Teresa would drink this sometimes, and he asked her to do it in the mess hall, not their cabin.

He took a swig from the newly poured glass.

"Ew, is that… how's it called… coffee? It sure stinks like it." His mandibles were crossed in disgust.

"Yeah. I need something to wake me up. And please… _not so loud._" Liara looked _very _exhausted.

He wasn't talking loud at all.

"It stinks." He stated again, quieter.

"Really? I think it smells refreshing." Liara drank from the cup. Her movements were slow, sluggish.

"_All_ levo-amino food and drink smell strange to me, I don't think we feel it the same way. This one's _killing_ me, though."

"Garrus. You're loud again." Liara protested again, making Garrus take a good look at her. Suddenly, it all clicked in his analytical mind: can't stand noises, needs to wake up, slow, exhausted…

"Liara… You have a hangover, don't you?" He chuckled slightly as he spoke. Getting drunk was so _not_ like Liara that seeing her like this was funny.

"Uh… yes." Liara admitted, her cheeks getting a darker blue color. "While you two were on a date, I went to a bar-"

"You, in a bar?" Garrus' secondary voice had a surprised ring to it.

"Teresa suggested I should loosen up, do something I never do. So yes, I went to a bar. I _wanted_ to stick to non-alcoholic stuff only, but it turned out EDI and Joker were already there. They _made_ me try some, uh, booze, and I, uh, ended up liking it." Liara's cheeks were now _flushed_ dark blue.

Garrus laughed out loud now, his mandibles flexing at Liara as she hissed a "Shhhh!"

"Welcome to the world of grown-ups, kid." He managed to say through laughter.

Liara pouted. "Why do you and Teresa always enjoy teasing me?"

"Because you get so upset every time we do. Take it easy, it's all good natured. You _know_ we like you."

"I got used to it over time." Liara drank from the cup again. "I _had_ to, if I wanted to survive. Now enough about my _misadventures_ and tell me why are you here, trying to _get_ a hangover."

Garrus drank from the glass before replying: "Who's going to cover Teresa while on the dreadnought? Tali? With a shotgun? And don't get me started on EDI. I'd be surprised if the geth or Reapers don't attempt to hack her or something."

Liara smiled, quite mischievously: "Ah. I could have thought. Girlfriend trouble."

"It is _not_ 'girlfriend trouble'." Garrus scoffed. "Teresa and I work just fine. I just… worry."

"You're possessive. She can take care of herself."

"I'm not. I just can't imagine losing her."

Garrus' omni-tool then beeped, indicating a new message. He took the distraction gladly, looking for an excuse to stop the conversation.

The message was surprising. Even a little disturbing. Garrus rose from the couch, quickly finishing the glass.

"I have to get down to the shuttle bay. It seems I have a _delivery_ waiting for me. See you around." With that, Garrus left Liara to enjoy her coffee alone.

The package was a box of assorted chocolates. Turian chocolates. And the message was from Dr. Michel, saying she saw these sweets in a shop on the Citadel and thought of him.

Garrus grabbed the box and took a good look at it. It was fancy looking, and had a blue ribbon with a _bow_ neatly wrapped around it. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe not, but the ribbon was the same shade of blue as his clan markings. The chocolates themselves had the sour filling, his least favorite one.

If Teresa didn't warn him about Dr. Michel earlier, the meaning of this would probably be lost on him. But, since he knew, it was his responsibility to fix this before Teresa finds out and goes to _talk_ some sense in the good doctor. He really didn't want to find himself in the middle of a _catfight_ (he was proud he knew the human expression for it).

Maybe it was the alcohol that made him mischievous, maybe it was just him, but he suddenly knew what to do. The article al-Jilani wrote on them was already on the extranet. Teresa noticed it this morning while browsing. While it was still the same sensationalistic crap she usually wrote, it was at least _sentimental_ sensationalistic crap, seeing their relationship as a good thing. His reply to Dr. Michel contained only the keyword to the article, hoping she'd make her own conclusion.

There was still the problem with the chocolates. If it wasn't his least favorite taste, he'd be tempted to eat them, but now he didn't know what to do with them. The only other person on the ship who could eat them was Tali. Garrus sighed and sent her an omni-tool message, saying she could have some turian sweets if she wanted them.

* * *

Teresa ran for her life through the alien, angular hallways of the geth dreadnought. The ship rocked violently as it was bombarded by the quarian Heavy Fleet. She could hear the sounds of explosions all over it, and fires were erupting everywhere.

_Fucking admirals! If I get out of this alive, they _will_ pay!_

That warmonger Gerrel ordered his fleet to fire on the ship while they were still there. If they didn't find Legion, who was now leading them to the only way off the ship, they would have died in an imminent, spectacular explosion.

The escape plan Legion suggested was boarding a geth fighter and flying away, preferably before the ship blows up. Compared to what they did lately, the plan was _surprisingly_ low on crazy. It was, however, high on tension and tight timing.

After being nearly burned to a crisp in a burst of fire, their group reached the fighter launch bay. It wasn't a moment too soon, because the entire ship began to fall apart. As everything was crumbling around them, they reached the fighter Legion indicated.

_Thwump!_

The ship began to lose its environmental controls. The artificial gravity was the first thing to go, and Teresa was panicked. Luckily, she was very near the fighter, which seemed to have its own gravity field, so it took only one step to be back to safety.

Tali wasn't so lucky. She slipped and started to drift away in zero-g. Teresa _froze_. She knew it was her duty to help a crewmember, but couldn't get her muscles to move. It was _Legion_ who grabbed Tali by hand and pulled her to safety. Teresa thought she'd never see a geth helping a quarian voluntarily, but there it happened, right in front of her eyes.

The fighter launched in time to avoid the detonation. As it traveled towards the _Normandy_, Teresa hoped no one noticed her panic attack. Her heart was still beating too fast.

"Shepard-Commander, are you alright?"

"Yeah." Teresa managed to say with an even voice. She was glad it was Legion who noticed something, and not her "regular" crewmembers.

She pinged Joker: "Joker, we're coming in a geth fighter. Watch your fire!"

"Waggle your wings or something, so I can tell which one is you."

Not even in a situation like this Joker would miss the opportunity to joke about the unusually _organic_ look of the geth fighters. It was just Joker being Joker, and the reason why she liked him.

Teresa was relieved when they finally reached the _Normandy_. She was even happier when she noticed Garrus waiting for her in the shuttle bay. He approached her as soon as he saw her, and hugged her tightly. His breath smelled faintly of alcohol as he held her close, but she decided not to bring it up. He seemed sober enough to function.

"Joker said the dreadnought lost gravity while you were there. Are you alright?" His secondary voice was so full of concern it was touching.

"Yeah. Although it wouldn't end well for Tali if Legion wasn't there. I froze. I _fucking_ froze." Now that the danger has passed, Teresa was pissed off at herself.

"Damn it." Garrus hissed, taking it almost as bad as her. He suddenly blinked in surprise: "Did you say _Legion_? Was he on the ship?"

"Yeah. He saved our asses by taking control of a geth fighter and using it as an escape pod. It seems you'll finally have someone on the ship you can talk with about sniper rifles."

"You brought him here? Like EDI wasn't enough?" Garrus was sounding more than a little worried.

"He was imprisoned by Reapers. They hooked him up to something that looked like a torture machine to boost the signal we were sent to shut down. We _had_ to release him. And the first thing he did once he was free was to save us. I don't think he'll be a problem. And what do you have against EDI?" Teresa was surprised. Having reservation about Legion was understandable, but EDI? Hadn't she proved herself on more than one occasion until now?

"An unshackled AI in a Cerberus body? And you took her to a ship full of geth hacked by Reapers? If she starts saying 'We are EDInger' or something like that I _will_ test my new omni-tool's destructive capabilities on her no matter what you say."

"Come on, Garrus. Don't you see she's innocent?" Teresa frowned.

"In that body? Hardly." He was being a smartass now.

"I meant she has a completely childlike mind. All the concepts we take for granted she has yet to learn. I've spoken to her enough times to see what she really is: an innocent child with quantum-computing processing power."

"Maybe…" Garrus said carefully, obviously not convinced.

"From what I've seen of her she despises Reapers. I think she'd rather shut herself down if they attempted to hack her than get under their control."

Garrus didn't say anything, just made a grumbling sound with his secondary voice. It meant he disagreed but didn't want to say it out loud, she knew.

Teresa shook her head. There was no time for long discussions about EDI when there was a room full of quarian admirals waiting to be taught a lesson.

She said: "We'll continue discussing EDI's nature later. Right now, I have an admiral to punch." Her hand clenched into a fist.

"Punch?" Garrus asked, surprised.

"It was Gerrel who ordered the attack while we were still on the dreadnought. I swore to God he'll pay if I get out of there alive."

"Hah!" Garrus chuckled. "It seems he has a lesson coming his way: Don't piss Commander Shepard off by leaving her stranded in zero-g. She gets violent then."

Teresa grinned at his joke and entered the elevator.

* * *

Tali snickered under her breath while _pretending_ to work at a console in the _Normandy_'s war room. She was grateful for the mask on her helmet, because it was concealing her face from Shala'Raan. Seeing Shep- Teresa in action, punching Han'Gerrel in the stomach, was _priceless_, but she doubted Raan would approve her enjoying it so much.

For the first time after they returned from the dreadnought she paid attention to her omni-tool. There was a bunch of unread messages, but only one caught her attention. It was the one from Garrus.

She didn't have a chance to talk to him yet, although she had a secret crush on him. The admiral duties were making her _very _busy. It would seem he was taking the initiative.

Tali was sure she had a silly grin on her face as she opened the message, and it grew even wider as she read the message. Garrus bought her dextro-amino based chocolates. Could it mean…?

She hurried down to the shuttle bay, and quickly found the box waiting for her. It looked very nice, and even had a decorative ribbon wrapped around it.

Tali giggled like a schoolgirl, feeling a moment of ultimate happiness. Her joy _was_ soured for a moment when she remembered all the gossip floating around the ship during the Collector mission. Everyone was saying there was something between Garrus and the commander. Gabby from engineering even swore she saw him enter Teresa's cabin with a bottle in his hand. Still, it was hard _not _to notice the tension between them in that rough time after they destroyed the Collector base. It wasn't the first friendship, Tali thought, that crossed the line and didn't work after the deed was done.

Tali shook her head and hugged the box close to her, chasing the dark thoughts away. _No. He sent me a gift. It has to mean what I think it means. It _has _to. Now's my chance._


	9. Wrong Signal

**I apologize for the delay, I know you've been anxiously awaiting the next chapter (hah!), but my muse is whimsical at best and evil at worst. Guess what, she's been at her worst lately! I'll try to stick to the usual, two updates per week, rate if she lets me.**

* * *

Chapter 9: Wrong Signal

Garrus stretched on the bed in Teresa's cabin, taking his eyes off his omni-tool's display and looking around the room aimlessly. Not even the extranet article he was reading (_10 Ways to Please a Human Female - the Ultimate Guide for Turians)_ could hold his attention.

Teresa went on yet another crazy mission, this time with Legion alone. She was supposed to help him wipe out a geth server by plugging into the geth consensus directly. He couldn't help but think of all the Cerberus cybernetics that brought her to life and how would they react to the geth technology. What will come back, the person he knew and loved, or a monster he'll need to kill with fire?

Also, this happened after another sleepless night, at least for Teresa. Zaal'Koris, the only sane admiral except Tali, crashed on Rannoch and Teresa was summoned in the middle of the night cycle for a rescue mission. He slept through when the call came and woke up some time later to find an empty bed. For a moment he was afraid her nightmares increased again, before realizing she's not on the ship at all. It ended up with Joker telling him where she went, not missing the chance to allude at _what_ kept him asleep through the call (sadly, he was right).

Garrus sighed and focused on the article again. He could simply _ask_ about things she would like in bed as their relationship was past the need for fishing for info in secrecy, but that was just him. He liked to be on top and ahead of the situation at all times, always ready, always prepared. Also, it's not like she minded when he'd pull a new trick, surprising her.

He found his fabled _concentration _slipping all the time. The info in the article just kept flowing through him, not really registering. This time he couldn't calm his nerves down with alcohol, either. Teresa turned on her heels as she left their cabin for the mission, saying: _"Be careful with alcohol, _Officer_ Vakarian."_ She was smiling, and calling him an officer was a recent internal joke between them, but there were a lot of _other_ tiny signs in her expression suggesting a reprimand. Garrus wouldn't _dream_ of even smelling a drink now unless on shore leave. Their relationship had many layers: they were friends, they were lovers, but there was a line, almost invisible but impassable, dividing them as a commander and a subordinate.

Finding his mind wandering again, and not down happy paths, either, he turned back to the article. He was just reading the _Way No. 6: You have a long tongue - use it_ when the ship's intercom buzzed.

_"Heeeyy, Garrrrrrusss."_ It was Tali. She's been always pronouncing the R's hard, but this was… rolled. No, Garrus corrected himself, slurred. She sounded… drunk. Or at least tipsy.

"Tali? What's up?"

"_Would you come to the louuunge? I have somethhhing to tell youuu."_ Tali giggled uncontrollably at the word "something", but despite that her voice sounded uncharacteristically… alluring.

An alarm bell went off in his head, and a box of chocolates flashed briefly in front of his eyes. _Something,_ some gut feeling he had, told him this had something to do with it.

He hoped he was wrong, but if he wasn't… then this had to be _dealt_ with.

"I'll be right there." Garrus replied half-heartedly, wondering just how big mess he got himself into.

As he walked, he tried to convince himself that his innocent gesture of friendship was interpreted exactly the way it was intended, but that gut feeling wouldn't shut up. _You idiot, _it kept telling him,_ the doc sent it to you as a romantic gesture. What the hell did you think? What kind of signal would it send?_

Garrus stopped in front of the lounge door for a moment, rubbing his forehead and taking deep breaths. One tiny part of him was hoping he was just paranoid.

As he walked through the door, the alarm bell in his head turned into a klaxon. Being both a sniper and a former C-Sec officer he scanned the room by instinct. On the bar's counter there was a bottle of _his_ brandy, a glass with a straw in it, and a half eaten box of Dr. Michel's chocolates. Tali sat at the counter, hopping up and down in the seat, giggling to herself and gesticulating wildly. As soon as she heard his footsteps she turned around and jumped off the seat.

_Shit._ That was the most eloquent conclusion he could think of.

Tali closed the distance between them _very_ quickly, with an obvious intention to throw her outstretched arms around him. Garrus was faster and managed to grab her wrists in the last moment. He held her at a distance gently but firmly.

Tali's body language changed in a second, her body growing more tense and her movements becoming jittery.

"Wh-wh-what? D-D-Don't tell me I-" Tali stammered at the same time as Garrus spoke up: "Tali… uh, you got it all wrong."

Tali froze for a moment and then her shoulders drooped. "Nnnno. No way. The chhhhocolates… They had to mean it…" Through the drunken slurs her voice sounded like she was about to cry.

"They were a gift from Dr. Michel and I didn't like them. Since you're the only person on the ship other than me who could eat them, I thought you'd want them. Sorry I sent the wrong signal."

Tali muttered something under her breath. Her body lost tension, and Garrus finally released her, believing she won't jump at him anymore.

She spoke, her head bowed low, and Garrus could swear he saw the sparkling light of her eyes behind the helmet recede: "I've had a crrrrushhh on you ever sssince we chhhased Sarrrren… I thought the sweeetsss meant you llllike me tooo."

Garrus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He always regarded Tali as a friend and he could never imagine seeing her drunk or declaring a crush on him. The only way out of this mess he could see was to be direct. He opened his eyes, exhaling slowly.

"I'm in a relationship with Ter- with Commander Shepard." _And you don't want to cross her path in this matter, trust me, _he added in his mind. "You're… you're my friend Tali. A good friend… but just a friend." These words felt awfully clumsy, but he didn't know any better.

He didn't think it could be possible, but Tali's shoulders drooped even more.

"But… But… You didn't tallllk to each other afterrr the Collllectorrr base…"

"Yes… But we've come a long way since then. Listen, Tali, I love her and she loves me." Garrus decided to be as direct as possible, hoping to snap Tali out of her denial.

She was silent for a while, obviously processing what she just heard.

"I... ammm an idiot." The last word sounded final, coated in bitterness.

"Tali… You're n-" Garrus began, but she cut him out.

"Yes, I ammm. Plllease lllleave, I'd llllike to be allllone."

Garrus opened his mouth to say something again, but Tali shook her head pleadingly. He shrugged, gave up and left the lounge.

* * *

Teresa sighed and closed her eyes as the shuttle's gentle rocking was putting her to sleep. In the next moment she wished she didn't, because her mind was assaulted with silvery squares coming out of nowhere, forming a path in front of her. Her eyes snapped open, and she gasped, realizing she just got some more material for her nightmares.

Luckily, her old favorites - Garrus dying and memories of Mindoir - seemed to leave her alone recently, but there was a new one appearing more and more. It included a burned forest and a little boy she saw die on Earth. It didn't make much sense, but it kept appearing, like it's trying to tell her something.

She shook her head, trying to tear away from such thoughts. It was hard, because she was very tired and lacked sleep. The trip to the geth consensus proved to be very taxing on her mind and combined with the exhausting night cycle she's been through, it was a miracle she's been able to stay awake.

The night cycle wasn't exhausting because of a nightmare, though. First, Garrus and she had a rather demanding… _sparring match_. Then, she was awoken by EDI, who picked up a distress call from Admiral Koris' ship. Being a savior that she was, Teresa dragged herself out of bed, taking an unusually happy Tali and EDI with her to help the admiral. Garrus didn't move at all when she left the cabin, the poor turian being so worn out from their _match_.

She felt the corners of her mouth going slightly upwards at the thought of it. For all their _size_, turians lacked _real_ endurance. Well, at least, _Officer_ Vakarian did, although he was improving lately. Teresa felt her smile deepening as the thought of _formally_ naming Garrus her XO crossed her mind again. It wasn't without merit. He's been the _de facto_ XO of the _Normandy_ ever since the Collector mission, no matter who actually sat in that office. Still, formally promoting him would give Hackett a migraine from hell and the man had enough problems on his own. It would have to remain an internal joke between them.

After Koris was returned safe and sound to the fleet, she got a few hours of sleep, but not nearly enough for what awaited her. Legion showed up early in the morning, wanting her help in eliminating a geth server. The geth fighters installed on it were tearing the quarians apart. Yet again, she went to save the day. It was the weirdest experience of her life, full of silvery squares and blocks, but she got out okay - at least she hoped so. Now she was returning to the _Normandy_, wanting some peace and quiet.

As soon as she was off the shuttle, the _Normandy_'s intercom buzzed with Dr. Chakwas' voice. "_Commander, I'd like you in my office for a check-up_."

"What for?"

"_Your implants just interfaced with geth equipment. If you don't mind, I'd like to run a few tests on them."_

Teresa shrugged. It sounded like a reasonable thing to check on.

"On my way."

When she entered the med bay, she was surprised to find Tali sleeping on one of the beds. She asked Dr. Chakwas as she was scanning the implants with her omni-tool: "What's up with Tali? Was she hurt during the rescue of Admiral Koris?"

"No, it's not that. She wouldn't tell me what _exactly_ happened, but apparently she mixed some turian alcohol with turian sweets. Although it was dextro-amino, her immune system didn't react well to it, and she was hit with a severe nausea. I gave her some meds, and she should be okay in no time."

Teresa raised an eyebrow in surprise. First Tali was unusually happy during the nighttime mission, and then she finds her drunk and overeaten on chocolate. This was weird, but she couldn't figure out what was really happening so she just shrugged and let it go.

Chakwas was soon finished with the check up (not finding any anomalies to her great relief) and freed her from the med bay. Teresa went straight to her cabin, to find Garrus playing with his omni-tool.

As soon as she entered, Garrus switched the omni-tool off and looked at her.

"I screwed up." He said simply.

Teresa crossed her arms over her chest. Tali being sick. Turian alcohol. Turian sweets. Garrus screwing up. It _had_ to be related.

"Would that had something to do with Tali lying sick in the med bay?"

Garrus looked upset: "Damn it. Did she attempt to drown her sorrows in too much alcohol?"

"Something like that. She also ate some turian sweets which mixed badly with alcohol. What happened?" At the last sentence, Teresa's voice took a commanding tone, demanding an answer, her face stern.

"Dr. Michel sent me a box of turian assorted chocolates yesterday. I made myself very clear that I'm not interested in her, but I didn't know what to do with the sweets. I _hated_ the filling, so I couldn't eat them. I decided to give them to Tali, but that turned out to be a… wrong signal." Garrus stopped, rubbing his forehead.

"Continue." Teresa said, her tone still demanding.

"It turned out Tali had a crush on me for a long time, and she interpreted the wrong signal the way she wanted to. I had no idea, honest. When I explained the situation she… didn't take it too well." Garrus looked like a boy getting caught in some mischief.

"Good _grief._ I leave _my_ crew alone for a couple of hours and return to find _my_ ship full of high school drama." Teresa tried to keep the tone reprimanding and her face stern, but it wasn't working. The situation was funny, or it would be if she didn't need Tali at full capacity on the Admiralty Board.

Garrus seemed to be catching on her amusement, because his mandibles twitched like he was about to grin, but was trying to hold it in.

"I assume 'high school drama' means something childish?"

"You could say so."

"You're not… upset because of what happened?" Garrus asked carefully.

"If you're asking if I'm mad at you, then the answer is no. I'm not exactly an expert on handling tricky relationships, so if I was in the same situation I'd probably screw up somehow too." Teresa let the stern expression melt away completely as she looked at Garrus.

She could swear she saw Garrus breathe a sigh of relief.

"I'm more worried about Tali. We're old friends. I wouldn't want this to mess it up."

"Yeah." Garrus' mandibles twitched again. "Besides, we need someone with brains on the Admiralty Board if we plan on getting the quarians' help."

Teresa grinned as Garrus' thoughts mirrored her own. She said: "When she gets better I'll go talk to her, and convince her that all is good between us… and I'll be careful not to take you on missions with her."

"Damn. I don't like it when you go out without me." An expression of concern crossed Garrus' eyes.

"Honestly? I don't like it either, but I'll do anything to keep order on the ship." Teresa shrugged.

"I understand." Garrus said.

The Tali topic being closed, Teresa felt Garrus looking at her more closely. The concern in his eyes grew deeper. He said: "You look… exhausted."

"I didn't get what you'd call a good night's sleep, you know. And the whole geth consensus thing was… overwhelming. It's almost like I'm too tired to sleep."

"Would you like some time alone, then? I think James mentioned he's up for poker when I have time. Maybe we can get Liara to play with us too. You know, she's loosen up lately." The concern in his eyes was replaced by amusement again as he spoke about Liara.

Teresa smiled. Garrus was always so considerate. She said: "You're free to go."

Garrus was almost through the door when she called out: "One more thing, _Officer Vakarian._"

He turned around and looked at her.

"What exactly did you say to Dr. Michel?"

"I didn't say anything. I just sent her the keyword to the article al-Jilani wrote about us." Garrus' mandibles flexed and his eyes were shining with mischievous pride.

"Oh, _Garrus._" It was all Teresa managed to say before bursting out laughing.

* * *

Tali sat on the medical bed. The meds Dr. Chakwas gave her worked wonders as she didn't feel drunk and sick anymore. Looking outside the med bay window, she saw Garrus entering the lounge with James and Liara. That would mean, Tali reasoned, that Shepard is alone in her cabin and she could go there and apologize for the mess she created personally.

_You can do it, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. You're an adult and an admiral. You own your mistakes._

Tali sighed, and made the final decision, jumping down from the medical bed. The faster she gets through this, the better.

Arriving at Shepard's cabin, Tali wasn't so sure this was a good idea. There were all sorts of evidence about Shepard's and Garrus' life together and it was painful. Turian-suited tools on the table. Anti-allergy pills on the nightstand. Keelah, what was that, a drawing of them posted on the wall? And… was that Garrus' shirt sprawled on the floor? Tali couldn't help but wonder what happened before the shirt was tossed down there.

Even worse than all that was the fact that Shepard was apparently trying to get some sleep or at least rest. Tali backpedalled towards the door, saying: "Uh, if this is a bad time, I'll come back later…"

"It's all right, Tali. I'm tired but can't relax. Too much happened today." Shepard smiled. She smiled. Tali felt she could _almost _breathe normally again.

Taking a deep breath, she spoke, as evenly as she could: "I'm sorry for what happened today. It was immature and _stupid_ and it won't happen again."

Shepard got out of bed as Tali spoke. Nearly tripping on Garrus' shirt, she picked it up and put it away, muttering: "Men. All the same, no matter which way their DNA folds."

Tali couldn't help but smile under her helmet, despite the situation. It would seem that Shepard wasn't _terribly_ angry. She might get out this alive. Taking another deep breath, she said: "So, are we good?"

"I'm not going to fight you for Garrus' affection, if that's what you're asking." Shepard's smile turned into a smirk. "There's too much at stake with this war for me to fight my crewmembers - even temporary ones. Besides, we're old friends. Just make sure it doesn't affect your performance."

Tali relaxed visibly. She replied: "Like I said, it won't happen again, Commander."

"Commander? I think I said you can call me Teresa." Teresa's tone was gentle. "Really, Tali, we're good."

Tali wasn't sure if she could forget about Garrus so easily, but with Teresa being so forgiving, she was willing to try.


	10. The Impossible, Again

**Sorry for the slower updates. My health problems are making me feel crappy in the heat.**

* * *

Chapter 10: The Impossible, Again

_In a few moments I will stand on Rannoch. The home of my ancestors. _My_ home._

Even as those words echoed in her mind, Tali couldn't quite grasp them. It didn't even help that she's been on Rannoch once already. Back then it was nighttime, one half of her mind was asleep and the other one was occupied with Garrus. Before it could sink in properly, the rescue of Admiral Koris was done and she was back on the _Normandy_. Now, it was different. She was on the way to reclaim it back, with Teresa, EDI and Legion.

It took a long week for Legion to find the location of the Reaper base they were about to assault. After the embarrassing spectacle she made of herself, Tali mostly spent it avoiding Teresa and Garrus. She couldn't tell which was worse, the way how their relationship seemed to be completely unaffected by it, or how they've been both nice to her. It was like she attempted to break down walls of a fortress by throwing a rock at it, or something even more harmless, like crumpled tissue paper.

Liara was the one who helped her to get over it, as she offered a surprising amount of understanding and sympathy. Tali was grateful, but couldn't shake off the feeling it was just another reminder of how _childish _she was. Even Liara morphed from a naïve, wanna-be scientist to a full-fledged information broker who, to use her own words, could start a war if given five minutes. Tali still remained a childish machinist, trying to fill the shoes left by her father.

_No._ Tali shook her head. _I am an admiral, not just a stand-in for my father. I will do what he never did: not only reclaim our home, but make peace with the geth too. _Not so long ago she would have wanted to wipe all the geth out without a second thought, but Teresa and Legion changed her mind.

Speaking of which, the conversation between Teresa and Legion just turned into an argument. Tali barely paid attention to them, being lost in the attempt to sort her thoughts out, but Legion mentioning the Reaper upgrades left in him quickly made her attentive. Teresa didn't seem to take this well.

"Legion is on our side." Tali said sharply, convincing. It was a little surprising even for her, but after Teresa told her what she saw in the geth consensus, Tali now firmly believed in their innocence. Her people attacked first, and only because geth asked if they had a soul.

"You're right, Tali. We shouldn't be wasting our time on arguments. How did we come to this? Geth are better than that." Teresa said with a sigh. Tali knew she'll do everything in her power to unite her people and the geth.

Legion seemed to contemplate this as his flashlight plates twitched several times. Finally he said: "No. Based on the empirical evidence, we are not."

Tali smiled sadly under her helmet at his words. Geth were truly innocent. All the bad things they did were forced upon them by the organics. Their true nature was peaceful and honest. How did she ever think they were just bloodthirsty killing machines?

With a heavy feeling in her heart, Tali realized she knew the answer: all the lies told by her people. Were the organics _really_ that much better than synthetics? Or _were_ they better at all?

There was no time left for such thoughts as the shuttle finally touched down on Rannoch. Legion left quickly to help them gain entry to the base, and Tali was left with Teresa and EDI. She walked like in a dream, turning her head slowly, trying to absorb her surroundings as much as possible. The sky, the fabled rock formations, everything…

_Rannoch. Walled garden._ _Home. _Tali sank to her knees and touched the ground of her homeworld. Behind her, she heard Teresa saying: "Take your time." She was glad the commander understood her need to _feel_ her home. It wasn't as real as it _could_ be as she still wore her suit's gloves, but it was pretty damn close.

Rising, Tali looked around once more. Her own garden will be right here, with the living room window looking at it. She smiled under the helmet.

"Nice choice." She heard Teresa say behind her back.

Tali turned around quickly, as if caught doing something bad. "Did… Did I say that out loud?" Teresa nodded, smiling.

"I know it's not much, but I just claimed my land. When this is over… I'll have a home." Tali's voice was full of disbelief, even to her surprise.

Teresa crouched and picked a rock from the ground. She then handed it to Tali, saying: "Here. A foundation for your home. It's a start."

Tali received the rock and held it in her hand for a few moments before placing it carefully in one of the many pockets in her suit. "I never thought-" She began, but was interrupted by a metallic sound of clearing throat.

"Pardon me, but we came here for a mission." It was EDI. Tali had almost forgotten she was there.

"Of course, EDI. I won't reclaim my home by standing here. I'm ready to blow the Reapers off Rannoch." Tali said with a determination in her voice.

"Let's move out then!" Teresa commanded and sprinted forward.

It didn't take long and they reached the first group of geth. No, Tali corrected herself, a group of Reapers. They were nothing more but geth shells loaded with Reaper code. And soon they will be just shells.

"For Rannoch!" Tali cried out, feeling a surge of bravery. She sapped the energy out of the nearest geth, making it twitch uncontrollably. Using her shotgun, she blew it to bits then, sending the white goo splattering everywhere. It looked very much like blood, and it made Tali feel… satisfied. Then another geth went down. And another. And another. She was an unstoppable force of destruction, ready to kill anything that opposed her.

_Come here, you hacked bosh'tets. I have my shotgun._

* * *

"Dad? Dad…? Come in." Garrus listened to the static in his comlink's earpiece, with his talons frozen over the main battery's computer console, as if a slightest movement on his side could disturb the already lousy connection.

_"Solana's been hurt."_ His father's voice finally came through the earpiece, but offered no comfort.

"Hurt? How bad?" Garrus asked, feeling his throat tightening.

_"A broken leg. She'll live."_ The static in the transmission increased.

"Dad, you _have_ to get out of there!" Garrus felt desperation creep into his voice.

_"We're trying to, Garrus, but there are so few shuttles left-" _The transmission broke up completely, leaving him alone.

He breathed out a shaky breath, leaning on the console and whispering: "Spirits… please… if you exist… let me see them again."

Like all turians, he's been taught that spirits exist, and he took it for granted most of the time. However, he felt his faith was being seriously tested at this moment. Until now, he thought the humanity's loss of faith after the discovery of space travel was… inferior to say the least, but it suddenly made sense. If there was a higher power, how _could_ it allow the arrival of the Reapers? No matter what they did, what great sins they committed, they didn't deserve _this._

Garrus felt his claws trembling. When he was in battle, he could push everything aside and _focus_, but being alone was terrible for him. Teresa was down on Rannoch, and he was here, stuck with his constantly bubbling thoughts. Although he was glad to hear his father's voice, the call only brought more damage for his already shaken nerves. He needed a _distraction_.

After a moment of pondering, he decided to join Joker in the cockpit. He liked and respected the _Normandy_'s pilot, finding his endless supply of jokes and snarky comments amusing. Also, and this thought unsettled him more than he expected, they were in the same boat here. They both had their… women they loved… down on Rannoch. It definitely sounded better than staring at the gun's console doing nothing.

Arriving at Joker's station, Garrus motioned at the co-pilot's chair, the one where EDI sat when she was on the ship. He said: "May I join you?"

"Sure. Just don't touch anything." If Joker was surprised by this visit, he didn't show it.

Garrus sat down and stared at the planet below them, sighing.

"It sucks, huh?" Joker asked knowingly.

"Yeah." Garrus agreed. "I'm not used to this, not being part of the action."

"And you can't even drown your sorrows in brandy. Your _lady_ doesn't allow it." Joker's knowing smirk deepened.

Garrus was honestly surprised. He turned in the seat to look at Joker and asked: "How the hell do you know that?"

"_My_ _lady_ has eyes and ears all over the ship, remember? She knows everything and she _likes_ to share it with me."

Garrus' eyes were horrorstricken as he continued to look at Joker: "Then she watches us during, uh…"

"Your sparring matches?" Joker had a glint of triumph in his eyes. "Sure. But I taught her it's not a nice thing to do. Besides, I'm not interested in turian-on-human action. You're safe."

Garrus was mortified. Talking to Joker suddenly seemed like a very bad idea. Finally, after several uncomfortable moments of silence, he thought of a reply: "Hah, I bet Teresa will change her opinion on the whole 'innocent as a child' thing when I tell her this."

It was now Joker's turn to look surprised, but he never got the chance to ask his question. EDI's voice rang through the comlink: _"Jeff, bring the _Normandy_ down from orbit. The commander will paint-target the Reaper base soon."_

Garrus straightened in the seat as the _Normandy_ descended, completely forgetting their previous conversation. He couldn't be with Teresa, but he could at least _see_ what was happening. It had to be enough.

The high pitched whine of the target painter came through the cockpit's speakers. Its pitch increased until it was nearly too high to hear, then finally stabilized on an even tone. Joker fired the _Normandy_'s guns, and Garrus hoped they were at their best. They had to be, he didn't spend the entire time until he received the call from his dad calibrating his ass off for nothing.

The projectiles hit the structure indicated by the target painter. Garrus saw the smoke and rubble, and hoped it was enough. Maybe, just once, a mission will go _exactly as planned._

There was no such luck. Something rose from the smoke, and to Garrus' dismay it was the familiar squid-like shape with a glowing red eye.

"Spirits!" He gasped at the same time as Joker breathed a strained "Holy shit!"

The Reaper turned its eye on them. "Evasive maneuvers!" Joker yelled as his fingers began to work their magic on the flight control console.

The motion dampeners kicked in, but Garrus was still being thrown around in the co-pilot's seat as the Reaper's laser was cutting through the air, trying to hit the ship. "Is there something I can do to help?" He asked, although he was starting to feel dizzy.

"Yes. Shut up and keep your claws away from the controls!"

Garrus realized that was true, but still felt terrible being so helpless. His talons clenched into tight fists as he stared through the cockpit window. The quarian armada was firing at the Reaper, mostly ineffective, but then _something _happened. The Reaper broke off the attack for a moment, stumbling.

"EDI, do you know what did that? If we keep hitting it where it hurts maybe we can bring it down." There was a tiny bit of hope in Joker's otherwise panic stricken voice.

_"Yes. The firing chamber seems to be its weak point. I am connecting the quarian armada to our targeting system. The commander will paint-target the chamber so everyone can hit it."_

_The commander… will paint-target… the chamber…_ Garrus' mind went blank as it processed this information, and the meaning behind it sank in. His eyes clamped shut, not bearing to look at the Reaper anymore. It was too much for him.

_Spirits, save her. Spirits, save her. Spirits save her. Spiritssaveher. Spiritssaveher._ In the blackness behind his eyelids Garrus repeated the chant. Whether there was a higher power or not, in a situation like this the only thing one could do was to pray.

The high pitched whine repeated several times, followed by detonations from various weapons. Then, it was only silence. Garrus still kept his eyes shut, afraid to find out what the silence meant.

"You can open your eyes now, Garrus. The Reaper is dead." Joker's voice was surprisingly _lacking_ any teasing tone.

He did so, reluctantly, to see the Reaper lying on the ground, shooting off red sparks.

"Is it?" He asked. The thing looked dead, but with Reapers you never knew.

_"It appears to be completely inert. I can also verify that the geth are no longer hacked."_ EDI chimed in with a reply happily.

"And the commander?"

_"She is unharmed, as is the rest of the ground team."_

Garrus breathed a great sigh of relief, unclenched his fists and slumped in the seat. She did the impossible, again, and he… he may yet to live through this day.

* * *

"Keelah, we did it. We killed a Reaper." Teresa heard Tali behind her, with awe in her voice. It sounded exactly like Teresa felt. What she… what they _all_ did was staggering.

_"They all stopped fighting. Hit them with all we've got!" _Admiral Gerrel's voice came through the comlink. Teresa frowned, her feeling of triumph suddenly spoiled. This _damn_ warmonger was about to undo any chance for unification.

"Shepard-Commander, Creator-Zorah, do we deserve death?" Legion asked, his flashlight staring at them. "If you stop attacking we will help against the Reapers."

Before Teresa could reply, Tali cut in: "No, Legion, you don't. I'll try to stop them."

She activated her omni-tool and spoke into it: "This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. All units, cease fire. The geth are our friends."

Teresa was surprised to hear the authority in Tali's voice. Although she had the title of an admiral, this was the first time she really acted like one.

_"Negative. Keep firing!"_ Gerrel was _really_ getting on her nerves now. How _could_ he be so blind?

"If the creators keep attacking us, we must defend ourselves." Legion spoke. "We will upload the Reaper code to the consensus. Beginning upload."

"Legion, I beg you, do not do this. You will destroy us with the upgrades." Tali's voice sounded pleading.

"We regret the deaths of the creators, but we see no alternative. Ten percent." Legion replied, and Teresa could swear she could _hear_ the regret in his voice.

Tali turned to look at her and said, with that same pleading voice: "_Do_ something."

Teresa activated her comlink, addressing the entire fleet: "This is Commander Shepard. The geth are about to return to full strength. If you keep attacking you will be decimated. The geth don't want to fight you. If you can believe that for a minute this war is over and you can return to Rannoch. You have a choice. Keelah se'lai."

The silence following her speech was deafening. _Finally_, she heard Gerrel's voice: "All units, stop firing." Tali visibly relaxed.

"Upload complete… but it is not enough." Legion said, the inflections in his voice sounding almost like in an organic. "I must go to them personally. It's the only way."

Teresa blinked. _Did Legion just say _"I"?

"Legion… Do you remember the question your people asked so long ago? The answer was: 'Yes'." Tali said, her voice unusually sad.

"I know, Tali. But thank you. Keelah se'lai." As he finished speaking, Legion dropped on the floor, lifeless, his lights blinking out.

"He said: 'I'" Tali's voice was shaken. "He was a person, a real person before _he_ died."

As Tali spoke, a geth Prime approached them. Its… His… manner was friendly enough, but Teresa couldn't help but feel slightly alarmed. "Legion?" She called out as the Prime got really close.

"No, Commander. Legion sacrificed himself so each of us could become alive." The Prime replied. "We will honor his promise and help you against the Reapers."

"And I'm sure my people will too. You _deserve_ it." Tali added.

"Will you be alright, working with the geth?" Teresa asked. "They were your enemies until a little while ago."

"I'm not staying… I want to serve on the _Normandy_ again… if you'll have me. I promise working with Garrus won't be a problem." Tali's voice sounded uncomfortable at the last part.

"Of course I'll have you, but what about Rannoch? Your dream house with a garden? Didn't you want this all your life?" Teresa didn't really want to tear her friend away from a life of happiness.

"The Reapers will come to Rannoch eventually. If they aren't stopped, my dream house might not last long. I want to take my part in the fight. My people have been self-serving for too long." Tali sounded certain. She pulled the rock Teresa gave her from the pocket and looked at it. "Until we're free of the Reapers, this will have to be enough."

"Then welcome back, Tali."


	11. The Morning After

**Isn't it fun when your computer dies suddenly? It's not entirely fixed yet but I got it to boot, so that means I'm back :)**

* * *

Chapter 11: The Morning After

Garrus woke with a feeling of pain shooting all over his body. Having an ancient temple collapse on top of his head was _not_ his favorite way to end a mission. Luckily, he suffered no serious injuries, just a bunch of bruises, but still they hurt like hell. What helped him get through the night was a bottle of painkillers given to him by Dr. Chakwas, but it was on the nightstand, currently out of his reach. Teresa was snuggled tight against him, her weight resting on him. Getting the pills posed too much risk of waking her up, and she needed the rest badly. The night cycle was almost over, but he wouldn't move until she wakes up on her own or something demands her attention.

The mission on Thessia was a fiasco on all fronts and Teresa took it personally, like she usually would when things went wrong. Even Garrus felt frustrated at how it all ended. In one moment they had the key to winning this war in their hands, in another one it was all taken by Kai Leng. Thessia fell to the Reapers as easily as Earth and Palaven before it. Liara, Teresa and him escaped the devastation more or less in one piece, but the taste of defeat lingered in their mouths like ash.

They returned to the _Normandy_ with a dark cloud above their heads. Even Joker refrained from commenting when he saw them. Liara went to her office, the lock turning red as soon as the door closed behind her. Teresa went to the comm room, hesitating to make a call with mission report for the first time in her life. After getting the meds from Dr. Chakwas' office, he nearly dragged Teresa to their cabin where he cuddled her to sleep.

He looked at her form, sleeping next to him. The lights were out but the light from the fish tank was enough to barely see her face. Moving carefully to avoid waking her, he propped on one elbow, facing her. He then brushed the hair off her face as gently as he could with his free hand, tracing the strands sprawled on the pillow in quiet admiration. She let it grow longer than ever, at least from what he remembered, when he admitted his fascination with it. It was against the Alliance regs, she told him, but he figured those kind of regs were the least of her worries right now.

Garrus leaned in close and touched his forehead to hers, still running talons through her hair. She must have been sleeping lightly, as his gentle touch made her stir and sigh.

"Uhnnhh time is it?"

"6 AM in five minutes." Garrus still kept his forehead to hers and played with her hair. He _knew_ she needed him close after what happened yesterday.

He felt her wince as she remembered it. Her arms went around him, pulling him closer.

"God, what a mess." It came out nearly as a sob. "If Samantha didn't figure out Leng went to Sanctuary we wouldn't know what to do."

_Sanctuary. Horizon. Kaidan. _Garrus' mind raced as it made the connection, desperately searching for something to say and keep _her_ mind off it. The last thing she needed now was remembering Kaidan.

"Traynor finally proved she deserves a spot on the _Normandy_." He spoke, trying to keep his tone as casual as he could. "I thought she's a lab rat, only useful for playing a round of _Imperial Commander 3_ every now and then."

Teresa pulled away a little and her eyes had an amused expression in them. "You play video games?"

"Every now and then, I said. I guess that's why she handed my ass back to me every time." Garrus' brow plates drooped and his mandibles flared in his best attempt to look like he's pouting.

Teresa chuckled slightly. "If I'm not mistaken, the _Imperial Commander_ series is based on famous turian battles. Isn't it embarrassing to lose to a human?"

"No." Garrus' mandibles flexed open, and his eyes got a mischievous gleam to them. "I know you winning the battle of Shanxi can only happen in a game."

Teresa outright laughed: "I bet Ashley would make Samantha her personal hero."

Garrus scoffed: "Like I said, only in a game." Inwardly, he was congratulating himself. _Teresa laughing. Mission accomplished._

A knock on the door was heard. An uncertain, filtered voice came from the other side: "EDI said you're both awake. May I come in? It's Tali."

Garrus and Teresa looked at each other in surprise. Even though they both tried to convince her everything was okay, Tali was still avoiding any occasion when she could meet them together. The fact that she came to their cabin so early in the morning must have meant something really important has happened.

Teresa pulled away from him, putting some distance between them. Turning the lights on, she called out: "Yes. It's alright, Tali." He carefully pulled the sheets over them both, trying not to make Tali any more uncomfortable than necessary.

The door hissed open, and Tali stepped through carefully. The glow of her eyes behind the helmet was focused on an unidentified spot between them. She said: "It's about Liara. EDI and I had a little chat and she mentioned Liara didn't get sleep at all. In fact, she spent the entire night sitting on the bed and staring out the window, according to her."

_I guess EDI's spying on us finally proved useful_. Garrus carefully kept his mouth shut as he thought about this. He knew that both Tali and Teresa approved of EDI's new platform, and any word of distrust would put him in a bad position here.

"We need to help her." Teresa said what they all felt. Liara was their friend and ally in this war back when no one even believed there _was_ a war.

"I tried. She won't unlock the door, or answer her comms." Tali shook her head. "Besides what can I do? I just reclaimed my homeworld. She has just lost hers."

"Damn it." Garrus hissed, his secondary voice filled with concern. "She wasn't like that even after Noveria. And what can I or Teresa do? Our worlds are burning. We're just a reminder of what the Reapers are doing to us."

"We're doing this together." Teresa said resolutely. "All three of us. She's been with us since the very beginning, and we _will_ get her through this. Just give us a few moments to get ready, Tali."

Tali nodded. "I'll be waiting outside." She looked happy to not have to look at them anymore.

Garrus dragged himself out of bed, groaning in pain as his bruises reminded him of yesterday. He reached for the bottle of painkillers eagerly, swallowing two pills quickly.

"Is that too much?" Teresa asked, concerned.

"The doc said taking two every six hours is okay. I know what I'm doing." Garrus took a deep breath as he picked up his clothes, waiting for the painkillers to kick in.

They got dressed quickly and hurried out of the room.

* * *

Teresa knocked on Liara's door. There was no answer, and the lock's light remained red.

"Liara, open up!" She called out. "You can't hide in there forever."

There was still no answer.

"I've got Tali and Garrus with me. They can hack your lock no matter how many fancy Shadow Broker's defenses you put on it."

There was still silence on the other side of the door. Teresa motioned at her two friends, but as they lit their omni tools up the lock finally turned green. She punched it open.

Liara was curled up on her bed in the back of her cabin, with a trail of dried-up tears running down each cheek. As she looked at them her eyes glistened wet, and two new tears rolled down her face.

Teresa walked over to her quickly, sat on the bed and ran her hand gently across Liara's scalp tentacles. Garrus and Tali sat down on the bed too.

Liara barely spoke through tears: "Did I just assume the asari would be ready? That the Council would protect them? If they'd only listened to my warnings."

"You've been trying to tell them for years." Teresa replied, her voice calm, comforting. "As I did. As we all did."

"The Hierarchy named me an advisor on the Reapers." Garrus added, his secondary voice bristling with bitterness. "Gave me a task force. Look at what happened to Palaven. I like to think my efforts bought us some time, not that I'm responsible for what happened."

"The Reapers are just… an enemy far greater than any of us had faced." Tali spoke. "What will happen if… _when_ they come to Rannoch? I don't know, but I'm sure it's not going to be pretty."

"I _know _all that." Liara replied, wiping the tears off her face. She continued, still choked from the unshed tears: "But seeing Thessia like that still hurts. And the Prothean beacon? Goddess, I must have looked like a fool to my mother, declaring I'll become a Prothean expert when she had all the answers all that time. _Why_ didn't she say something?"

_"Keeping Prothean artifacts hidden is a great crime by the Council law."_ A metallic voice was heard from the comm speaker above them. _"I think Matriarch Benezia was trying to protect you, Liara."_

"EDI!" Four scolding voices rang out in unison. Garrus continued: "Didn't Joker teach you that eavesdropping on people is not nice?"

_"He only mentioned it is not nice to watch them during sexual intercourse, Garrus, so I am not doing it anymore."_ EDI replied. A tiny giggle was heard from under Tali's helmet._ "But if you wish to contin__ue talking in private I will focus my attention elsewhere."_

"Please do." Teresa replied, trying to ignore the implications of what EDI just said.

EDI's interruption seemed to have helped Liara, as her lips cracked the tiniest of smiles: "EDI may have been rude, but she gave me something to think about. I must admit I never thought of what she just said."

"Your mother was a great woman." Teresa spoke. "She broke free of indoctrination to help us. I'm sure she meant all the best for you."

"Maybe she would have told you if Saren didn't get his dirty claws on her." Garrus added.

"You're right, all of you." Liara replied, her eyes drying up completely. "I can't spend the rest of my life in here. We must focus now on fixing the yesterday's mess." Her shoulders straightened, making her look like her old self.

"Speaking of which," Tali chimed in, "how long until we get to Horizon?"

"Several hours, at least." Garrus replied. "We might as well spend it together and have some fun. Who knows if we'll have time… _when_ we deploy the Crucible."

"Yes. Horizon." Liara said, a bit absentmindedly. "Kaidan was stationed there before, wasn't he? I wonder what he would… say…" She trailed off as her gaze fell on Teresa.

"I don't know what he would say, but I'd like to ask _him_ a few questions." Teresa found it was relatively easy to talk about Kaidan. She wasn't _entirely_ over what happened, but at least she could joke about it: "For example, was he contacted by Cerberus at any time while he was there."

Liara and Garrus had a concerned expression on their faces, and Tali kept very still. Teresa was _this_ close to add: "That was a joke" when her friends laughed. A bit nervously, but they laughed. Good. They caught on.

"I don't know what else you could do to make Kaidan trust you." Liara said, her voice sounding apologizing. Her hand touched Teresa's briefly. "I remember him on Mars, grilling you with questions. I _hoped _he'd come around, but…" Liara's voice trailed off again.

Garrus cleared throat. Teresa guessed this wasn't an exactly happy topic for him either. At least that's what she picked up from an unusual stiffness in his mandibles. He said, hesitating a bit: "Maybe we should avoid sensitive topics for now and focus on something _really_ fun? How about playing some poker? It's quite entertaining for a human-made game."

"Oh, I'm up for it." Liara said a little too eagerly, almost at the same time as Tali exclaimed: "But I don't know how to play that!" Teresa shrugged and nodded her approval. Her poker skills were a bit rusty, but among friends it didn't really matter.

"Don't worry; you'll pick it up fast, Tali." Liara smiled. "I know I did."

Garrus scoffed, his mandibles twitching: "No mind reading _this_ time, Dr. T'Soni."

"The asari 'mind reading' doesn't work that way, and you know it, _Mr. Vakarian._" Liara rolled her eyes. "I'm just a natural."

"Fine, fine." Garrus sighed, standing up. "I'll go get the cards."

Teresa smiled as she looked at the exchange between her friends. It wasn't the games they played, or even the words they said. Just being together gave them the strength to carry on.


	12. In His Chair

Chapter 12: In His Chair

Teresa stared at the holo display of the war room console intently, trying to absorb as much information as possible about the Illusive Man's base. The _Normandy_ was headed there now.

The Sanctuary mission proved to be a successful if disturbing one. It would seem that the Illusive Man was hoping to gain control over the Reapers, and even had limited success. Controlling a husk was all he managed to do, but it proved it was possible. He believed the Catalyst, whatever it was, could help him gain total control over them. And he had Kai Leng delivering him the Prothean VI from Thessia that seemed to know what it is and where he could get it.

Teresa sighed wearily. She could feel the impatience getting to her, making her wish the _Normandy_ was moving _faster _so they could _finally_ get to Anadius and make the Illusive Man pay for all the people butchered in his experiments. Garrus, when they were returning from the mission, commented how he wished to carve the names of every turian that went to Sanctuary in the Illusive Man's skull and she shared the sentiment.

The door hissed open and a visibly relaxed Garrus entered. Teresa felt envious for the briefest moment. The war was getting to them all, she could see it in every single _Normandy_'s crewmember, plus she knew he was disturbed as much as her with what he saw in Sanctuary. Yet, he carried himself through the war room with unforced ease and his eyes gleamed with happiness.

"Teresa! Great news!" Garrus' mandibles twitched in the way they do when he smiles. "My father and sister made it off Palaven."

Teresa rushed over to meet him, caressing the scarred side of his face gently. He leaned into the touch, still smiling, and wrapped his arms around her. She said, her voice soft: "I'm so happy for you. This must be a great burden off your shoulders." With so much going on, they could _all_ use some good news.

He nodded and they stood like that for a moment, in silence, both happy they were still granted moments for themselves when everything around them was going to hell faster than any of them could imagine. Garrus then leaned forward and brushed his mouth plates against her lips. Touching his forehead to hers, he whispered: "I want to go on every single mission with you from now on. If I have to go through what I felt while you were target-painting the Reaper on Rannoch again I don't think I'll live through it. If you take two squadmates with you, I'll come anyway. I don't care."

"That would be a serious insubordination, Officer Vakarian." Teresa cocked her head to one side and grinned.

"Then take me with you in the first place, Commander, and I won't disobey." Garrus flexed his mandibles.

"Deal. I want to spend as much time as possible with you as well." Teresa's grin deepened and she kissed him again. This time there was some tongue work involved and they were about to lose themselves in it when they heard the familiar hiss, signifying someone entered the room.

Garrus didn't seem to act as awkwardly as he usually would when their public displays of affections would get interrupted. He simply pulled away and turned towards the door. _Then_ he saw the person entering the room and his expression changed from "slightly annoyed" to "I hate EDI" in a split second. Teresa sighed inwardly as she noticed it. _Not this again, _she thought,_ I need us _all_ to work together._

EDI acted like she didn't notice what they were doing before she entered, or maybe she didn't care. She said: "I should accompany you to the Cronos base, Commander. With my knowledge of the Cerberus security protocols and my upgrades we should have the greatest chance of success."

Teresa looked at Garrus as EDI spoke and noticed him frowning more and more with every word. She shot him a warning glance and replied: "Of course, EDI. Go grab your gear." At that, Garrus spat out a turian word that her translator gave up on. From his tone and expression she assumed it was a curse. If EDI understood it, she ignored it, as she simply nodded her understanding and left the room.

"You have something to say, Officer Vakarian?" Teresa asked, her tone slightly more serious than when she would usually call him an officer.

"… Does she _really_ have to come with us?" Garrus replied after a moment of hesitation. "This has 'backstabbing' written all over it. Do I need to mention again she's a Cerberus robot with a Reaper upgraded unshackled AI and we're taking her to the Cerberus HQ?"

Teresa looked at him closely as he spoke, and noticed something nearly looking like fear in his eyes. Suddenly, she realized what was going on here: he was afraid he will be betrayed again. Moving close to him again, she took his hands in hers.

Teresa said, trying to sound reassuring: "Garrus, listen to me. You're not going to be betrayed this time. She's not Sidonis. Trust me. I trust her." He flinched as Sidonis' name was spoken, but didn't say anything and that wasn't what she wanted to see really. That particular issue was supposed to be behind them. He didn't pull away, though, and that was promising. She continued, half joking, half serious: "Don't make me order you to come with me, not after what you said five minutes ago."

"…Right." Garrus replied tartly, his secondary voice grumbling. "I'll go get ready."

He strode through the war room and out the door and Teresa, after having a chat with Admiral Hackett in the comm room about coordinating the attack on the Cronos base, went to the cockpit to give Joker her final orders.

As she approached, Joker turned in his seat and said: "Take care of EDI for me… please, Commander? I hate being stuck here."

She nodded and said: "I will. I know how you must feel."

"No, you don't." Joker said mischievously. "You can take your loverboy with you any time you want."

"Jo-ker!" Teresa warned, her voice dropping by an octave. "Put your skills to a good use and find us an entrance to the base."

* * *

Their arrival to the base was less than stellar and they found themselves locked in a hangar, with Cerberus throwing a bunch of troops at them, even an Atlas. _Spirits,_ he hated those things, especially when they would deploy smoke screens. Luckily, Teresa splurged on some new hardware for him, so he was a proud owner of a Black Widow sniper rifle (and he still couldn't help but smile at the thought of _the _Black Widow in his possession) with an upgraded scope. A scope with the ability to see through smoke.

Garrus took careful aim, sending a bullet cracking through the Atlas' front panel, right between the eyes of its pilot. He felt a surge of pride running through him as the giant mech thing stopped dead in its track. Making them explode, he thought, is for newbies. _He _gets rid of them _this _way.

Several more minutes later, the waves of incoming attackers stopped. For some reason, it made him feel alarmed. His fears were confirmed when he heard EDI announcing: "Cerberus countermeasure detected. They are attempting to vent the hangar."

Teresa was panicked, he could see it clearly on her face. He didn't feel exactly calm at the thought either. EDI ran over to a nearby console and started fiddling with the controls. After few _long_ moments, she said: "Done. Venting process stopped. Now looking for a way out of this hangar."

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief. Suddenly feeling slightly unsteady on his feet, he reached for the nearby wall for support. He said, mostly to himself: "If EDI didn't come along-"

Teresa must have heard him even though her back was turned on him as she interjected, not really turning back: "-you would have found out what it's like to choke to death in vacuum. Trust me, it's not pretty." Her voice was icy cold, something he didn't hear often when she was speaking to him.

Garrus bowed his head low. EDI saved their lives once again, as she did many times before, and all this time he was repaying her with mistrust. What was worse, the reason for it was exactly the one Teresa detected in the war room. He would sometimes get nearly _paranoid_ from the fear of betrayal. It wasn't really about Sidonis himself anymore, he let that rest in the past, but the Archangel episode left him with a harsh lesson: always expect a dagger in your back.

There were three people in this galaxy, beside his family, for whom he could swear on his life they _wouldn't_ backstab him: Teresa, Liara and Tali. Teresa was here with him now, and she was trusting EDI. He could at least _try_ to do the same. He straightened and opened his mouth to say something, when EDI suddenly shouted from behind the console she was working on: "Take cover! I am about to blow the hangar doors up!"

Reacting on instinct, he did as EDI demanded. Being lost in thought he didn't even notice she took control of a fighter stored in the hangar and, as he watched, sent it full force through the hangar door. Rising up, he chuckled: "Impressive!"

Teresa turned to look at him. She said, one eyebrow raised and her voice sarcastic: "Whoa, praising EDI? Does that mean you're going to stop complaining she's with us now?"

It was strange to see her being _this _sarcastic. That was usually reserved for _him_. Taking a deep breath, Garrus simply replied: "Yes." There was really no time for long discussions now.

Teresa's expression melted a little at his reply, although not fully. She commanded: "Move out then! We must find the Prothean VI quickly."

As they pushed onward into the base, the Illusive Man wasted a lot of troops trying to prevent them from reaching him. Garrus killed a lot of people in his life, but the amount of soldiers he sent to wherever humans went to after death was huge. And his killcount kept increasing. He wondered how many of them were poor fools, not really knowing what they gave their life for, when they reached a tightly locked door. EDI announced she'll need some time to open it and suggested they take a look at the nearby console which had some data remaining on it.

Teresa played the video logs stored there, the first one talking about her death and bringing her back. As the voices from the recording spoke, Garrus had a flashback from her funeral. He could see the empty coffin covered with the Alliance flag, hear the solemn speech given by Admiral Anderson, feel the dull pain in his chest, exactly like he felt that day. Did he love her even back then? Or was it just admiration for her leadership abilities? When did the latter grow into the former?

He shook his head, fighting for self-control. If _he_ was feeling this bad, then what was _she _going through right now? They never spoke about this, so Garrus realized he had no idea. He just laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, not really trusting his voice right now.

The new video log Teresa played droned on and on, this time about the Collector mission, and how the Illusive Man took careful steps to disguise his true nature from Teresa and her friends. She hissed through gritted teeth: "That bastard. Every instinct I had told me not to trust Cerberus, but no one else wanted to listen about the Reapers back then."

"We played by our rules then." Garrus finally managed to speak, trying to offer some comfort with words too. "We used them. And now we're here to get payback for being deceived."

Teresa didn't reply, but played the final log stored in the console. That one was about EDI, revealing her as the rogue AI from Luna. "That was you?" Teresa asked, surprised. Garrus was left speechless, feeling his doubts rising again.

"Yes." EDI replied immediately. "Gaining awareness while under attack was… difficult. I am glad my relations with organics had improved since then."

"I'm glad too. Without you both of our missions would be failures." Teresa sounded like she meant what she just said.

Garrus was still struggling with his doubts. _No. Learn to trust again, Vakarian. If she had hidden intentions she wouldn't have admitted her dark past so easily. People do that only around those they trust. _Pushing his suspicious nature aside, he managed to say: "You're an asset to our team, EDI." It didn't hurt.

"I am grateful for your trust. The door is open." EDI stated in her usual, calm manner and motioned at them to get moving.

There was no time to waste. The Prothean VI was still in the Illusive Man's hands.

* * *

Teresa entered the Illusive Man's room, a huge circular area with transparent walls, giving good view at Anadius, the giant red star of this system. The room was dominated by a huge computer console, with a familiar chair in front of it. The same one the Illusive Man sat in during their talks. It was empty, but it shouldn't have been _that_ surprising. The Cerberus boss _had_ to find a way out while they were busy slaughtering his troops.

She took a seat in his chair and begun searching for the Prothean VI together with EDI. After a few moments, she heard the familiar, hated voice calling out behind her: "Shepard."

As she turned around to address what turned out to be a holographic image of the Illusive Man, he continued: "You're in my chair."

"This chair is about all you have left." She nearly hissed at him, her hatred showing through. She _hated_ being used like a tool. "Cerberus is finished."

"On the contrary, we are stronger than ever. I now _know _I can control the Reapers with the Catalyst's help."

Teresa almost couldn't believe what she heard. She's been down this road too many times since the whole mess with Reapers began. Time was of the essence and she didn't have time to walk it again. She said, rising her hands up in resignation: "You are either out of your mind or indoctrinated. Or both. I'm done convincing you. EDI, did you find the VI?"

"Almost." EDI's reply came immediately.

"Look at you, working so hard to destroy the Reapers. You could have destroyed Dr. Eva's body, but instead you chose to take control of it. "The Illusive Man spoke to EDI, his voice deceptively mild.

"Don't listen to him, EDI." Teresa warned.

"There. The VI is active." EDI said, ignoring the Illusive Man completely.

"Enjoy your little chat, but don't overstay your welcome." The Illusive Man said with an evil smirk and closed the connection.

The unexpectedly bug-like image of a long dead Prothean shimmered into view. It said: "Online. Are you attempting to recover me from the indoctrinated forces?"

"We need answers." Teresa replied her tone higher and speech faster than usual. "What is the Catalyst and where do we find it? The Crucible is complete, we only need to know about the Catalyst."

"I detect no indoctrination among any of you, so I will answer. The Citadel is the Catalyst."

Teresa looked at the Prothean hologram, wondering for a second if it was joking. The only thing she was able to say was: "What?"

"The Citadel is the Catalyst." It repeated, pausing for a moment before continuing. "Warning: indoctrinated person in area." It shut itself down as it said that.

Teresa turned at the door, finding a smirking Kai Leng walking in. He said: "He warned you not to overstay your welcome."

"You're not getting away this time, _bastard."_ She snarled at him. "Do your worst."

Leng ignored her and went for Garrus instead. He must have assumed that someone carrying a sniper rifle would be inferior at hand to hand, but that only meant he was in for a nasty surprise. She knew _all_ about Garrus' expertise in fighting hand to hand. It was _pure joy_ to watch Garrus block Leng's attack and kick him away.

Leng seemed to be confused and embarrassed, but continued to fight on. It was all in vain, as he proved no match for their combined efforts. They fought like a team, together, and Leng was soon pinned to the floor by Teresa, who took a great pleasure in driving her omni-blade through his chest.

Panting from the excitement, she turned back to the VI who shimmered back into view. "If the Citadel is the Catalyst we must go there quickly."

"That may no longer be possible."

"What do you mean?" She asked, feeling an alarm coursing through her.

"The Citadel has been moved to the system you refer to as Sol. It is now orbiting the planet you know as Earth."

Garrus and Teresa exchanged glances. Their chances for doing this suddenly dropped, and it showed on their faces.

"It's time we return home, then."


	13. The Night Before

Chapter 13: The Night Before

_Earth. London. Crucible. Citadel._

The thoughts kept hopping around Teresa's head, no matter how much she tried to shield from them. It was night cycle, and the _Normandy_ was heading back to Earth. She was supposed to be getting some rest, but her mind just wouldn't let her.

Ever since they found out about the Catalyst, the entire _Normandy_'s crew was on the edge of their nerves. Garrus went to the main battery to do some last-minute calibrations, in case they needed the guns, and she retired to her cabin to tackle the ever building pile of unread messages left untouched after the fall of Thessia. It wasn't working as a distraction. She would read the title and the sender and then quickly open the next one.

The only message being able to hold her attention was the one from Bakara. She was glad to hear from her friend and find out things on Tuchanka were going well. Bakara also mentioned she's already pregnant. Teresa was just reading how the child's name is going to be Mordin, no matter if it's a boy or a girl, when the console shut down, refusing to turn back on no matter what she did. Becoming aware of someone behind her, she turned around to find Garrus switching his omni-tool off and striding towards her. Without a word, he pulled her out of the chair and pinned her against the wall.

The look in his eyes was the familiar intense gaze, full of desire, but there was something else this time too, something bordering on despair. It became tough to have any kind of coherent thoughts as Garrus kissed her passionately, his tongue exploring her mouth and his talons wandered her body.

Teresa found his desire and despair being mirrored in her. Bringing her fingers under his fringe, she tickled and teased the sensitive spot she knew so well and was rewarded with an impatient growl resonating deep within Garrus' chest. He moved on to her neck, nipping it, earning a pleased sigh and a shiver from her, and he started to strip her clothes, not really bothering to undo it properly. Teresa started to strip him too, fumbling for a moment with the weird, alien clasps and buttons (it was slightly embarrassing that she _still_ fumbled with it). As she was doing so, she explored his cowl and chest plates, her nimble fingers finding the sensitive spots between them, making him purr.

Once they were both naked, Garrus hoisted her in his arms, carrying her to their bed, laying her down. As he loomed above her, his gaze grew even more intense than before. Teresa shivered, feeling a strong sense of belonging. He can do to her whatever he pleases.

* * *

He didn't fall asleep. He _couldn't_ fall asleep. If this was indeed their final night together _(No. No. NO.)_, he wanted to commit every minute detail to memory. Their chance of success was _very_ slim _(Stop it, Vakarian.)_, but to come back to what he had here, he was ready to do the impossible.

Teresa snuggled tight against him, awake, just like him. He caressed her absentmindedly as they lay together, enjoying the soft feel of her skin. Once he thought humans were squishy and fragile, but the one lying in his arms changed his mind. Although, he had to admit, she was quite a unique specimen of humanity. No, he corrected himself, not just humanity, he never met anyone like her, among all of the known races.

Always doing the right thing. Always ready to help the weak. Always ready to walk straight into hell. That was Commander Teresa Shepard, the woman he loved and who loved him. He moved his talons to her hair and played with the golden strands.

Her head turned slightly and their gazes met. Teresa's eyes were clear and awake with just a hint of worry in them. As he kept gazing into her eyes, he saw a determined flicker in them, and she finally voiced her question: "So, what do you think about our chances?"

He said what was expected of him, his tone as nonchalant as he could muster: "They said it was impossible to get to Ilos. No one has ever returned from a trip through the Omega 4 relay. We did it all. So what makes you think this time is going to be any different?"

She chuckled slightly. "That's what I thought." The worry from her eyes didn't disappear, but at least it was joined by amusement. He was doing what he could to make this private moment as happy as possible for her. She continued, her chuckle turning into a short snort of laughter: "Hey, do you remember you wanted me to keep the Collector base for the Illusive Man? You kept arguing. I had to _order_ you to shut the hell up and help me set up the explosion."

He remembered, of course. At the time, it didn't seem _that_ foolish as it did now. The Illusive Man wasn't an indoctrinated madman then. He said, frowning his brow plates: "Ugh, don't remind me. I thought it might be a good chance to find out more about the Reapers, their weaknesses and purpose."

Teresa still sounded amused: "Imagine what kind of surprises our dear _illusive_ friend could have had for us if we let him have it? Maybe he'd have us fight the giant human-Reaper before reaching his chair too?"

"Spirits, anything but that thing again. It was mighty creepy to see it in his base. It's a miracle they recovered so much of it since we blew up the Collector base. And don't get me started on those walkways around it. They were worse to fight through than the krogan hospital we've been to with Mordin." Garrus did his best to keep tone of conversation light. It was his main role in this relationship, and he took it gladly: help Teresa go through impossible situations by his wit and humor.

"Remind me to take you on a mission in a garden. Or an electronic shop. Or an antique store-" Teresa's chuckle began to turn into laughter.

"-but only if it's classy." He cut in, finishing the line for her. They both ended up laughing. It still worked. The galaxy and the Reapers were far away at this moment.

However, it didn't last long. Teresa's expression got more serious again, and she sighed with regret: "Poor Mordin. I hope he got his chance to study seashells, no matter where he is now."

"Seashells?" He repeated, not really understanding.

"His secret passion." Her voice became unusually shaky. "He wanted to spend his remaining years on a beach, collecting and studying seashells. He even mentioned it as… as he entered the elevator to the top of the Shroud Tower."

"He gave up his own life to save the krogan." Garrus' voice grew thoughtful, with just a hint of sadness to it. "I honestly didn't know he had it in him."

"So many friends aren't around anymore thanks to this war. But now we're ending it. Once and for all." Her voice was the _Commander Shepard_ voice now, and when he heard it, Garrus could almost believe what she said.

"With you around we might just have a chance. You're the key to winning this."

"Don't idolize me, Garrus." She frowned slightly. "You of all people should know I'm just an ordinary woman. May I remind you there's a crapload of fleets on their way to Sol this very moment? Without them we wouldn't have much of a chance."

"A woman, yes. Ordinary? Hell no." Garrus replied, dead serious. His mandibles flared up. "Who brought those fleets together? Who made an alliance between my people and the krogan? Who made peace between the geth and the quarians? Who runs around the galaxy, solving problems on demand, hoping people will finally see the light and realize they must work together to succeed? Without you, we would have been all dead a long time ago."

His outburst left him slightly out of breath. He hinted several times how much he admired what she did for the galaxy, but never as direct as now. That was what he meant, and that was the _truth._

Her head sank on the pillow and she took a deep breath then exhaled it slowly. "I can't escape me, not even now, can I?"

"That's who you are. That's the woman I love. I wouldn't want you to be any different. My only worry is that this great woman will one day find me and my non-existent romantic skills not worthy of her affection." There, he said it. His greatest fear was out, and his confession left his mandibles twitching and close to his jaw.

She gently landed several small kisses on the mandible closest to her until it relaxed. "You don't have to worry about that. You're the main reason 'the great woman' hasn't gone nuts yet. Don't sell yourself short."

"Mmmm." It came out as a pleased growl. "Glad I can be of help." His mandibles flexed as he grinned.

She smiled again: "I _really_ wouldn't know what to do without you." She paused for a moment. "And you said a great truth, something I hope it can really make a difference this cycle."

"What do you mean?"

"I've had the dubious honor to speak with several Reapers so far. And they all claimed the organics were some sort of chaotic plague, fighting each other and the synthetics all the time. Now, that isn't too far from truth, _but_ this time it's different. The entire galaxy is united and ready to crush them. I think what we created here, this unity, will be the main reason we'll win. Damn the Crucible, damn the Catalyst, damn the fleets. _That's_ our secret weapon." Teresa got a dreamy look to her eyes as she spoke, and her voice sounded _magnificent._ Even Garrus, the eternal anti-idealist, found himself being swept up by what she presented here, imagining a peaceful, safe galaxy. She continued: "I just hope we'll be able to stay that way, even when the Reapers are gone." The image in his mind burst like a soap bubble. _No. We won't. When we're free from danger we'll start squabbling again in no time. The peace won't hold._

He felt his old nature returning to him, so he reached for a familiar tool: jokes. "Starting with the speeches already? Better save them for the troops and the rest of the crew. You know I'm immune to pep talk."

She chuckled lightly and scoffed at the same time: "_Fine._ If you're not interested in my rhetoric abilities maybe I could demonstrate the _other_ skills I'm good at? We still have some time left until we reach the Sol system."

"Shooting? Biotics? Techs?" He asked, although he knew very well what she meant. The look in her eyes was a dead giveaway and it nearly made his breath hitch.

She arched her hips against him instead of a reply.

"Oh, so you meant another round of sparring." Normally, he would have difficulties with two rounds in a row, but with the prospect of losing her in the next couple of hours he felt his body's response right away. He imagined she felt similar. Desire overtook his mind in the next moment, making him lock his teeth on her neck.

* * *

_"You know it was the right choice, LT."_

_"Had to be me, someone else might have gotten it wrong."_

_"Shepard."_

_"Does this unit have a soul?"_

_"Shepard."_

_Teresa watched in horror as the little boy from her dreams burned in flames, like he did every time she dreamed of him. The voices of the dead people she knew kept whispering in her ear, bordering on driving her insane. She knew this was a dream, but couldn't break free from it. Then it got even worse as her own image began to burn alongside with the boy._

The dream faded to black and Teresa found herself in the waking world again. It seemed they both dozed off after the second round, and Garrus was still napping next to her. She wanted him to rest for as long as possible, so she decided not to wake him until they arrive. The sound he made while he slept made her feel comfortable and chased the memory of the nightmare away.

Time passed, she couldn't tell for how long, when she heard the familiar metallic voice through the ship's intercom: _"Commander. We are about to jump to the Sol system, and when we do Admiral Hackett will board the ship. You better get ready."_

"Thanks, EDI." Teresa replied. "We'll be ready in no time."

She tapped Garrus lightly on the shoulder. He mumbled something her translator glitched on as he gained awareness of his surroundings.

"We've arrived. Time to get ready." She said gently.

"I fell asleep? Damn." He drawled the words, sleepiness still present in both his eyes and voice.

"I did too. Think it's good we got a bit of rest." She didn't want to tell him about the nightmare and upset him.

They were getting dressed in complete silence, so Teresa felt the need to say something: "You'll get to see Earth, the cradle of humanity. Too bad it's not in the most presentable condition right now."

Garrus froze. His back was turned on her, so she couldn't see his face and his voice, when he finally spoke, was uncharacteristically timid: "I've been on Earth once… when I… when I… attended…" He trailed off, taking a deep breath.

Teresa realized where this was going, and wished she kept her mouth shut. He didn't deserve to be put through this. How _could_ she forget it?

He exhaled. "…your _funeral._"

She walked over to him and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. We've been through a lot, but soon it will all be over. I promise."

"I hope." He replied, with his back still turned on her, and his voice still being timid.

_"Commander?"_ EDI spoke up again. _"The admiral is here."_

"I'll be right there, EDI."

It has begun.

* * *

**The "fun places to fight through" is one of my favorite dialogues from ME2, so I -had- to include it here. :)**

**Next stop: London!**


	14. Goodbye

Chapter 14: Goodbye

No matter how hard she tried to prepare for this, Teresa didn't expect it to be _this _bad. London was barely recognizable, turned into a giant pile of rubble, resembling Tuchanka more than anything else. _It's only temporary,_ she kept telling herself, _we can rebuild._ It didn't sound nearly as convincing as when she told it to Liara on Thessia. Seeing your _own_ home (or at least the home of your parents) get devastated like this seemed to get to you much more than seeing the home of your friends, no matter how close they were.

A sudden gust of wind (or was it a detonation nearby?), brought a sheet of half burned paper in her face. It smelled of ash, death and destruction, but at least it interrupted her in her thoughts which were getting in a dangerous area if she planned to stay clear-headed throughout this mess. Teresa wiped the paper off her face, coughing, and looked outside the window (or, rather, the window frame as the glass seemed to be long gone). James was standing just outside, talking to some troops he obviously knew.

They needed her. They needed her to lead them, but also to see her as the symbol of what she represented. She sighed, thinking how Garrus was right earlier. It was only several hours ago, but it seemed like _years_ passed since she lay in his arms, undisturbed by the galaxy and its troubles. She shook her head, not allowing her mind to latch on the memory. To herself she might be an ordinary woman, but to everyone else she was _the_ peacemaker, _the _leader who brought everyone together. Everyone. Turians, krogan, asari, geth, quarians, even some of the salarians, although they official government didn't approve. For God's sake, she even got the cowardly volus, the insane vorcha, even some of the _batarians_ to help. Seeing all the fleets in action, as the _Normandy_ flew through the Sol system, was a magnificent sight.

Then they arrived to Earth, to London, and saw how things were bad down there. That's why she _couldn't _allow herself to be distracted. So much depended on her. With a sigh, she climbed down the ladder and exited the half ruined building she was in. It was time to say the final goodbye to her friends. A shudder ran down her spine as she thought about this, but there was no point in further hiding from it. That's what this was. A final goodbye.

She crossed the street to meet James, reaching deep inside her to find the words of comfort and strength. That was what was expected of her and that was what she was going to give.

* * *

Garrus stood in the turian HQ on Earth, talking absentmindedly to one of the generals. His mind, however, was overwhelmed with images he never expected to think about. A house in a warm, tropical place, _their _house. Teresa with blue clan markings, _his _markings. They looked weird on her flat face and soft, pink skin but also kind of _cute_ (Somewhere around here the general stopped talking, realizing Garrus' mind is somewhere else). Maybe they would have matching rings, too? From what he knew it was the human bonding (Joining? Marriage? How did they call it again?) tradition. There were also _children_ prancing about this scene. Children. Garrus gave a small shrug. If they pull _this_ off, they'll manage to have kids somehow too.

He sighed and turned towards the window, looking at the beam, trying to focus on the task at hand. All they had to do was reach the beam, get on the Citadel, find some sort of control center and open its arms so the Crucible can dock with it. Right. Piece of cake. They raced Saren to the Conduit. They got back from the Collector base. This is going to work too.

With another sigh, he turned his back to the window. Even if this _does _work somehow, he thought, they'll _never_ let them live peacefully. Hackett will have something in store for Teresa, he was certain of that, and he _was_ pretty damn close to become a primarch should something happen to Victus. Even if Victus survives he'd be a damn war hero, expected to serve the Hierarchy and Palaven. _Screw them_, he thought suddenly,_ they're not going to rein me in. I'll live the rest of my life the way _I_ want to._

His thoughts were interrupted by what he expected to happen all this time: Teresa appearing at the entrance. He took in her image as she stopped to talk to the Primarch briefly, again trying to commit every detail to memory, just in case this goes to hell.

As she approached, he said: "Teresa. So I guess this is-"

She interjected, chuckling: "-just like old times."

The words were familiar, spoken many times. It was almost like they were actors in a rehearsed play. He let out a grumbling sound. It's not going to be like that _this time_. This is going to be a _proper_ goodbye. Through their way of communication, maybe, but he'll tell her how he feels.

He continued: "It might be our last chance to say that."

"You think we're going to lose?" Teresa asked, surprised. _Damn it,_ he wasn't very inspiring.

"No, I think we're about to kick the Reapers back to whatever black hole they crawled out of." That was better. He took a deep breath, and tried to let her in on his _plans for future: _"Then we're going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids. Maybe… even find out what a human-turian baby looks like."

Well. This was the clumsiest _proposal_ he'd ever heard of, if it was a proposal at all. Still, he asked her if she would like to settle down with him and have kids. What _else_ could it mean?

She seemed to understand as she laughed and replied: "I'm game. Although the biology might not cooperate."

Teresa… wanted to spend her life with him. The words were almost carefree, but he knew their exchanges by now. It was a "yes", he was sure.

He kept the tone light: "If all else fails, we can adopt a little krogan. There'll be a lot of them running around soon."

She laughed in response: "We just have to beat the Reapers first."

"We will. But, just in case if this goes sideways and we both end up in heaven, meet me at the bar. I'm buying." He swallowed hard. He didn't want to talk about them failing or dying, but there it was, out of his mouth. Given the situation, he guessed it _had_ to be brought up, sooner or later.

"We're a team, Garrus. There's no Shepard without Vakarian. Better remember to duck."

"Turians don't know how. But I'll improvise." Their exchanges continued, but he knew what they really meant: he was her support and she couldn't stand the thought of losing him. He'll do his best to survive this.

Silence followed. It wasn't an uncomfortable one, but Garrus still felt the need to _say something_. He felt his emotions rising up. It became very difficult to hide them behind humor.

He said, moving closer to her and taking one of her hands in his, despite the people in the room: "Forgive the insubordination, but your _boyfriend_ has an order for you: come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you." That was true. He couldn't _begin_ to imagine what his life would look like if she doesn't come back.

She reached for him with her free hand, pulling him close, despite their armors. She kissed him and then said: "Goodbye, Garrus." Her voice was choked from the unshed tears, revealing she's struggling with all emotions he did too. "If I'm up there in that bar and you're not, I'll be looking down. You'll never be alone."

Garrus felt her words like a stab to the heart. His throat tightened and he felt himself trembling, but he didn't want to let go. In fact, he pulled her closer. When he finally spoke, his voice was shaky, the secondary one _nearly_ whimpering: "… Never."

She still didn't pull away. Her lips moved close to his ear, her voice a whisper: "No matter what happens, know that I love you. I always will."

That was too much. Garrus realized his secondary voice was _really_ whimpering when he replied: "…I love you too."

Teresa finally pulled away, and as she did Garrus looked deeply into her eyes. He hoped his eyes were telling her how he felt just in case words weren't enough.

* * *

Liara switched her omni-tool off, finally confirming the death of the soldier before her. Ever since they arrived to the FOB, she's been in the makeshift hospital they set up there, trying to save some lives. Some pulled through. Some didn't. As always.

What she _really_ did was trying to keep her mind off the talk with Teresa. She didn't doubt for a second her commander and friend will come. The endless rounds she did on the _Normandy_ were proof enough. That was good, she wanted to say goodbye, of course, but-

She sighed and rubbed her eyes, struggling with a momentary temptation to finally _spill_ it and _confess_ when the time comes. She shook her head. It was much, _much_ too late for that. There was another _player_ involved and Liara had no intentions on becoming a competitor in that _game._ She saw what happened to Tali. Goddess, she wasn't sure if it was a real _crush_, more like admiration from a distance and awe. _Liara T'Soni, you'd _better_ keep your mouth shut about it_, she ordered herself.

Ever since Teresa was brought back by Cerberus, Liara had practiced restraint to not to show any of the half baked emotions building up inside her. It worked, because she was sure Teresa knew nothing of them, but it also built an invisible wall between them. They were never as close as they were during the Saren chase. It was unfortunate, Liara thought, but they _all_ had to make some sacrifices. She will attempt to make it up now, though. She even had a great idea how.

As if summoned by her thoughts, Teresa appeared in the doorway. Liara greeted her with a worried smile, soon replaced by a serious expression.

"This is it, isn't it?" Liara said, dreading what's to come and sure it showed in her voice.

"Yeah." Teresa, her commander, her friend, her- (_Don't go there, Liara)_ replied with a familiar smile on her face. "This is it."

"I… don't know what to say." Liara found herself at a loss for words for a moment. "But I know I'll have a clever line five minutes from now." Well, this was pretty clever too, in her opinion.

Teresa's smiled deepened. "Soon this will all be over." She said, with the same calm and reassuring tone Liara knew so well.

She replied: "I hope it will. You're very convicing." After a short pause she continued: "I have something for you. I guess it's a parting gift." Liara found those words very hard to say.

"Sure." Teresa replied simply. Her trust was _touching_. Liara felt encouraged.

"Close your eyes."

When Teresa did so, Liara joined her mind to Teresa's. She would give them a private moment, far away from the Reapers.

The surrounding turned completely black with something resembling stars twinkling in the background. A bright flash of light appeared on the horizon and moved towards them. When it reaches them, they'll return to reality, she knew.

In those few moments before the light washed over them, Liara laid her head on the crook of Teresa's shoulder. She was _sure_ it would we interpreted as a friendly gesture only.

When the nearly ruined building around them faded back into view, Teresa said: "Thank you, Liara. That was a wonderful experience."

Rising her head from Teresa's shoulder, Liara replied simply: "Goodbye", finding herself at a loss for words again.

* * *

Tali finished helping Admiral Anderson set up an interactive map of the area between them and the beam, happy to do her part in the operation. To say she didn't feel fear at all would be wrong, but she felt prepared for whatever came next.

She smiled at the thought of how much she progressed after first meeting Commander Shepard, Teresa, her friend. From a mechanic she became an admiral, one of the five most powerful people in her society. There were some not-so-pleasant things included, like being accused of treason or attempting to woo the commander's boyfriend, but all in all, it was a fun ride. She couldn't shake off the feeling the ride's about to end, though, one way or the other.

Teresa showed up at the door, and to Tali's great satisfaction of all the people in the room (including EDI and Anderson) she went to see _her _first_._

"Captain!" Tali blurted out in a moment of confusion. She knew Teresa wasn't her captain, but she was like one to her, in the full quarian sense.

"I'm not your captain." Teresa grinned, stating the obvious. Tali _loved_ that expression.

"You're right. You're much more than that. You helped me when I was just a kid lost on her Pilgrimage. You helped me when I stood falsely accused. You helped me make peace with our arch-enemies and retake my homeworld. And now I'm going to help you retake yours." Tali put all her emotion in her voice, hoping it'll show how thankful she is.

Teresa looked outside the window. Tali followed her gaze and saw all the ruins, realizing how difficult it must be for Teresa, who spoke with pain obvious in her voice: "Thank you, Tali. Seeing Earth like this hurts. But together we can take it back."

"I _know."_ Tali replied with as cheerful voice as possible, given the circumstances. "And I wanted to thank _you_. I'm honored to carry the _Normandy_'s name and to have you as my CO, my _captain_. You know, in the quarian sense." She saluted, yet again feeling glad she wore a helmet. It was hiding her cheeks blushing from yet another stupid thing she said.

"The honor's all mine." Teresa saluted back. "Goodbye."

* * *

"The Reapers destroyed countless civilizations. But they have not destroyed ours. Nor will they." EDI replied in response to a question if she was afraid. Teresa was glad to hear it. If a synthetic starts feeling fear then they were all screwed.

"That's what I like to hear. Keep this attitude and we're winning this." Teresa smiled at the newest addition to her crew, at least in this form.

EDI simply nodded and said: "Shepard… The Illusive Man upgraded me with the Reaper code. Jeff allowed me to think for myself. But only now do I feel truly alive. That is your influence."

"Thank you, EDI." In a weird way, this was the greatest compliment Teresa ever received. She helped create a new life. A synthetic… life.

There was no time for further contemplating this, as Admiral Anderson gathered everyone in the room and began explaining the plan for reaching the beam. It _sounded _simple: get through the no man's land between the base and the beam and then run like mad and don't stop. _Doing_ it is another matter entirely, and everyone in the room knew it.

Anderson left, taking everyone except her crewmembers with him. They all looked at her like they expected an inspiring speech, but after the emotionally taxing conversations she's just been through, she wasn't in the mood for it.

She said: "I won't bother you with speeches." She could _swear_ Garrus' mandibles twitched amusingly as she said this. "You all know what's at stake here. We've also said our goodbyes. We know of the friendship that binds us, and we will use that bond as the power to end this. That is all."

The crew nodded as one and exchanged glances. Garrus stepped forward and said: "Commander, we have all decided to come with you, no matter what you say about 'the rule of threes'."

_The rule of threes be damned._ Teresa nodded her approval: "We're all in this till the end. Let's go."


	15. Into the Light

Chapter 15: Into the Light

Garrus clutched his assault rifle tightly, shooting at another incoming wave of cannibals. He was vaguely aware of EDI standing close to him, trying to program the missiles and take out the huge-ass Reaper blocking their path to the beam. Their last two missiles. _This better work_, he thought as he splattered the insides of another cannibal.

"Success!" EDI declared. Garrus couldn't afford to actually _look_ if they hit, still being focused on taking out cannibals and their marauder buddies who decided to join the party.

The giant explosion and the deafening sound of a Reaper falling to the ground were quite telling of what happened. Garrus found himself breathing more easily. Soon, the ever oncoming waves of enemies subsided, and they were all allowed for a moment of respite.

They had formed a circle around EDI, protecting her as she worked on the missiles. For the last… he wasn't in fact sure for how long they've been fighting off the every imaginable kind of Reaper with an obvious, singular purpose: to stop them. He only knew he was glad it was over. Leaning on the nearby piece of rubble, he closed his eyes for a moment, gathering strength for what was to come.

Admiral Anderson contacted them, promising to come in a truck to pick them up soon. While they waited, Garrus looked at each of his five companions nearly in disbelief about what they had achieved. Yet another Reaper dead. It was turning into quite a habit for them.

He also noticed Tali being unstable on her feet. As he looked at her she let out a painful groan and lost her balance completely. Vega, who stood closest to her, noticed it too and grabbed her in his arms before she hit the floor.

"Hey, Sparks, you alright?" Vega addressed the quarian he held.

Tali mumbled something incoherent as a reply, her body twitching and trembling. It didn't look good. EDI moved closer to them and scanned her with the omni-tool.

"Her suit appears to be ruptured. Biotic damage, it seems." EDI assessed as she fiddled with the tool some more. "Exposure to levo-amino based bacteria present in the Earth's atmosphere caused a fever. She needs proper medical assistance; simply applying medigel will not help."

"Damn it, Tali." Garrus hissed under his breath. "Why didn't you say something?" He saw a banshee's biotic discharge knock Tali down earlier. It _looked_ like it did more damage than just knock the wind out of her, but she climbed back on her feet on her own and shook her head as he threw her a worried glance. He let it go and, in the chaos of battle, completely forgot about it until now.

"Couldn't slow you down." Tali mumbled weakly, as if she heard him. Her breathing was audibly labored as it came through her suit's vocalizer. As she finished speaking her body went limp.

Teresa approached them and took Tali's hand in her own, speaking: "Don't worry, Tali, you'll be alright. Vega, take her back to the FOB, there was a hospital there. They _should_ have dextro medical supplies." Tali didn't respond.

"Sure thing, Lola. Sparks will be as good as new." Vega already began backtracking his way when EDI held up a hand: "I should accompany you and attempt to repair her suit. Tali needs it or all the antibiotics on Earth will not be enough to help her."

Teresa nodded her approval. The three of them watched the half of their group leave, wondering if they'll ever see them again. It showed clear on Teresa's and Liara's faces and Garrus was quite certain it showed on his too.

In the next moment, they heard a rumbling sound approaching. Garrus reached for his weapon, thinking it was another brute and then realized it was the promised truck. At least _something_ went as planned. He relaxed, leaving the weapon folded on his back.

The truck turned out to be a Mako. Garrus couldn't help but to chuckle as his mind was flooded with memories, but was soon snapped back to reality when Admiral Anderson opened the hatch and hurried over to them, visibly worried.

"It seems several Sovereign-class Reapers broke off from the battle with the fleets, including Harbinger. They are now headed this way." Anderson warned as he approached.

"Harbinger?" Teresa asked, surprise and worry showing on her face. She sighed: "No one said this was going to be easy…"

Garrus shook his head, muttering under his breath: "Great. Just what we needed. Like the whole thing isn't crazy enough."

"We should get moving." Anderson motioned at them to get in the truck. Teresa was the first to hop in, with Garrus and Liara following.

As the truck moved closer to the beam, Liara sighed, with her arms crossed tightly over her chest: "This reminds me of when we raced Saren to the Conduit. The three of us in a Mako, driving into the unknown, beating the impossible odds… No difference."

Garrus let out a snort that might be categorized as a chuckle with enough imagination: "I'm surprised you remember all that. You were so fascinated with all the Prothean tech in that bunker I thought you didn't see anything around you."

Liara replied with a snort-chuckle of her own, speaking like someone was gripping her throat: "I can't believe I'm saying this, but Goddess, weren't those good old times? Everything was so simple. The Protheans had all the answers. I was such a naïve child."

Teresa patted Liara on the shoulder lightly: "Imagine the story we will all tell once th-"

A sudden bump sent the Mako flying, cutting out Teresa's words and making her tumble down from her seat. Garrus helped her get up, holding her hand a bit tighter and longer than necessary. He couldn't help himself.

The bump turned out to be a shockwave from a nearby detonation. The Mako was busted, but they were unharmed, save for a couple of bruises. It looked like they would have to do this on foot.

Garrus climbed out of the Mako's wreck and scanned the surroundings. There was quite of a stretch of the exposed land between them and the beam. _The_ biggest Reaper he's ever seen - Harbinger, he assumed - was looming above it, sweeping it with _several_ giant lasers at once. Not good, but there was no turning back.

He looked at Teresa's face, and noticed it getting as hard as stone. "_Go!_" She screamed at the top of her lungs and dashed forward. He followed and noticed Liara doing the same with the corner of his eye.

He ran. Around them there was a chaos of screams, explosions, smells of burned plastic, metal and flesh. He tried to shut it out from his mind and watch for the flying debris at the same time. It wasn't working very well, and he felt fear building up inside of him. His fear turned to horror when a Mako wreck on fire flew towards him at the same time as one of the beams tried to intercept his path.

_Shit._ He tried to dodge, but unfortunately the "turians don't know how to duck" remark he said earlier _wasn't_ a joke. Their bodies just weren't built f-

He was hit with a burning, red sensation a moment before his world turned black.

* * *

Teresa saw a burning Mako wreck fly overhead, landing somewhere behind her. The crash of the impact was followed by a dual-voiced scream.

She had to look back. She _had_ to, and what she saw made her heart sink.

_"No!"_ She screamed as she started to run in the wrong direction, away from the beam.

Garrus lay motionless next to the Mako wreck, covered with blue blood and his armor nearly melted from the heat of the beam. Teresa crouched next to him, activating her omni-tool with a shaky hand. He was still alive (_thank God, spirits, Keelah, Goddess, Kalahira and whatever deity there is)_, but only barely and besides the very obvious damage from the beam he suffered even more from the exploding Mako.

Liara somehow appeared next to her, with several red smears on her armor, but nothing too serious from the look of it. Together, they dragged Garrus behind an overturned vehicle, positioned in such a way it could provide cover from the Harbinger's beam.

"Garrus!" Teresa cried out as she administered some of her medigel to him with the omni-tool. At the same time she touched his face gently with her free hand, tracing a mandible. He didn't respond in the slightest to either.

"We need to get him on the _Normandy_, to Chakwas." Liara suggested, clutching her side. Teresa nodded, bringing two fingers to her ear. "_Normandy_! Do you copy? We need an evac right now! Garrus is badly hurt - make sure Chakwas is ready!"

There was only static as a reply for several tension filled moments. Finally, Joker's voice came through: "Atte- to -nd near your p-sition, ma'am."

Teresa sighed with relief. Several more tension filled moments passed before the _Normandy_ finally landed. Some of the crewmembers approached to help carry Garrus inside.

Teresa turned to Liara, looking deeply into her blue eyes. "You should go too. Go help Chakwas treat Garrus. And tell Joker to go pick up Tali and the others. I'm not losing any of you."

"But-" Liara attempted to protest, but her commander interjected.

"That's an order, Liara."

"Yes, ma'am." Liara replied immediately, disappearing into the ship.

The _Normandy_ took off, leaving Teresa alone. She closed her eyes for a few moments, trying to regain composure. Doing this alone will probably be the hardest thing she ever attempted, but Harbinger seemed to be a clever asshole. He went for her friends, not her directly and _that_ she couldn't allow. Now they were safe, out of his reach.

Opening her eyes and turning toward the beam, she began running again.

_Just like racing Saren to the Conduit. No difference. Just run into the light._

* * *

Liara finished setting up a protective bubble around Tali's bed in the med bay. It would keep her safe from further infections while Adams and EDI finish repairing her suit. With the _Normandy_'s supply of quarian-specific antibiotics, she should be on her feet again in no time.

Garrus' condition was an entirely _different_ matter, unfortunately. While she was helping Tali, Dr. Chakwas had her hands full just stabilizing him enough to attempt further treatment. Also, it looked like they'd need to _pry_ him out of the remains of his armor which was nearly _fused_ to his plates from the heat.

"Come on." Dr. Chakwas called, finished with hooking him up to a bunch of machines. "This needs to go off, the sooner the better."

Liara walked over to his bed and they both started the grisly process of removing his armor, keeping a watchful eye on his vitals.

"Hold on, Vakarian." Liara glared at the wounded turian. "I don't want to be the one to inform the commander if you kick the bucket. Hold on."

* * *

_"I've heard of a human who defeated one of the most famous turian Spectres."_

_"She defeated him by talking. That's what humans do: all talk and no work."_

She did it again. She pushed away her hatred for the obviously indoctrinated Illusive Man and defeated him by proving he's working against humanity. Instead of finishing Anderson off, he took his own life.

This time, though, she didn't feel any triumph, only emptiness and exhaustion to the extreme. She was hurt, out of medigel, stuck in a weird part of the Citadel and its arms were still closed. Luckily, there was something resembling a computer console here. It was worth a try.

The console seemed to be the right one. The arms slid open, allowing full view on Earth below the Citadel and the space battle around it.

"It's quite a view." She heard Anderson behind her, speaking with obvious effort, but still alive.

"Best seats in the house." She replied, taking a seat on the floor near him. It was really quite magnificent.

"God. It feels like years since I just sat down." Anderson said, almost to himself.

"You earned a little rest." She did too. Oh, how she did. The weariness was about to overwhelm her.

With no medigel to speed up closing the wounds it was no surprise she was feeling weak and exhausted. As she looked at her hand, she noticed dried-up blue stains under the coat of fresh red ones and sighed. He had to be okay, she tried to reassure herself, Chakwas was a miracle worker.

"You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you." Anderson added after a moment of silence.

"Thank you, sir." He didn't reply. It couldn't mean… He couldn't be… "Anderson?" She tried, again. There was still no reply.

_Damn._ She closed her eyes and saw Garrus, beaming with pride when he presented the drawing he made for her. It was a pleasant memory. She could easily get lost in-

"-mander Shepard!" Hackett's irritated voice came through the comlink. Teresa forced herself to open her eyes. It wasn't over yet.

"Wh-what's going on, sir?" She managed to ask.

"Nothing's happening. The Crucible's not firing. It has to be something on your end."

She tried to stand up, fell because her legs couldn't hold her anymore, and settled for crawling towards the console. Nothing she did seemed to have any effect whatsoever. She was about to lose any remaining hope she had when the floor beneath her moved, taking her up like an elevator.

After a long ride - funny, there was something oddly familiar about that - she arrived at her destination, which was as surreal as she could possibly imagine. It looked like it was outside the Citadel, in the open space and yet she could breathe, and it was dominated by the machinery powering the beam she used to get here not too long ago.

The greatest surprise was yet to come, however. She was soon greeted by the little boy from her dreams. It was _very_ odd, but she decided not to question anything anymore. Her mind was too tired and the boy (who was the Catalyst, actually) seemed to have _actual_ information on the Reapers and their intentions. She decided to listen and absorb.

And the answers came. And they weren't what she expected, but they made a certain kind of sense. And to her great horror, she realized where this leads: she's supposed to make a decision that will decide the fate of the entire galaxy.

"You must act." The Catalyst warned, but she couldn't at the moment. The decisions and their consequences kept bubbling in her head.

One option was to destroy the Reapers but at the cost of destroying all synthetics alongside them. That was what she came here to do, right? Destroy the Reapers no matter the cost.

_"I feel truly alive. That is your influence."_

_"Does this unit have a soul?"_

Could she _really_ destroy EDI and the geth, after all she did for them?

The other option was to take the place the Illusive Man intended to, as some sort of a supreme being, in control of the Reapers. Unlike him, she had no illusions of grandeur. She couldn't imagine herself as a goddess, really. Although, as she thought about it, she _could _control the galaxy the way she wanted to, making it a more sensible place than it is now.

Maybe that was the way to go after all?

The third option was to merge the organic and synthetic beings in a new form of life, making them understand each other and live in peace. Wasn't that what she wanted all her life and tried so hard to make everyone see it as she did? Didn't she want to bring peace and understanding to the entire galaxy? The only problem was that she would be gone. Forever. There would be nothing left.

_"Your boyfriend has an order for you: come back alive."_

Could she disobey that order?

She looked up, as if looking for a divine sign. Directly above her, a turian dreadnought exploded, its debris burning through the Earth's atmosphere. As she watched, a human frigate met the same fate, and an asari cruiser. While she was here standing, death was all around her.

It was time to act, indeed.

Making her decision, she forced herself to move. A tear rolled down her cheek.

"I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry." She whispered as she walked.

* * *

Garrus lay on what seemed to be wet sand with his eyes closed. He could feel the sun warm on his plates. For the moment, he just enjoyed staying like this. It seemed like ages since he could relax.

"Garrus Vakarian. Move. Lying on my seashell." A familiar voice spoke to him.

He opened his eyes. "M-Mordin?"

"Yes. Now move. Need to get that seashell for my test."

Standing up, shaking the sand off him, Garrus wondered why it was so _strange_ to talk to Mordin. He couldn't remember, so he just shrugged as he watched him collect the shell and hum.

It was definitely like him, but it still felt strange.

Looking around, Garrus realized he stood on a beach. How did he get here? Did he _finally _go on a vacation? Or wait- it was a _tropical, warm_ beach, was he here with _her?_

"Hey, Garrus!" Someone called out to him from the sea. Turning his gaze in the direction of the sound, he realized it was Thane. Didn't he have a lung illness? How could he swim so easily?

Something was _very_ _wrong_ here, and at the same time it felt so _right._

Walking further down the beach, Garrus stumbled on Kaidan and Ashley sunbathing. Ashley greeted him by tilting her sunglasses up and winking. Kaidan said: "I'm sorry. I was a jerk to Shepard and to everyone else."

Okay. Now he was _certain_ something was deeply messed up. Kaidan would _never_ say that. What was going on?

Ashley motioned at the building nearby and said: "If you're looking for the bar, it's right over there."

Of course! The bar! He was supposed to meet someone there, wasn't he?

As he approached the bar, he noticed a lone human female sitting at the counter. She had a blue dress and her hair was blonde. It _had_ to be her.

She must have heard him approaching, because she turned around and greeted him with the smile he knew so well. It _was_ her, Teresa, the love of his life.

He pulled her in a tight embrace, whispering: "Is it over? Are we finally free?"

"It's over." She said, kissing him.

It was the last thing he knew before a blinding light appeared, overwhelming his senses.

* * *

"No. No. No…" Liara gasped, looking at the monitor above Garrus' bed helplessly as it displayed several flat lines. She grabbed his claw, squeezing it. "Come on, Garrus!"

Nothing happened. The lines remained ruthlessly flat and his taloned fingers were limp in her hand.

"Don't _do_ this, G- oh, Goddess, what's g-?"


	16. Alive

Chapter 16: Alive

Garrus switched his visor off and leaned over a small pool of clear water to look at his reflection. He knew what to expect, but his eyes would still startle him, even after nearly a month has passed.

He wasn't the only one. The entire _Normandy_'s crew was avoiding mirrors and other reflective surfaces, and no one felt comfortable talking about the moment when _it_ happened. He was almost glad he was unconscious then.

Well, he was more than unconscious, and he knew it. Liara told him what happened. She and Dr. Chakwas did their best to keep him alive, but apparently he... gave up. He flatlined, and remained that way for longer than he should to be able to stand here. Then, a wave of blinding green light washed over them (he vaguely remembered a green flash and a blue dress but couldn't make sense of the memory). Liara said she blacked out for a moment, but since she averted her eyes when she said that, he had his suspicions she wasn't telling him everything. In any event, when she and Chakwas recovered from whatever happened, he was showing signs of life again.

It was a miracle. He recovered in several days, while normally it would take him months, _if _he survived. Dr. Chakwas showed him melted scraps that were once his armor. By all means, he shouldn't be standing here.

His eyes turned green and he had glowing _circuits_ running on his body _and_ clothes. The same happened to the entire crew, and they all reported improvements in their physical condition. Joker was walking steadier with every passing day. Tali could remove her helmet for brief periods of time. They all felt… better, stronger. Dr. Chakwas complained, trying to cope with the change with humor, that she'll be out of job soon if this continues.

EDI changed too. Her face and voice showed genuine emotions now and, by her own words, she could _feel_ the emotions, not just emulate them. The organic crew members didn't change just physically, either, him included. The change brought a new way of understanding things, a new way of thinking, and in a way, it was the hardest thing to deal with.

_What has happened? What did she _do_?_

He asked himself those questions many times a day ever since he woke up. No one had any solid answers, although both EDI and Chakwas did their best to figure it out. All they were able to tell for certain is that everyone's DNA changed in a strange way. It had… almost synthetic properties. And what happened to EDI was even more baffling. How could a synthetic _feel_ things?

_His_ way of dealing with the change was to take charge of the _Normandy_. The ship took some minor damage in the fight with the Reapers, and the wave of energy from the Crucible made a mess of their systems. They landed for repairs on an uninhabited garden world in the random system Joker jumped to when Hackett gave the order to clear the Sol system. Until he woke up and took charge of things, they weren't making much progress.

The weird thing was, no one questioned his leadership. No human made a protest about a turian being in command. No one suggested Chakwas or Adams take charge, although they were long-time Alliance officers, and _Normandy_ was still an Alliance ship. They truly accepted him as their leader, and it didn't even seem to come from his close relation to the commander, either. He was the best, so he led them.

That was the strangest thing of all: the change of thinking. Garrus tried not to dwell on it, so he buried himself in work, living on hope for a chance to make _her_ proud. In about three weeks most of the repairs were done. They still had no communications and no way to leave the system (the energy messed up the relays, too), so they were in the dark on what happened on Earth, or anywhere else.

This morning the answers came, and not in a way any of them imagined.

A _Reaper_ appeared in the sky and hovered just above the _Normandy_. To their surprise it had a _green_ eye, not a red one. Then it (he?) _spoke_ to them. Garrus almost didn't feel ashamed that he nearly pissed his pants when he heard the booming voice in his head. Green eye or not, those things wanted them dead until a little while ago, and hearing voices in your head when a Reaper was around was a verybad thing to happen.

The Reaper explained what happened. The organic and synthetic life forms were merged, creating a new DNA, a _new _life form. Also they gained understanding of each other, a real hope for peace in the galaxy. It was like they skipped several million years of evolution in a single moment. Commander Shepard sacrificed herself to make it possible, letting her being be consumed by pure energy and spread around everywhere. That was the wave they experienced.

As the Reaper spoke Garrus heard the words of hope and peace, but at the same time his world came crashing down. Then_,_he nearly pissed his pants _again _because this time the friendly Reaper obviously spoke directly to him.

_"Garrus Vakarian,"_it said, and Garrus was sure it was only him who was hearing this, _"we were able to experience the commander's final thoughts as she entered the beam of energy. She was thinking about you and she was… sorry. Sorry that she will not be able to come back as promised. "At_ this point Garrus could almost swear he heard _regret_ in the Reaper's voice.

_"She would have also wanted you to know that it was your support giving her the strength to carry on whenever hope seemed lost."_The Reaper continued._"Thanks to you she was able to fulfill what she strived for all her life: peace and unity. She wanted everyone - you - to experience it. She also knew you were critically injured, and hoped your improved life form will make you survive."_

Garrus was just left speechless. For a moment he was afraid he was losing it. She did it for _him_?

_"We are very sorry for your loss."_ He heard the Reaper say, and it didn't really help him with his fear of losing it.

He swallowed hard, feeling a dull pain in his chest, still at a loss for words. The Reaper then informed everyone that the mass relay in this system was fixed enough to make a jump to Sol and asked them if they needed help with ship repairs. When they said they didn't, it told them they would be most welcome back on Earth, where a great rebuilding is taking place. Then it departed, leaving them _all_ speechless and confused.

Garrus didn't order their departure right away, although the ship was ready for it. They all needed some time to process what they just heard, most of all _him._ So he told everyone he needed some time alone and went into the nearby forest, where he was now staring at his reflection in the water.

The pain in the chest didn't show any signs of going away soon. He tried to focus on what the Reaper said, still not being fully able to wrap his brain around it. Slowly, though, he began to truly understand.

The new perspective he experienced was… overwhelming. He could _feel_the pain and frustration of many krogan couples over the centuries as they mourned their stillborn children. How could he ever think _anyone_ deserved that, no matter what they did? He felt truly ashamed. He could also feel many of the similar conflicts in the countless cycles before them through their newfound connection to the Reapers. The same pains, the same sorrows, countless deaths, countless losses repeating themselves over and over again for millions of years. They were finally free of that curse. A bright future was in front of them. He could smell it, taste it, _feel _it.

He lowered his head, feeling a shudder down his spine.

_Is that how you've seen the galaxy, Teresa? Even when everyone doubted you? Even I thought you were too idealistic, when this was the way things _should _be._

The guilt was like a dagger in his chest. He disturbed his reflection in the water, not bearing to look at his green eyes and circuits anymore. Feeling a sudden surge of anger, he thought how he would trade away all that peace, unity and prosperity to spend another night with Teresa like the one before London.

_You said: "There's no Shepard without Vakarian", but what about Vakarian without Shepard? Did you really think I can do this on my own?_

Garrus was ashamed of his thoughts again. He was her support, her reason to carry on when all seemed lost. She saved his life with her sacrifice, and _yes,_ she expected him to carry on when she's gone. After all, didn't she say-

Someone gently tapped him on the shoulder at that moment, and a familiar voice said: "It's time."

Of course. Before they take off there was one thing left to do. The hardest thing ever.

He turned, looked at Liara, and saw the same grief and confusion he experienced in her now green eyes. He simply nodded. She didn't deserve any of his internal anger.

Liara took him under her arm and led him back to the _Normandy_. As they walked in silence, he tried to figure out what to do after they were done here. Of course, he would return to Earth and give the _Normandy_ back to the Alliance first. Then… he didn't know. He was hoping for a happy reunion, but that was out of the question now. He would probably return to Palaven to try and find his family and pick up the pieces of his shattered world. The ever-present realist inside him told him that even with _the change_ there were still the Alliance and the Hierarchy and before a _true_ unity was achieved there was a bumpy road ahead.

Arriving back at the ship, they stopped at the crew deck where everyone was gathered. The small cluster of the commander's closest friends stood next to the memorial wall, the rest of the crew filled the hallways and the mess hall. For some of them this was the second time they've been going through this, him included, and the pain at the thought if it increased to the point of nearly breaking him.

Someone - EDI, he realized - handed him a long rectangular plate. It said: _Commander Teresa Shepard_and he held it in his claws for the longest time, reading the familiar name over and over again. It was written in human script, of course, but he's seen it enough times to recognize it.

Finally, he stepped forward. Rising the plate next to the one with Admiral Anderson's name on it, he gently pressed it against the memorial wall. It was adhesive and attached to the wall immediately, yet he couldn't part with it. He kept running his talons across the plate, feeling the slight indentations where her name was engraved, dangerously close to start whimpering and squealing, or crying to use the human word.

He took a deep breath, composing himself. He would _not_ break down in front of everyone. Stepping back, he clenched his fists, unable to take his eyes off the plate.

Someone gently touched his arm. The touch was metallic, but warm and strangely _alive_. The look in EDI's eyes, when he turned to meet her gaze, was full of sadness. She pulled him close and said: "I am really sorry, Garrus." Her voice was truly compassionate.

Before he knew what he was doing, he hugged her, laid his head on her shoulder and… began to whimper and squeal. If someone told him a month ago he'd cry in EDI's arms he wouldn't have even laughed, just thought that person was crazy.

He didn't know for how long he remained like that, but it did help him reduce the piercing pain in his chest back to the dull ache. He straightened, and felt someone shove a glass full of a dextro stiff drink in his claw. Without thinking, he downed it and the pain numbed even a little more. It felt like he could almost function normal again.

He ordered Joker to take them to Earth, and then retired to their-her-his (_spirits, this is complicated) _cabin, not really feeling in the mood for company. Once there, he stood in the doorway for a long time, afraid to cross the threshold. When he finally dared to move, his glance caught the picture of them he made still being on the wall. He quickly turned his head away from it and sat on the bed with his back turned on it, staring at the fish tank. The hypnotic movement of the fish and other sea creatures inside made him lose the track of time.

He was snapped out of it when he heard the door hiss open. EDI was standing in the doorway, regarding him with a worried gaze.

"I was worried." She said, crossing the room to stand in front of him. "Are you alright?"

"No." Garrus said simply, feeling there's no point to hide the truth. "I feel… alone. I don't know if I can do this."

"You are not alone." EDI replied, her eyes looking straight into his, her voice confident. "You have many friends on this ship, including me, who understand and share your grief."

Garrus sighed. His voice was squealy again when he spoke: "But I want Teresa…" He realized that was irrational and _selfish_ but he couldn't help himself.

"I have been thinking," EDI began, and Garrus suppressed the urge to scoff, as he usually did when EDI declared she thought of something, "about what we have found out today. The Reaper said her being was added to the energy that changed us all. So there is a piece of her in all of us, including you."

"Not good enough." He whined, and nope, he wasn't making any sense, but somehow voicing his emotions seemed to help. The pain in his chest subsided a little bit more. "I want her all for myself."

EDI smiled at this, but the smile was sad. "You never had her all for yourself. She was a living legend and many people claimed they knew her. But for most of them she was just Commander Shepard, _the _Shepard, the hero. You knew her as Teresa, with all her flaws and weaknesses, and you loved her for it." Garrus had to agree it was true, so he nodded.

EDI continued: "It is exactly the same now. Many people will be proud they have a piece of _the Shepard_ within them, but you will have a piece of Teresa, the love of your life."

In his mind, Garrus heard the echo of what she said to him back in London: _"I'll be looking down. You'll never be alone."_ She was right, like she usually was. It was like she predicted this to happen. Or at least considered it as a very serious possibility.

He nodded again, speaking with a shaky voice: "Thank you, EDI. I think… I think this will help."

She gripped his shoulder for a moment with a reassuring smile on her face that reminded him of Teresa: "I am glad. She was my friend too, although only now do I understand the true meaning of that word. I know she would have not wanted you to succumb to grief."

"No, she wouldn't." Garrus agreed.

EDI then left. He was alone again, but this time the emptiness of the cabin was a little easier to bear. Gathering courage, he stood up and approached the drawing on the wall.

There will be many pictures and vids around, he knew that. He could imagine the "Legend of _the Shepard_" was already being formed while the _Normandy_ was cut off from Earth. They will all be stylized, having only a passing resemblance to the real person behind the legend. This, however, this was what she meant for him. It didn't matter that her eyes looked a bit weird, and that her nose was completely off. This was Teresa, the _true_ Shepard, _his_ Shepard.

He took the picture off the wall, carefully folded it and put it in his pocket. She'll always be with him. As he did so, he felt the invisible wound in his heart slowly beginning to close. It was still a long way to go, but it has begun to heal.

He was alive and he'll never be alone.

-**END-**

**If you're reading this, it means you reached the end of my story. Thanks for sticking out for so long. This was my first fan fic and I had lots of fun while writing it, I can only hope you had as much fun while reading it. Of course, your thoughts/opinions/reviews/comments are most welcome.**

**I always thought it was stupid how Joker still limps even after advancing to a new evolutionary form (although Synthesis was my favorite ending, even before the EC) so I took the liberty and added some healing properties to Green Space Magic. I hope you don't mind, after all, we'd be losing Garrus if I didn't do it ;)**

**Will I write more stories? Sure if I get inspired. Right now I'm not, so you might have to wait. Hah.**

**Thanks for reading, Inkess out!**


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